The thought of being sober seems so impossible at times…no matter how great I feel instantly, from just a week. I Always pick it back up…no matter how much I fall and lose relationships I ALWAYS go back. I’m just tired of this ALWAYS. Here is to attempt 1 million that I can love myself enough to stop picking up the poison.
I’m glad you keep trying! Remember sobriety is not a straight road. Keep coming back here!!!
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Same, I’ve tried again, and again and again. So many times that I’ve stopped counting. I recently found this app and I hope it’ll be very helpful, if feels like it. And maybe this is the time to succeed. It’s not easy, but an important thing to remember is that it’s never too late to change if you don’t give up. Keep on trying, as long as we try we’re at least on the way forward.
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Wow, it takes a lot of strength not giving up after many relapses. I’m honestly proud of you.
It might make sobriety easier if you check in daily to help you maintain focus on your goal. Also if you ever struggle with anything, you can just say it on here. 99,9% percent of people on here is willing to help people in the same verdict. Once again, i’m honestly proud that you picked yourself up again 
Good luck you’ve got this 
Here’s a link to that thread: Checking in Daily to maintain focus #13
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I hear you!! It is very frustrating when we are on that hamster wheel of wanting sobriety, but having a difficult time stringing days together. The fact that you are here and you are posting and you are working on your self and your goals says so much!! It took me a long long time to get past that cycle. It may feel like you are failing, but I believe you are getting stronger little by little…that you are learning and growing and building sober strength…that you are learning what works and what doesn’t. Failure is when we stop working toward sobriety …all else is learning. We may not be moving in an always positive direction, but we are still finding our way.
A few things that helped me…in no particular order…
- coming on here and reading reading reading so many threads (the Frequently Asked Questions thread has a wealth of info in it)
- being gentle with myself thru this process (it is HARD)
- figuring out when I was most tempted to fall back to old patterns (ie. drink)…and working to avoid those situations
- learning I need to stay rested, hydrated, feed my sweet tooth, move my body, stay away from drinking situations
- making sobriety my #1 priority
- keeping a list of why I no longer drink and how my life will improve (more on this below)
- reading a ton of books on sobriety / recovery / sobriety memoirs (I highly recommend Quit Like A Woman and We are the Luckiest)
- making meditation part of my mostly daily routine (5 or 10 minutes is good!)
- going to bed and sleeping or resting as much as possible to get thru tough days (obviously not practical for many people, but was for me)
- getting outside and moving my body helped to clear my mind / also lots of fitness classes
- spending a lot of time on sobriety apps and sites, such as this one and others…Soberistas and Women for Sobriety were very helpful
- never giving up
I keep my list of how I want to live my life/what sobriety offers on my phone and when I start thinking, hey, maybe just one glass of wine, I read my list and remember how desperate and unhappy drinking made me. Here is some of that list…
No hangovers ever!!
Treating my husband with respect and no drunk fighting
Self respect gets a major boost
No more internal conflict about drinking and if/how can I cut down or stop
Restful restorative uninterrupted sleep!!!
Major pride in myself and all that I have and can accomplish
A sense of peace and calm
No more embarrassment and shame because of my behavior
Forgiving myself for past mistakes and terrible judgement
No wondering what I did or how I hurt husband or others while drunk
No treating people I love, including myself, poorly while drunk
No drunk driving and possibly hurting self or others and no jail
No upset stomach from drinking
No anxiety and near constant agitation when hungover
No dark suicidal thoughts
No shame around neighbors if I was loud and yelling or loud music
No blackouts ever
No overwhelming shame at my behavior
No oversharing with strangers while drunk or making plans I will need to cancel
Not having to check my phone in the middle of the night to delete social media posts - no drunk texting/emails/posts/calls
Not be bloated and puffy and look haggard
Clear skin and eyes
Major pride in myself and a boost in self esteem
No hangovers ever again (this definitely dederves 2 mentions!!)
No more excuses or lies
Peace of mind
Hope all of this resonates in some way for you.
We can do hard things!!! 
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Katy, when I found myself struggling I started to do things differently. Remember the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Unfortunately I drank all day everyday and was your classic functioning alcoholic 
but for you, I’d suggest switching things up. Completely revamp your routine to do something different when you would normally sit down and begin drinking. Take a different route so you don’t pass the liquor store you always go into. Get outdoors or attend a meeting at night instead of opening a bottle. Baby steps will help rewire your mindset. It’s easy enough to wake Up everyday and say I won’t drink but action needs to be taken to make sure those words aren’t just words. Best of luck to you
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Oh goodness, you are spot on thank you:) I find working out or just getting out helps in the AM. The rest of the day is left after and everything I do, I’m craving. Just cleaning…reading… watching netflix I’m so used to involving alcohol with everything.
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Hi there. I’m back on Day 1. I’m so disappointed. There is something serious wrong with me. I also drink from the time I get up to the time I go to sleep, all during work. I’m going to lose my job. The anxiety is crushing. I don’t even try to hide it from my kids. They are very concerned. I’m so unhealthy. Clearly I just don’t care about myself. I’m such a selfish pos.
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I’m glad you’re back. Have you tried the zoom meetings? You know you don’t even have to have your camera/video on or even audio. You can just listen. I was just looking at the list they posted here; it’s on another thread. If you’re interested I’ll find it for you.
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Hi Donna. I’ve been using the ITR app, but I’m going to check out the zooms posted here. Thank you.
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You are so kind, Jane. I’m beyond frustrated with myself and withdrawal is a struggle. I would love any and all info you have on meetings. I’m open to trying different ones. Thank you.
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Hello,
I haven’t been on this app in a years and am currently in the hospital after a relapse in October after 8 months of sobriety. Came across your response years later and find it very helpful and insightful.
Thank you so much.
I hope you and your family are doing well:)
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8 months is an amazing job! Our relapses are a way to grow stronger for the next attempt. What can you take away from this one to make sure this same choice isn’t made the next time?
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So far I learned what i already knew that there can never be ONE drink for me./I struggle once I’m living alone and fear that reality./Alcohol always leads to hospitalizations and attempts on my life./I need to not isolate even when I feel the need too.
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Hi Katy and welcome back. I hope the hospital is helping you, sorry about your relapse, it sounds intense. I am glad you found my old post helpful. It did take me years to achieve long term sobriety. I hope you won’t let the relapse deter you. Each day is a new beginning and opportunity. Keep going. 
@Katylives
Relapses, ugh I feel those too much.
They’re not fun, really they’re not .
I went to medical care once for withdrawals , but I haven’t since.
I have just been trying to do my best to stay away as well, I’m back only on 2 days and I was doing great here & there . Stress and anxiety is honestly my killer and being alone.
I wish you the best on your journey - Andrew
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