i found Jesus 4 days ago, well He found me. He came to my heart out of nowhere and i spent the last 4 days sobbing, purging, praising, listening to gospels and sermons, i even bought my first Bible. i never was religious before. it’s been an astonishing 4 days of spiritual awakening — and then just as suddenly as Jesus swept in, the alcohol did tonight. i’m a sorry sloppy no-good sinner. this is all too much. i wish i could hit a restart button. i wish i had a Church or in-person community, i wish i could be baptized in a white dress and cleansed in holy waters, i wish for renewal and deliverance, i pray to release this demonic possession. addiction is demonic. i don’t know what to do to shake this attack, this battle for my soul. i am so weary. i have no one. i’m alone.
You’re not alone, Julia. We’ve all been through that vicious cycle. God gave us Human’s Free Will. The right to choose to live our lives how we want to live it. You have to find it within yourself to walk down the path of Sobriety. Don’t do it for anyone else but you because you’re the one living your life.
Once that realization hit me, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Start loving yourself, Julia. Drink some water and get some sleep, amiga. Tomorrow is a brand new day and remember, you’re not alone in this. You have us.
A good bit if not all of what you’re wishing for is in your reach.
Not tonight. Tonight it’s a time for sleep.
Look around in your area for churches, there will probably be many for you to choose from. You might like the ones with the modern music. You can be baptized in that white dress. With holy water.
You will be welcomed. You can also find many online.
Same goes for AA communities. You will be welcomed.
If you need help finding something in your area somebody here can help you.
You are not alone.
First of all, Jesus loves you the way you are. There’s nothing he hasn’t seen.
Getting sober is hard. It’s the hardest thing you’ll do.
And second of all you are not alone. We are here. I am here. But you got to use us. Humble yourself as Jesus would and ask for help. You cannot do it alone.
Find a meeting to go to. If you don’t want to go to a meeting in person. There’s plenty on zoom. intherooms.com
Come on here first before you drink and ask for help.
I don’t care where you’ve been,
and I don’t care what you’ve done.
I want to tell you you’re a wonderful person.
you’re such a good person.
You are beautiful
And You deserve to soar
It’s way past my bed time.
I’m around tomorrow as usual. So are a bunch of other great people. Use us.
There is a Christian recovery org called Celebrate Recovery; seems like they’ve got lots of meetings happening now. That would be a good place to connect with people:
https://locator.crgroups.info/
You’re a good person Julia. You’re a good person, a child of God, and He knows your shortcomings, and He loves you anyway. You think He created you planning to not like you? 
He knows exactly who and what you are - and He knows you are capable of rising to this challenge.
God made you to live, to be your full self. He has given you everything you need to reach your goal. Have faith, dig deep, and try again. And again. And again. And you will get there.
Take care of Julia. You matter. You’re a good person and your story matters; you deserve to be here and you deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin, being yourself, fully, sober.
Wow,
My story to Christianity was actually a bit different, but in the end we all have the same goal.
I landed at a church in DC by a weird turn of events, and to steal a phrase you would know “Come As You Are”
All the things you desire, are right in front of you, yet it’s up to you to make the moves to get there.
@Matt mentioned Celebrate Recovery, and I will say I agree I’m not a fan of traditional AA, I attended CR and was immediately impressed with it, it filled all the holes I been missing in AA.
Julia, I’m sorry you are struggling so badly. You got some great advice and support from some great people here. I will echo…you have us and this amazing community.
Julia, did you ever go to a meeting? I’m sorry, I can’t remember. There are tons of resources that have been posted in this thread. Unless you are on some remote island, which you aren’t, these are all in your grasp. Please try the advice/suggestions others have shared if you do want to get and remain sober.
How you doing today Julia?
What’s up Julia?
@JuliaLuna
When you’re ready and willing we will always be here for ya. You are loved.
Welcome to the Gift Of Desperation, with the help of a Group Of Drunks may you find Good Orderly Direction.
God is love.
Jesus loves the sloppy no-good sinner. He’s the good shepherd who will leave the 99 saved sheep to search for the single lost one.
Like sobriety, turning away from sin is a process. The good news is once you invite Him in, you are forgiven for every sin you’ve committed…and the ones you will commit. It’s called grace.
So find a good bible-believing church, go to a service, listen and worship. The rest will come in its time.
Peace.