Just wanted to send over some hugs 
and a hell yeah to what Lisa said. You are an amazing person, strong, smart and funny AF. 
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@Lisa07 @SassyRocks
I love you girls. You get me and I don’t make you panic with my theatrics lol. Ava came over last night, I would have never asked her had I realized it was a school night. I thought yesterday was Friday. She woke up to go to school this morning and I’m like… Baby Ava! You’re dreaming honey, it’s Saturday 
she had to show me her phone haha.
I feel a lot better physically today, still far from 100% but I’ll take this over the rest of the week any day!!! I felt like I was coming off alcohol again. Unbearable to be awake, too miserable to sleep, sweating—> when I feel sweat on my shins? Tops of my wrists? Along with my entire ass body? Freezing? But burning alive at the same time? Shaking? Nauseous? Can’t even eat my cherished goldfish 
crackers even?? Mhmmmmmm…. Buckle up buttercup, you’re in for a dooooozie.
Here’s the worst part. Ima need prayers please.
I couldn’t drink coffee 
If we scroll to the tippy top of this thread, we will see one of my FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT BEING A NON-DRINKER (I’m classy, alcoholic <—- gross titles need not apply or define my crazy mother fuckers)
Anyway, I couldn’t drink covfefe at all 
Today, I got about 0.5 cups down in roughly 2 hours. Progress not perfection. Oh, and I’ll steal shit from AA if I feel like it, so there lol.
@SassyRocks i keep forgetting we are practically neighbors now. I should hop on my scooter and take a run up the hill for a visit GPS has me up the hill in 12.5 hours via scooter. Pretty sure I could beat that haha.
Anyway, never thought I would feel like that again. It’s crazy. Especially, when I was not withdrawing from anything, that I know of anyway. I prepare my meds ahead of time. I don’t think I can withdraw from any of them. Like that anyway.
It kinda matches clonazepam withdrawal, but I’m on such a low dose of that and it’s an “as needed” medication and is not taken daily. I actually hoard it for the days I can’t afford my $13 prescription lol. I hoard other as needed meds too like my Adderall. Sounds worse than it is. I’m always terrified that I won’t be able to afford my medication so if I don’t feel I need it, I don’t use it. Sounds like normal usage to me. My clonazepam is every 20 days, but it’s been sitting at the pharmacy for a few weeks now and likely restocked unless my wonderful Terri is on the job, in which case she’ll tell them, Beth don’t walk for free. She’ll wait for another script requiring pick up before huffing 2 whole blocks I love her. She wants to grab lunch one day She really is wonderful she’s been the head pharmacist over there as long as I’ve lived here 
Coffee kicking in. I’m getting verbose.
Off I go to finish and brave Facebook to see if there is interest in my dogs. We spent the whole night snuggling I don’t know if I can go through with giving them up. Ugh.
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Ha, I am not the panic type and I doubt Lisa is either. I may have even aged into the tough old broad category. 
That sounds physically nuts…tho I expect nothing less when I visit your thread!! I laughed, I cried…it is good stuff. You got a book in you I think.
And I totally forgot we are so close! I don’t get to the big city much, just to catch a non stop. I have enjoyed meeting up with other TSrs, tho I am kind of a recluse too.
I am sorry about your dogs. Hope it doesn’t come to that.
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Your dogs are beautiful and I hope circumstance allows you to keep them. They don’t care where they live, but do care who they live with, and reckon they would rather live with you.
You’ve been on, and are still on, a rollercoaster of a ride. Life will always be a bit of a crazy ride but I think you’ve earned some gentle curves and slow straights rather than the big dips and fast switch-backs.
Go well.
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Sassy is right, I’m not the panic type either. I appreciate you sharing your journey. Your posts are all real and raw. Sending positive vibes for better days.
Don’t ever stop being that humorous beautiful person I’ve gotten to know. You are funny as f**k!
But I’m not laughing over this doggy situation. Praying it all works out and they stay with you. You guys need each other.
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I’ve been thinking about you @Girlinterrupted. How is life treating you? Any update on the doggos? My heart breaks just thinking about it but I’m hopeful you found a solution. Sending positive vibes, hugs and love your way.
No need to respond, I just wanted to let you know you’re always in my thoughts. Brighter days are coming (hoping very soon).
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Girl, same! Only thing getting me out of the house is to be lured with jelly beans. Some guy really wanted to go on a date with me and I’m all like “I’m too busy bruh” and he’s all like “I bought you a big bag of jelly beans!” and I’m all like “I’ll be right down” lol
If you ever round these parts, definitely reach out and we’ll grab coffee or a drag brunch. God I love those lol.
I’ll do the same if I’m in the “high country” as they say here in the cackalacky. The drive is breathtaking, and you know I had a convention by you last year or the year before, I think you were here and I totally forgot about it.
I was on this site called Fertility Friend when I was going through all my miscarriages. I made great friends, and I’m still friends with them going back to 2002. One gal from Australia came to NYC when I was living there and we met up and I did the tour thing and dinner with her. Her accent was so intense I couldn’t understand a fucking word she was saying. I was like, you’re going to have to message me lol.
After I moved here, I had a convention up in NJ and I got to meet another gal, still friends to this day even though she switched over to personal injury law, I still love her dearly lol. You see them for the first time and it’s like you’ve hung out a million times already, crazy.
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Omg, I was in CLT for an overnight before a flight and I totally should have contacted you (and brought jelly beans). Next time!!
I have met up with friends from all over b4, it is fun. Including a couple from TS!! I can barely understand people from SC sometimes, depending on where they are from, I get it!
Are you ready for the RHOBH reunion?
Hope you are moving thru life with a bit more peace of mind.
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@SassyRocks @Lisa07 @AyBee You guys are so special to me, and I probably don’t say it enough, but I truly love and appreciate you.
I think I fucked up my goal of posting everyday so I get access to the … shit, I can’t remember what it’s called. The regular thing…
So, I’ll say this. I am in a much better headspace lately, and I really hope it lasts and it’s not like a manic thing.
The very sad, sad, sad news is that I did end up having to re-home my babies. I had been talking off and on with the humane society, and they pulled a lot of strings for me to help me out. Steven got adopted like crazy quick, same day. Zsa Zsa Zsa was the next day I think. They didn’t go together, but the new dog thiefs, I mean parents, exchanged information for play dates which is nice.
It’s extremely difficult to think or talk about. I couldn’t feed them and I even prioritized feeding them over me, but now I’m ED TRIGGER WARNING
Summary
down to 110lbs, and it’s only going to go down from there. I’m 5’7". I’m getting used to it, but damn
END TRIGGER WARNING
When I said goodbye to them. I told them to always remember they have a birth mom who loves them very much. I told them I love them the reason they are going to new families is because I love them. Dumbasses just looked at me. The humane society let me do everything outside because I was a hot mess bawling and hugging and kissing my dogs. They 100% did not want to leave me. I’m effing crying now dammit. I couldn’t sleep last night, I was snuggling Littles and couldn’t get my babies off my mind. I wonder where they are, are they happy, will they be loved as much as I love them. I’m so pissed that I had to let them go. It’s so painful, and I just did my makeup too dammit, ugh. I’m a wuss. I really miss them. They have only been gone for like 1.5 weeks, so I’m still adjusting.
I try to focus on the positives like having more time to build up my little etsy shop, a much cleaner apartment, they NEVER put their toys away no matter how many times I told them to. I would have to take two trips to take everyone potty because Steven is a giant asshole with people and other dogs and it was physically very difficult and I’ve almost lost my hands and feet from the damn leash string.
For your viewing pleasure
… and yes, I wear my slippers when I take the dogs out lol.
I really thought Emily would love me again if I told her that I re-homed the dogs, but nope. She still hates me and I still don’t know why. She’s highly judgmental of me.
So, not that I watch that Mama June show or anything, but if I did, it would send me into an emotional tizzy. I’m not sure if anyone is familiar with the show or the situation with the family, but it’s a really sad dynamic. The oldest daughter that was only like on the first season of Honey Boo Boo, ended up with stage 4 cancer and recently passed away. Mama June is not the best mother in the world, but no mother should ever have to lose a child. So, the episode I was watching, Anna was on and had recently been diagnosed with cancer. It starts with Mama June being interviewed by production, and they asked her about Anna. I fucking lost it, then they show her going to the doctor and stuff. I was literally bawling so hard I had to turn it off, I couldn’t watch.
I’m sure it triggered the loss of my niece. Not a single day passes where I don’t get emotional about it. Then I realized, I’m kind of mourning the loss of my own daughter. She completely ignores me. If she does speak to me, it’s text only and she rips me a new asshole. I was going to post a screen shot, but reading over it hurts too much. She is constantly accusing me of being manipulative and treating her poorly and I have no fucking clue what she’s talking about.
If I tell her how I feel when she’s nasty, then I’m being manipulative. I told her that communicating my feelings about how she speaks to me is not manipulation, it’s communication. I’m just letting go, no matter what I do, it just makes her even more angry.
I know she was pissed off that I didn’t want to live in her guest room, and get rid of my dogs. She thinks I’m too disable to get a job. I think she wants me in a damn nursing home. It started turning when she was taking me for my blood transfusions. She was with me (I think) when my neurologist said he thinks I have some rare form of cancer because of some of my new symptoms. If I do, it won’t kill me. I’m a cockroach! Invincible lol… Even when I have tried ditch my skin suit, I live.
This one time, in band camp, (not really, but I needed an intro) I actually had a successful attempt at ditching the skin suit, damn doctors brought me back. I was 21. My mom prayed and prayed that if I lived, she would never smoke another cigarette again. They told her that if I lived, there was a very good chance of me being brain damaged due to how long I was gone. Spent 2 weeks in a coma on life support, woke up like WTF??? So, that was fun.
I sure love to babble on here.
As for the daughter that still loves me, Ava, he dickhead father is a life ruiner. If y’all remember the car accidents, well, his insurance went up. He makes her pay her full car payment and insurance and does not contribute to it. When she was using my car, I only made her send me $50 a week and I took care of the rest. He has her paying way too much. She is a senior in high school and her grades have tanked because she’s cutting school to work so she can pay him. Like, she’s working a whole ass full time job.
I have to be so careful when I text him because he’s the freaking hulk, everything sets him off. He’s scary and unpredictable. He’s not responded to me since this mean text where he calls my daughter hot fucking mess. She’s not at all. She’s a good girl, and a hard worker. She’s so depressed right now, but she can’t stay here because the gas money is too much. These are screen shots from my Mac desktop, so they look weird.
He was not mean and bitter like this before the army. It makes me so sad that Ava will never know who her dad was before the army. That guy died in Afghanistan. He was the sweetest thing in the world, just to die for. Meh, it’s sad. He’s so mean to her and says the meanest things about her appearance, about everything. It’s like he hates her or something. His wife is the same way as him and gets off on making him pissed off at Ava and me as well. He has his twins now and Ava is in the trash can. I can’t call him out, especially because I live on such a low floor now, he could easily snipe my ass now 
I’m not sure where he’s getting the $140 a week from, I see her bank account and she pays more than that and he hounds her relentlessly. She’s also not spending it on pot or vapes or whatever he said. Whatever, this is really long. I’m sorry guys.
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Girl, yes! I cannot wait (i really want jelly beans now lol)
There’s smack going around about texts between Dorito and Kyle. I hate Dorit, she is the most pretentious biznatch on the planet. In the reunion clip when she says something like other than my boobs, what’s fake about me. Well everything, but don’t forget the nose job on that schnoz baby girl. And for crying out loud, she’s from Connecticut, what’s with the accent?
I love me some Denise, but I think it’s fucked up they let her film that drunk or whatever she was. That new chick, the nurse anesthetist. She needs to calm down. She’s a perfect example of medical gaslighting. Your specialty is anesthesia bitch, stay in your lane. Poor Sutton and her tiny esophagus lol.
I think they said Kyle is not coming back, I’m definitely ok with that. I’m over her too. She’s been on since the first season and she’s very judgmental. Kind of like I’m being right now bwahahahaaa
I can’t wait, and if someone doesn’t rip that whatever the eff that thing Dorito has draped over her head, I will do it myself lol. What is with her?
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I love love love Denise, but I definitely don’t want whatever she is having and feel awful for her being so effed on camera.
Dorit’s outfit has me laughing hysterically! Nora Desmond from Sunset Boulevard vibes 
!! Idk, I kind of like Kyle’s BS fakery. Who else is there to like? The new girl can go. Sutton is just plain strange and super catty (meow, me 2!). Garcelle has great shade. All good things must come to an end tho I guess.
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Girl, you have a lot going on. I am so sorry about having to rehome your dogs, I know that pain, I had to do it years ago with cats and it was awful, so I feel you there. Many many hugs.
The stuff with kids is hard too. Life has that way. Sometimes it gets us all at once. I know you are strong and I hope sharing here helped some. You have a lot of friends here.
No wise wisdom, but lots of hugs and listening.
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Thank you my dear
You know what I realized. I’ve been crop dusting this forum. Coming on here, dumping heavy stuff and then splitting out for a month
I LOVE Sutton, there is a girl on the twitter with the name “Sutton’s purse vodka” lol. She is very eccentric, and I’m fascinated by people like her.
I do love Garcelle, I love how she called out Dorit’s privilege, she is completely tone deaf. And she can bugger off with the Jewish thing, it’s hella different and you can’t tell that just by looking at someone. I grew up being tortured by Jewish people mercilessly. They thought I was butt ass ugly because I was blonde/blue, and had a little nose that turned up instead of down. I begged my mom to let me get a nose job so I could look more Jewish 
She put me in therapy lol
I love Erika, she has a whole fake side to her. She can be pretty pretentious, but when she gets going with the cocktails her savant inner encyclopedia comes out. I can’t believe that I feel so bad for her. I feel so sad that she can’t just go and whip out her black amex and grab a little $2MM pair of earrings haha… I mean, she lived that life for so long.
Dorito never learned her lesson. She brags about her riches all over national TV, she’s got the PTSD from that robbery, and the dummy is just going to keep getting robbed if she keeps telling the whole world her hair clip cost five million dollars lol
Pototamic is bringing it this season, do you watch that one?
They ruined NY. No Sonja, no me lol. Why do I love all the drunk people so much?? hahahaaa I love them in the real world too, so entertaining.
oh oh oh and Utah… Monica OMG! LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE her. She’s a whole ass troll that got on the show, I’m dead. THAT is what I live for. Plus she’s freaking gorgeous!
Yeah, with Emily I’m stumped. We were fine, like great, and it was out of the blue. I personally think she’s afraid of me dying and detaching from me, but who knows.
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I loved Monica too…the rest of them kind of fizzled, except Mary, who cracks me up.
I just cannot warm up to Sutton, she didn’t even recognize her own horse. Erika is my girl, always has been. She is fake AF and I don’t care.
I do miss Sonya and LuAnn. I loved Jenna, the rest were a mess. I couldn’t do Potomac, did it get good? Ashley and Mia crack me up. I was going to watch MTM because Phaedra was on it…but I didn’t.
I am sorry about your Emily.
I go back and forth between loving and hating Mary, but man was she hilarious this past season.
Well, I don’t know where I was yesterday, I guess engrossed my my “creating” It’s so time consuming to do all the market research, make the designs, learn the design stuff I don’t know (easy google search, but I’ll waste hours trying to figure it out on my own lol)
My sleep cycle is messed up again too. I tried to stay on schedule, so Monday I went to bed at like 4:45am or something and woke up at 6:30 am and started my day. Yesterday and today I just let myself sleep a normal time, but I’ll go to bed between 6am and 9am. My problem, regardless of how early I start, is being able to stop. I’m going to try to be better. Sigh.
I guess I’ll change my profile pic so it’s not Stevie beans anymore
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Man, this Etsy stuff is a lot more work than I anticipated. I mean, I knew I had to create a lot of designs, but the successful stores have thousands of designs on their pages. SVGs seem to be pretty popular and at least those are super easy to push out. No 3D, shading, shadows, just plain images. I guess craft ladies use them for that cricut thing? Or they get used for t-shirts, mugs, tumbler wraps etc. So, being true to myself, I’ll come up with some crude and funny sayings and designs. We all know how much I deeply and truly enjoy the eff word, and I’m gonna have it plastered all over everything lol.
Other than that, it’s Sabrina’s birthday today. I’m secretly hoping my family forgets about it. I don’t want to reach out just in case they did (not likely) but if they did by some chance, I don’t want to remind anyone of it. I gotta say, for the most part I’m still in denial about it. I’ve mentioned it before, but I just don’t understand death. I can’t seem to comprehend it.
I went to a networking thing with Matt’s aunt on Thursday. I’m still close to his family. Anyway, it was amazing to get out and socialize in a small little group of typically my least favorite people in the world. Residential real estate agents lol. These folks were really great. One lady kept saying real-a-tor, like sooooo many times. It’s Realtor bitch. There is no “a” between the “L” and the “T” ayyyyyy
i’m so uptight haha. I got emotional a few times being out. I’ve been all alone in my apartment for sooooooo long. OK, back to work. Gotta get this stuff up.
Adobe Illustrator is crashing like crazy on all of my computers. I have 2 Macs, and a macbook pro. I did everything, so when I was on the phone with support, the nice young man remoted into my computer, and I had already done everything he was going to try to do (if I call support, I need support) so, he had to escalate it since he said the issue was over his head. I said I want lots of months free. It has taken hours and days away from me being able to create. So frustrating. blah… I cleaned the shit out of my one computer and it’s practically naked. So far I have it working today, but I have not tried any 3D designs yet, that really seems to set it off.
Oh, oh oh I forgot, so, I had to sell some stock to pay rent, but I left this little meme coin because I’ve been studying everything about it. I have 40 million shares, sounds fancy, but I bought them at $0.00000883 lol… Well, I made over $500 this weekend on it, yay! I have to keep an eagle eye on it. I don’t want no NHRI situation, no to the nope
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I’m boycotting The Bachelor, that’s it, I’m done. He sent Maria home? WTF is the matter for him? ayyyy
Anyway, EMILY JUST TEXTED ME!!! It was so hard to not get overly excited and text novels to her about anything and everything. I played it cool lol. Plus, I whipped up my logo today. Inspired by my broken ass glasses being held together with crazy glue and safety pins, oh and scratched to hell lol.
We are both big readers, I think I got her on Anne Rice when she was like really young. Her first tattoo was centered around books lol
Ava got her first tattoo a few weeks ago and it’s like part of a music sheet with notes and stuff. That kid is a damn prodigy. She plays so many instruments and is self taught. She’s also in the marching band and all county.
We laugh every time she says band camp. I remember being in the doctor’s office and she said band camp and the doctor and I both lost it. I finally had to show her the movie lol
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Oh, and I’m disgusted in America. You have got to be fucking kidding me. WTAF???
Anyway, glad I decided to move to Spain (not related to this) my good friend has lived their for 5 years and I’ve been dying to do it. So, she’s walking me through everything. My goal is to be able to pull it off in about 2 years. I can’t remember if I posted about that or not, god forbid I scroll up lol.
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Nope! You never posted about Spain. Wow! That sounds super exciting. I can’t wait to hear all about it when the time comes.
Band camp makes me laugh every single time. It’s been years since I’ve seen the movie but hubby and I still start some of our conversations with “this one time at band camp”. It never gets old. 
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