This popped up on my news feed recently, and it’s makes much more sense to me now than it did before.
While I was actively drinking, I was angry that “happiness” didn’t just drop into my lap on a daily basis. I used to look at others who seemed happy and content in their lives, and wonder, why does that seem so impossible for me?
Through recovery, I’ve learned that we are all responsible for our own happiness. My spouse is not responsible for my happiness, my career is not responsible for my happiness, my friends and family are also not responsible. Only I can control the things in my life that either do, or do not bring happiness.
Did you know that the leading cause of divorce is unmet expectations? In my own marriage, I have had to evaluate the things that do not make me happy, and really take a hard look at the expectations I hold for myself, as well as those I hold for my spouse. I realized that several of the components that were leading to unhappy feelings, were attributed to a lack of communication on my part. How could my husband meet my expectations, if I hadn’t communicated to him exactly what I needed?
Since this realization I have put effort into creating my own happiness within my own reality. I am making time for myself, setting clear boundaries and expectations with loved ones, splurging on little things for myself that I never would have considered myself worthy of, and spending time showing gratitude for all that I have in this life.
I challenge each and every one of you to create happiness for yourself this weekend, may it be something small, or something on a grander scale. Happiness lies within us all, sometimes we just need to do a little digging to find it there
Thank you to my fiends on here who have helped me to find happiness each and everyday @Eke@Lionfish@MandiH@ChicagoT@RedDragon@MoCatt@Englishd@DungeonMaster@Becsta
“Expectations are premeditated resentments.” --@Lionfish
Good on ya, @Allicat388! I don’t know how to describe concisely how I make happiness or if I even make it myself. Not making miserable was sure as hell a strong first step though.
I do know those expectations are the worst, especially when bottled up and uncommunicated. And perpetually undermining when I don’t live up to my own!
This goes along one the lines of my favorite philosophies.
To find the answers to your life, you must look within yourself.
We have everything we need to be happy. Much like water, happiness won’t flow out of a rusted pipe, we must repair the pipe ourselves instead of calling the plumber to fix the problem for us.
Wonderful post!! When I first heard about expectations and marriage contentment, it was a definite light bulb moment. In our early years my husband was often disappointed I wasn’t meeting some preset expectation he had of me, it was incredibly frustrating as he would base his happiness in our relationship on it and I in turn had expectations he would be more able to love me as I was. A vicious expectation cycle. It wasn’t until we were both able to accept eachother and our selves as works in progress and not expect perfection that we were able to create our own happiness. Letting go was key. I am not saying brushing needs or wants or failings aside, but more accepting and understanding that happiness is an inside job. The partner becoming our everything does not guarantee happiness. Getting sober doesn’t either (it sure does help tho). Issues do not magically disappear. But relaizing the strength we have to be happy right here, right now regardless was a true watershed moment for me and for our relationship.
Thanks so much for this topic. Such a good reminder.
My dear sweet friend, this is a lovely post and you teach me things about myself everytime we talk, I seem to be lacking in participation these days, but maybe that is because I am finding happiness in each day, taking time to go to coffee shops with friends and a nice guy I’ve met through coaching
I really needed this post so much!!..Thank you for the amazing reminder that we are in control of our individual selves and our actions/reactions and emotions are the biggest responsibility we have.
I love that picture as well, it’s just so sweet and spot on.
Thank you, every day, sometimes more, I come here for help finding answers for this battle. So many of you have provided such wisdom and with that comes great encouragement… be well.
Thank you for that post
The last weeks have been stressful. I let the gossipping and toxicity from work travel home with me, kept it in my head where it became more and more powerful and finally started to drain me.
Yesterday I started to take vitamins again. I’ll reduce bad foods (chips and all kind of sweets I inhaled over the last weeks) and have to start taking care of me. In the end this creates happyness, when I know I treat myself well Thanks for the reminder.
I was just talking to my therapist about this at my last session. I feel like I’ve lost the ability to be happy. I find that in moments when I should feel happiness I just feel “meh”. I think I’ve convinced myself that I don’t deserve happiness or something.
I CAN feel happiness FOR someone else. Like at my daughter’s play, or my other daughter’s dance recital, I can feel happy for them. Happy with their success after months of hard work etc. I can feel happy for someone else if they get a promotion or something. But I never feel happiness for ME.
Anyways. Recently it was posted here on the Motivation and Meditation post a fabulous quote from Carlos Santana.
“Happiness is not a destination or a feeling. It is a decision.”
That hit me right in the gut. WOW. It is time for me to decide that I do deserve to feel happy!!!
I’ve always had plenty in my life to be happy about, but I was stubborn as could be in holding tight to my negative emotions. That was my barrier. I wouldn’t let them go until the root cause of them was changed to let things work my way. Since I started learning to stop that nonsense, I’ve had happiness more and more. Can’t take cookies out of the jar with hands full of rocks.
Everyday I wake up I struggle with resentments and anger. There are times when all is calm and I feel contentment but it is is short bursts. I struggle with letting go of things I cannot change. I have read books, gone to meetings, prayed whatever I could think of. It is like have a toolbox full of tools but don’t know how they work. Your right though happiness and letting go is a decision. I have make the choice to let go and be happy. That means I have to pause and not react to situations. Keep working on you. It will all fall into place one day when you are not paying attention.
Exactly!! Happiness is a lifelong project, it’s fluid and there is really no standard measure. I think we all deal with resentments, I’m just trying to work through mine, and not let them cloud an otherwise sunny day!!
It wasn’t until we were both able to accept eachother and our selves as works in progress and not expect perfection that we were able to create our own happiness. Letting go was key. I am not saying brushing needs or wants or failings aside, but more accepting and understanding that happiness is an inside job. The partner becoming our everything does not guarantee happiness. Getting sober doesn’t either (it sure does help tho). Issues do not magically disappear. But relaizing the strength we have to be happy right here, right now regardless was a true watershed moment for me and for our relationship.
