Cool version of that song; what a clear voice.
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One of my all time favorites. Even if you donāt like jazz, please give the whole album a chance when you are doing chores or when you are bored. It will make the time tolarable.
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This Alanis Morisette song tears me to pieces.
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Another great cover and soā¦
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Need to remember this now more than ever.
Keep the faith
When the storm flies and the wind blows
Go on at a steady pace
If we walk together little children
We donāt ever have to worry
Through this world of trouble
We gotta love one another
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You know this brother.
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IDK if Goat feels up to it, there may be a diary post here later, b/c well it got to go somewhere and inside me is poison. But time for a happy break!!!
On todayās date in 1977, we were gifted with Scarlet Fire. Scarlet Begonias and Fire on the Mountain were joined together, only rarely to be apart.
From elsewhere on the great wide webs:
On March 18, 1977 at Winterland Arena, San Francisco. āFireā appeared for the first time, closing the first set, following its eternal partner, āScarlet Begonias.ā This combination of tunes, which frequently enclosed some wonderful jamming, came to be known as āScarlet Fire.ā There were a handful of occasions on which āFireā appeared without āScarlet Begonias,ā but not many. I count 15 out of the total 253 performances. It remained steadily in the repertoire from then on, and was played for the final time on July 2, 1995, at the Deer Creek Music Center in Noblesville, Indiana.
While I always loved Scarlet Fire, sobriety brought it a whole new appreciation. Learning that once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right. I know otherās experiences greatly vary, i have experienced multiple events that would be classified as spiritual experiences ā all of which were life changing. One in particular ā based on logic and reason ā should not have happened. I donāt know why and I donāt know how ā but there was a shift inside where my mind and all the things that I thought made up Goat became separated from my consciousness/awareness for a moment in time and a great peace eventually came over me in the middle chaos. That peace continued as I explored this happening and well with what has happened over the last few months-- and now with the chaos today, I am not sure how I would have survived life on lifeās terms with such peace and sanity. It was only through sobriety and being open to what my HP brings my way, what ever my HP is ā that this was even possible.
As to Fire, I, like many other alcoholics, have trouble with boundaries. I put them up where they probably shouldnāt be and donāt have them where they are needed. As my toils with work continued, at some point Fire grabbed me and wouldnāt let goā¦
Almost ablaze still you donāt feel the heat
It takes all you got just to stay on the beat
You say itās a living, we all gotta eat
But youāre here alone, thereās no one to compete
If mercyās a business, I wish it for you
More than just ashes when your dreams come true
The flame from your stage has now spread to the floor
You gave all you had. why you wanna give more?
The more that you give, the more it will take
To the thin line beyond which you really canāt fake
Work was something that consumed my life, in part, I think because it gave me the license to drink how I wanted to (and a whole lot of unhealthy behaviors stemming from childhood). I could continue down the road I was and burn the rest of my life down. It took a lot of internal work and therapy to get to the realization that no matter what I did, this place was fucked. I could continue to feed it and it will take all that I give. Or I could start to put some boundaries in to allow for space for perspective on what life could be. This shift in perspective allowed the events above to take place and gave me the freedom to understand in all of this chaos what is important.
Much love to all of you. Stay safe and above all else, be kind. 
The first ever Scarlet Fire:
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Seeing Manhattan and the streets of New York empty, small stores, bars, and restaurants closed with peopleās dreams and livelihoods all gone, and and the small bodegas boarding up the windows out of fear of rioting, just starts the opening notes of this song in my headā¦
Where have all the people gone today?
Well thereās no need for you to be worryinā about all those people
You never see those people anyway
Hereās to Phil turning 80 and still enjoying the rideā¦
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Hell yes !!!
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Lord, one of the old faves!! Damn, I am old!!
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Good memories of Dew.
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Idk why, but it brings back a happy feelingā¦ that voice.
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Oh agreed, so many wonderful songs and feelings. Not like the 70s were exactly calm thoā¦protests, the war, Watergate, etc ā¦a lot going on then as well. But Gordon Lightfootās music is quite soothing for me.
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I guess I will put this here.
I know others have it far worse than I do right now. But there is just some stuff going on for rnā¦ And I know inside me is prob not a good place for it. I will say, maybe I am wrong, but when it comes to work, I am often not unfortunately.
After emergency prepping today for a complete shutdown, I walked out of my office for what will probably be the last time employed there absent a miracle. My paintings, a goat, and other sentimental things are still there, mainly as an expression of hope and well I couldnāt carry it all.
Eighteen years likely begins to really end now.
Technically I am still employed and have to āwork from homeā but given the sudden collapse of my biggest customers, my guess is that I have at best one more paycheck and the other significant monies owed to me will prob never be seen. Any significant a/rās are pretty much noncollectable now with the bloodbath out there. Even if those customers had the money to pay, there is no good reason for them to do such right now. I always thought I was gonna go out hard, fast, and bright there and hell I should have with the way I drank. To go into that good night with a whimper like this is just rich. It also gives cover to people who donāt fucking deserve any for their shitastic management.
As I walked away, I went by the church where my AA meetings are held. They had the great big wooden storm doors closed (they never close) and homeless people were sleeping on the steps. It made me think about an verse from old gospel hymnal that my mama used to sing ā Three Men on the Mountain.
Well the man on the left was a sinner tied to a cross he bled
He could have been forgiven but he mocked the Lord instead
You say you are the Son of God theyāve nailed you to a tree
Come down come down and save us if God your Father be
As much as I wanted to look around I couldnāt see God or Higher Power or anything redeeming in all of this fear, hurt, and suffering. I feel so lost at times in all of this ā far worse than I did after 9/11. If my higher power is crazy about me as a friend likes to tell usā¦ WTF.
I walked by the liquor store and for the first time ever in sobriety, I stopped and looked in through the window with an pinch of curiosity. For a second my disease had me ā¦ and when it couldnāt shake me on drinking today, it posed for laterā¦if you are in the throws of this virus and gasping for breath, you know its coming for you ā maybe then?
At that point a higher power stepped in and let me take a deep breathe and then allowed me to just let go and exhale that bad mojo. The thought of drinking was gone and I walked on like it was never even there. I donāt know what is going to happen, I donāt know that I will be okay, but I know its game over if I drink for me and those i love.
You thought God was an architect, now you know
Heās something like a pipe bomb ready to blow
And everything you built thatās all for show goes up in flames
In twenty- four frames
So hug a loved one a little harder tonight. Tell someone else that you love them. Love is the only thing that is gonna see us through to the other side. Take care and stay safe.
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THE Dew.
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