I’m a chronic relapser . Gratefully , with meth I haven’t really hit a bottom. I still pay my bills and rent and when I use I catch up on chores. I want to stop. I’ve failed so many times. I don’t do meetings like I used too and I know that’s a weak link. There are times , when on the wagon, I’ll actually FORGET that I’m trying to quit . My addict brain blocks that out and I don’t remember it till I’ve taken a puff or two. I relapse every few days. Why? Why can’t I retrieve what works to prevent a relapse BEFORE it happens? I guess I’m not trying hard enough. When bad or sad occurrences come I smoke to numb the feelings inside. I can’t do life on life’s terms consistently. How can I get past three or four days?
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Gawd that meth is a nasty one. I use to dabble it a long long time ago. Booze was my real addiction.
Glad you are reaching out.
They say 90 meetings in 90 days for a reason.
Have you seen this thread?
Good job reaching out.
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Your addiction isn’t a moral failing or a character flaw, it’s a physical dependency. All substances, like meth literally hijack your brain, including your prefrontal cortex that is responsible for decision making. Even though you want to stop using, you can’t. Your body is physically addicted. NA can only help so much with brain-body chemistry. Methamphetamine is a potent stimulant, but I don’t really need to tell you that… Detox honestly might be your best option. Although there aren’t any meds that allow you to taper of meth, like say there are for opiates. There are meds that can help you to manage the symptoms of withdrawal. You need to be in a safe/controlled environment for this, though. There are other options out there like residental treatment facilities, outpatient facilities and or sober living houses. NA can be helpful for a lot of people, but it usually isn’t a panacea.
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Y.our
E.ligible
T.oo
Meth isnt a “soft” drug so dont kid yourself, it helped my addiction rob me of my life. I am not sure how long you have been using it but we all know that addiction is a progressive disease. What you are experiencing isnt going to get any better unless you make some different moves. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said…
When we are talking about going up against the beast that is addiction we can not afford any weak links. Its a champion fight and it lasts a lifetime. We dont get to fight for 2 months and then put our gloves down. I am on year 5 and I still have to fight this fucker down just in different ways.
You know, I can totally relate to how you said your addict disassociates you so that you can use. Mine does that today, and it stashes pills and tools to cut “just incase i need them”. Then i have these foggy memories like i was dreaming, but i know myself so i check on myself and low and behold there’s a stash. We might not be morally defective but we are sick people, addiction is a mental health disorder and it needs to be accepted as such. Once you can see whats happening inside of you; that there is a part of your brain that is just trying to save you from ever experiencing pains that it has felt before, we get to start healing. Then we can have some compassion for ourselves and maybe when we see that part showing up to “help” us get out of our head we can remind them we have other tools and call our sponsor, or a friend or hit a meeting etc.
There is definitely hope for everyone if they are willing to do the work. Keep trying, but dont keeps trying the shit that isnt working for you. Do different things, you deserve freedom from active addiction.
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Adding to the other posts, block then delete any contacts that you can source meth from. Stay away from areas or people where you buy it. Dump any stashes you may have.
What’s YOUR plan? for staying sober? Checking in daily to maintain focus #65 is a great thread full of like minded people on their sober journey.
It seems like you already have figured out that attending meetings is a key part of sobriety. Doing it alone is tough. On TS, you have 24/7 worldwide support at your fingertips. Keep going ODAAT, you’ve got this!
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Thank you all who replied to me. I intend to follow all advice and start meetings again. I know I can try harder. I really want recovery.
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