Had a little win today, on a call for a project I’m working on. Was told they appreciated me being direct and found the conversation very useful, with a view to forming a partnership.
Honest, kind and assertive communication
Also yesterday I went down to the allotment, I totally avoided it over the summer because it hasn’t gone how I wanted and feeds all my self-esteem esteem and failure issues. I have been going down once or twice a week but yesterday I got a little area clear and re-planted some strawberry and raspberry plants that had started to spread a bit.
Well, time for some upfront honest truth, if not to help myself at least to help others. Saying you’re going to do and make healthy choices and actions and actually DOING them are two different things. I wrote this plan (above) albeit with good intentions, but sadly, there has been no action. And then I wonder why I don’t feel good, physically, mentally, emotionally… it’s really hard to change behaviour/habits. Even harder when you’re addicted to certain behaviours, substances, foods or whatever… but change starts with the little things, little tiny decisions each day, throughout the day, moving forward in the direction you wanna go. These little changes in action and behaviour will add up and that’s when you see that big things have changed, things you didn’t think you could change. That’s how growth happens. Growth happens in our everyday decisions, our mini-habits and with a little bit of commitment and some determination. I need to ACT, not just plan. Each day, even if I accomplish only one or two of the things on this list - at least I’m moving forward, and hopefully, momentum will build! “Nothing changes if nothing changes”; thinking isn’t doing, doing is doing. Actions speak louder than words. I no longer want to be lost in thought, and caught up in …“tomorrow I will…” When tired of your own shit, the only thing to do, is start acting, start moving, start caring, start believing. “Fall forward” as Denzel Washington says
I have ambitions and then I don’t do them. I try and keep my goals loose for that reason. I have a copy of this printed out and on a notice board at home. I find it helpful.
‘Find a routine baggy enough to live in’
I was talking to my bf about routines the other day, it sparks my feelings of failure when I don’t stick to them. I have built a massive resistance to them now because I have convinced myself I can’t do a routine. Maybe that’s what I need at the moment, maybe not.
It’s getting that mix of going with the flow and responding to what you need, and cultivating habits and behaviours that make you feel good.
I bet you have done some of those things, some of the time? I know from my list, I don’t tick all the things off there every day. Some days I do none of them. Some days I do some of them. Occasionally I hit all of them, but that is the exception rather than the rule!
Also, I had a reflection on a yoga practice last night which I think is relevant here. We can’t become someone different but we can become the person we are meant to be - our healthy habits and behaviours need to be things that work towards that, not against it. Sometimes it’s easier to see who that person is than others!
Something which wasn’t on my list is to read more. I have been reading before bed the last few nights and it’s a really nice habit, one I appreciate. Not going to put pressure on myself to do this all the time, but just enjoying it while I’m doing it.
Nearly sat on the sofa in my PJs all day (again) today. Good to get outside and do physical stuff for a couple of hours. Takeaway tonight, well earned!
Indian (curry) - although I don’t know if that means the same over there! Onion bhaji, samosas, I’ll get a mild veg curry cos I can’t tolerate chilli, and some nice bread. Will probably also order some waffles for dessert
What are you getting for lunch? Anything else planned for your day off?
Sounds tasty! I can’t do too spicy either. We do have an Indian takeout in my work town that I heard has great food. I should check it out one day. Haven’t had that style of cuisine in forever. Not sure what to get today. Might get something from the Thai place
Off to post office now before I pick up little guy. Then a few groceries. I really need to work on meal prepping. That’s another goal I’m working towards. Today I worked a bit remotely, and did three loads of laundry and tidied, and rowed. I think I’m done It’s jumped to 25°c today from near freezing temps lately so I’m a tad toasty Back to 4°c tonight. Enjoy your curry!
Meal prepping is a good idea. I am enjoying being off work and having time to cook. But when it’s just another thing you have to fit in, it’s not so fun!
Revisiting my list as my mental health is running all over the place. The cycles seem to be running through more quickly, which is exhausting, although the highs and lows have seemed less intense over the last month or so.
Some things are going well, some things less so. Trying not to gloss over the successes but finding it difficult not to fall into focusing on the negatives. Things I am doing:
eating well
substance free
dancing more
meditation practice
honest, kind and assertive communication with others
I know there are things that make me feel better when I do them (yoga, walking, time outside) but I am just not doing them, I don’t know where the resistance is coming from or how to address it. I think something I am coming to terms with is that health and wellbeing is a lifetime thing. It’s not like do these things now, and then you’ll be better and you won’t have to anymore, so it’s all about finding a sustainable mix of things.
I am wondering if I need to reassess what a healthy life looks like for me. The list I started with is great but I am struggling to do it all and if I can’t do it for a couple of months then the hope of doing it over the long term is slim to none! I feel like I have the time and should be able to manage, but if I’m not managing then I need to accept that and work from where I am. A big challenge is that my mind changes as often as my moods so as soon as I’ve made a decision it is turned over, questioned and I just don’t know where I am with any of it.
Reviewing again with the new year in mind… I am pretty happy with these goals.
I have switched out meditation for yoga, I don’t know why I can’t seem to do both. Loving YouTube yoga and the new YWA series.
Now we have a puppy so I am adjusting my expectations down in terms of activity and productivity for the next few weeks until she settles in more. She sleeps a lot but when she’s awake it’s full on and so the day is being sectioned up into her nap times.
It’s jumped to 25°c today from near freezing temps lately so I’m a tad toasty 
Back to 4°c tonight. Enjoy your curry!