Sorry for the delay getting back to you, I’m at work too so I’m fitting in comments between calls
That sucks. It sounds like he behaved really insensitively and it hurt your feelings. It sounds like he needs a healthy conversation about boundaries: “these are the ways I need you to speak to me” etc etc. Some things are fluid and some things are firm, and one of the firm expectations is that communication in a committed relationship needs to be respectful and if it can’t be, the person needs to take a break, take a walk, and get their head straight. (My wife and I do that if one or both of us is tense or mad. We say, ok I am feeling frustrated, let’s come back to this later; then we set a specific time, like after dinner or tomorrow morning or ___. Still married and our cats still love us so we must be doing something right.)
You deserve respect. You deserve to be appreciated for who you are, and respect as a person living and growing in life. Everyone deserves that respect.
Have you guys had challenges like this before? It may be getting more noticeable now as you get sober. I found as I got sober I started noticing things I’d been blind to before. My marriage is still working and in fact it’s stronger. But a big part of that is me getting to learn who I really am and starting to learn what I need (and what my wife needs) and to ask for that and give that, in a conscious way. It is work; it is worth it but it is work.
Another thing to add is that if an environment is not healthy for the listener in a conversation, they absolutely have the right to say (calmly, if possible): “I love you as a person, but the tone you are using is condescending / not respectful of me, and that has to stop. If it does not change I will leave and we can take this up another day.”
Then you step away to take care of your next thing
It seems like you were “handling” it but in fact, what was happening was you were numb to it. You were numbing yourself, numbing your inner voice with alcohol.
As you are getting healthy now, as you are getting yourself open and flourishing, your full self, your rich, unveiled, intelligent, capable, courageous self is coming out.
Part of that is noticing that you exist and you have things that matter, you have a self and needs that are legitimate, and you are finding your space in a way you never could when booze was silencing you.
You are coming into the light just the same way Diana Ross was finding her true self
You didn’t handle it by drinking, you made it disappear @Gmac126 Geneva. Except it didn’t. It’s still all there, needing to be handled properly, maturely, really, truthfully. Etcetera. That’s bloody hard but it’s the only way forward.
I feel so much better this morning. I feel like he took my words to heart bc when i came home he just nice and we took photos with no problems, made dinner, and watched a movie. This morning we talked and cuddled and now im going grocery shopping i usually run around on Thurs bc I have a vintage clothing booth in the next city over that i drop off at but today I decided to take a break. I fee like this will help settle my emotional mood swings. I also booked an apt for next thurs morning with my therapist so i felt a wave of relief bc I havent seen him since Dec so im looking forward to going back and having someone to talk to
I’m so glad to hear it Geneva, and most important, that you feel good about how you handled it. That’s an achievement and you deserve to feel good about that
Hi Matt! I took your advice this morning. I was chilling out watching tv and eating breakfast before going to work and my husband came home from his overnight. He seemed annoyed and i said something that he took as me “making fun of him” and starting lashing out. Usually i lash out back but i was in a good mood and i didnt want that to ruin my day and got up and said “im sorry i seemed to upset you. I didnt mean it that way. Im going to go now and we can talk about this later this evening when im home” i calmly walked around him.and got my bag and left. Probably 10 mins later he calls to apoligize and said he was stressed bc he had a rough night at work training someone.
I feel like im on the right path of controlling my emotions my sugar cravings have lessened and im feeling more calm than i was earlier in the week. Maybe everything starting to balance out? I hope so
That’s awesome Geneva I’m happy for you! It’s really liberating when we can keep that perspective, keep our balance in our difficult relationship moments (and all relationships have those moments, they all do, and it’s always about something below the surface - as it was here). Relationships are so much more empowering when it’s two people riding the waves of life together - facing the physical and emotional / mental challenges as partners, using communication and listening and empathy skills - rather than two people battling each other.
It’s hard and deadly to get off of booze, please consider going to a detox or at least a doctor to get on some meds to help you, when you are ready too. Just want you to be safe. You can do this!
Forgot to post this my best friend surprised me with a little cake and balloon when I hit one month sobriety
Im at 41 days now and im not gonna lie, its been really rough. My husband and I have been argueing and the “d-word” came up in conversation. I took off work bc im severely depressed. I bought a can of “poison” i was planning on partaking in tomorrow night when my husband goes back to work…but going through my camera roll and seeing this photo kinda brought me back? Like, realizing that im doing so well…even though im in unbearable mental pain and still waiting for these feelings to pass…sigh.
its been really hard and ive had dark thoughts that ive never had before. Luckily, going back to therapy tomorrow and i can get this all out
I just want to say congratulations on your sobriety I just read through the thread and you have had a lot of up and downs and you are still standing strong keep up the good fight and take it one day at a time
Im glad i kept up with checking back in on this thread. Its so interesting looking back and seeing how i was struggling a month ago…to now not even having urges at all! As of couple days ago, i feel like my mood has finally regulated and I feel normal again. Definitely a crazy rollercoaster…but atleast I can now be a voice for people getting through
i usually run around on Thurs bc I have a vintage clothing booth in the next city over that i drop off at but today I decided to take a break. I fee like this will help settle my emotional mood swings. I also booked an apt for next thurs morning with my therapist so i felt a wave of relief bc I havent seen him since Dec so im looking forward to going back and having someone to talk to 
i am 45 days in now!