Having really strong cravings for cocaine right now

Advice & Questions
,
1

Hey yall, I’m kinda struggling right now with my cocaine cravings. They are pretty bad at the moment, and I kinda just need someone to talk me out of buying and using cocaine please :slight_smile:

Basically what happened to trigger these cravings is: I have these friends around Europe, we were talking about stuff on discord. But I mentioned that I’ve been staying home a lot on weekends to avoid using cocaine and alcohol.

Then, one of my friends mentioned that they used coke last weekend for the first time in a couple months and talked about how he was partying until like 8am or 9am. He apparently doesn’t get cocaine cravings and that drug is kinda just whatever to him.

Anyway, this made me start romanticizing my own cocaine use before I started quitting it 16 days ago. It made me think of how much “fun” I had being at parties doing blow and drinking and whatnot (which is bullshit, I’m so much happier being away from the party scene). I ended up going on the darkweb to lookup cocaine reviews from my favorite darkweb dealer unfortunately, which made the coke cravings really ignite.

Once this happened, I realized I was starting to descend into the cocaine rabbit hole and realized I was having a bad craving for cocaine, especially when I started thinking of buying it and doing some.

I started trying to shut down the craving now, but I’m having difficulty shutting it down. My brain keeps trying to rationalize and romanticize cocaine use. It keeps telling me:

  1. “I’ve been off of cocaine for a long while now (16 days), why can’t I just use it this one time? You promised me I’d be able to use it once after 2 weeks sober!” (This was something I told myself during the first few days of sobriety because I couldn’t deal with the fact cocaine was completely gone from my life back then, but I was never intending on actually using it, as I knew the craving would die down by now)
  2. “It was so much fun to use cocaine at parties! I always felt like I achieved something after partying on cocaine and alcohol!” (Which is bullshit)
  3. “The cocaine from my favorite dealer is so good! I haven’t properly tried it yet because I was on a bender and had too much tolerance to it! So, I should try it again!” (My brain can’t seem to emotionally accept that the last line I took 16 days ago was THE last line of my whole life)

I know my mind is just telling me a complete bunch of bullshit, but I’m having difficulty shutting these cravings down. I really need someone to talk me out of this.

I even written a thread when I hit my rock bottom due to cocaine 16 days ago: I'm done with cocaine I think I am going to go and reread it. I know that nothing good will come out of this if I were to relapse.

I also cannot let a relapse happen for the following reasons:

  • I don’t wanna disappoint everyone around me and myself
  • I don’t wanna add onto the stress my dad is feeling about my brother
  • I want to be an inspiration one day for people who are trying to quit cocaine. I was using 1.5g to 3.5g every day. My addiction to it was so bad that I thought it would kill me one day and that there was nothing I could do to stop it. I want to be an example of someone who recovered from such a severe addiction to the drug, so that others know it is possible to quit.
  • I have been down the coke rabbit hole many times in the past. I do not want to feel that way ever again.
  • I need to save money to help support my dad financially. I cannot spend money on coke.
  • I feel good for the first time in a long while, BECAUSE I’ve been choosing to stay off cocaine.
  • My life was on pause while I was in active addiction. I don’t ever want my life to feel like it’s on pause like that ever again. Cocaine was the only problem I could focus on solving at the time, because my addiction was so bad. I can’t let myself go backwards in time.

If someone can remind me why I chose to quit, and how to break out of the craving, that would be great thanks :smile_cat:

10 Likes
2

These cravings almost make me wanna cry :crying_cat_face:

2 Likes
3

Reread your post. Plenty of reasons not to pick up. Stay online if needed. Just get thru this hour sober.

6 Likes
4

Thanks, yeah I’m gonna try to workout right now. Maybe that will help me get past it. Ty homie :slight_smile:

I’ll reread my post as well

3 Likes
5

Stay strong :muscle:

From reading your first posts here to the last few days I have seen a massive positive change in you.

What the fun part ?
For me I got to a point where going to get it, felt horrible, doing it felt horrible, coming down, felt horrible. It never made me feel good at all. Brought on paranoia and staring at the wall thinking.

Your are doing so well, you just have to let this craving pass, try to distract yourself don’t let your mind plant a seed that you want to use.

Do some weights instead for 20 mins you will feel better doing that and feel better for longer.

Please don’t use :hugs:
I’m not sure if you have come across some of people’s life stories on here, and how they lost someone they love because they overdosed using one last time. There’s so many sad stories of people this has happened to.
It could be us next time if we used.
I don’t know what my family would do, if tomorrow had to start without me.

The thing is when someone overdoses they dont know it’s going to happen, or their heart stop from taking so much. They set out doing it like they always have and it’s there last time.
They don’t set out to overdose, they don’t know it will be their last time.
That’s the real truth.

I hope you choose to keep on track :pray:

5 Likes
6

That almost made me cry, but cry in a good way :face_holding_back_tears: thanks homie :slight_smile:

Yeah I’m working out now, I feel like the craving is starting to leave me. It’s tough sometimes, the way how my addiction tries to psychologically break me down but it’ll never win over me!!! :muscle: :triumph:

5 Likes
7

I promise it does get easier okay :hugs:

Each time we get passed a craving, especially ones like this our brains start to rewire and heal more and more.
I’m really proud of you, really really proud.
I understand your struggle more than I talk about it.

I’m day 21 we are close together in days, your not alone, you are strong and i believe in you that you are going to be okay.
Yes pick up those weights and get it out, clear your mind and focus on each rep. It will help lots.

Glad you reached out here, that alone says you really don’t want to use and it’s your mind playing tricks on you.

:sunflower:

3 Likes
8

Twenty-three

That’s the number of times you used the word cocaine or coke in your post. You continue to romanticize it and then get surprised you crave it.

I mentioned it the other night and I suppose I’ll mention it again. Addiction has very little to do with the drug(s) you use and more to do with your unhealthy relationship with them. Focus on recovery and not the drug. You’ll be amazed at how well it works if you actually do it.

What types of information are getting from meetings and your sponsor? Focus on. Those things

18 Likes
9

Youre doing amazing. These cravings and the thoughts that come with romanticizing are SO NORMAL!!! Try playing another tape…try thinking about the less romantic thoughts. Play those ones in your head, anyt time a romantic notion or a lie comes in…I played the morning after tape, the shit feeling tape whenever my brain went there I just kicked that tape on. And got busy with other shit. Anything. Read, watch tv, a hobby. PUSH UPS! Fuck me i love some push ups when Im agitated like that. Rage clean. Anything. Keep your hands and mind busy.

Good for you recognizing that trigger (someone else romanticizing). Hell man others can have a good ass time, but for me it just doesnt work like that. And really, how much good happens after 2am anyways? Lol. You got this. You reached out here. The cravings get easier the more you get through them, to the point where they will eventually go the fuck away. Keep hitting that tool belt action, with other things to do when you get these cravings and it will become the habit to reach for that instwad of the doc. We got you, hang in there. This is nornal and it will and can get easier!!

Xo.

4 Likes
11

Thanks homies for the advice!!! The cravings are gone :smiley_cat:

I just completed a small chest and back workout!!! I hit an old PR again yayyy!!! Slowly getting back to my July 2019 shape (pre-drugs shape, when I was at my most fit) :smile_cat:

7 Likes
12

:muscle::muscle: This is what I like to read, you beat the craving!

It feels good to get past it. I’m at a stage now in my recovery where I try to have a plan for these moments.
Swimming, walking the dog, making sure I’m not hungry or thirsty as they can be triggers.
Watching a recovery podcast or documentary.

Looks like you have found something that has worked, remember it and keep looking for new ways.

I’m proud you got through this, glad your eached out … now stay off the dark web so you don’t go getting any ideas again :upside_down_face:

:sunflower:

2 Likes
13

Definitely, thanks :smiley:

Yeah I’m gonna actually go and uninstall [REDACTED NAME, for the sake of not breaking forum rules] browser so that I can’t just go browsing there looking at drugs and drug reviews :smile_cat:

3 Likes
14

Deleting it well That sounds like a good idea :bulb: :laughing:

1 Like
15

Way to go getting through those cravings. Our minds can be a bitch sometimes! I relapsed today after 12 days and I promise you it isn’t worth it. The bad outweighs the good by a million. I can’t explain how dissapointed I am in myself… devastated really. Something I try when I really want to drink is everytime I think “I want a drink” I change it in my mind to “I don’t want to drink, I don’t want to drink, I don’t want to drink.” Sounds stupid, but it helps me a little bit. Keep yourself busy, and keep going! You’re doing amazing.

2 Likes
16

Good job on beating those cravings! And on choosing sharing here as a healthy coping strategy. This is a huge step.

Don’t focus on never or always. These are just concepts we can’t really process. What you can focus on though is now. Now you can act, now you can make a good decision, now you can make it through the day. That’s the idea behind one day at a time.

Once again: Congrats on making a good choice in a tough situation.

4 Likes
17

You quid because you needed to which started your recovery journey.
Good luck look forward to your updates, stay strong :muscle:

2 Likes
18

Hi I recently had 6 weeks sober from alcohol and cocaine ,I’m back onto four days again although not feeling that bad about it as as soon as I done it it was awful,it was like a bottle of depression and anxiety in a bag ,which made me realise why I want to be sober and put so much hard work into feeling so good,why would I want to put all that horrible poison inside my body,it really is poison and this is what is helping me through this ,stay strong and stay on this community
If I can do this you can too your not alone :muscle:

4 Likes
19

This is a masterclass on what to do when your struggling…nobody said it would be easy but this whole thread shows that we all need each other…when you crave reach out BEFORE you give in…never crave alone people!

6 Likes
20

One word my friend:

No.

I’m going to be extremely brutal with you here, so feel free to skip if you want, but it’s the truth.

You know my story, and if there’s one thing you need to take from it is that relapsing will get you nowhere.
You want the police knocking down your door, finding your dead body? Your father, who clearly loves you, having to plan a funeral for his son? The utter agony you would cause so many people is unfathomable.

I’m still in hospital now. My family almost had to deal with that shit 4 days ago. And where did relapsing get me? Did it make me happy? Did it solve all my problems? Did it let me live my best life and recover?

No.

You’re worth so much more than this. Have a look back at all the lovely replies you’ve given to others and apply that to yourself.
“One day relapses” and “little relapses” don’t exist - you either do or you die. Simple as.

I’m sorry my message isn’t very pleasant, I don’t really have the strength to type much more, but I really hope it gets through to you.

6 Likes
21

You couldn’t figure that out yourself after an epic post like that? Stepwork will bring your ego down to life size sir.

5 Likes