Most people these days ask “Do you want to go out for some drinks?” Or drinking is just part of the fun that goes with a date, you know? How do you have fun without it? while, everyone else is having fun with it? How do you tell someone you like who drinks “I’m sober I don’t drink” but they do. How does that ever work?
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I have been on a few dates and at the time just said I’m on a health kick. If anything got serious I would have then trusted them enough to tell them the truth but I didn’t proceed. It’s tough to let someone know straight up because I assume they assume I’m already a liability. Next time I’ll go bowling lol
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Why even think about dating right now? Take this time to focus on yourself and your recovery. Most will agree, new relationships and major life changes should be put on the back burner during the first year of sobriety. You’re having a tough time letting go of one relationship and you’re already thinking about dating?
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This is great advice
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The situation with the person in my life is not who I’m dating. Wasn’t going to post my love life on here that’s why I’m asking this question was because I haven’t been on a date in like 5 years.
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My first date in 3 years was about 4 months ago and that was shit, I think I enjoyed the online persona way more than the real thing. Then 2 months ago I started hanging out with someone I knew when I was young thinking it was leading to something but she then confessed she had a boyfriend she hated but was testing the waters. I got pretty drunk and cracked the shits and the rest is history lol.
Once I hit my year things just flowed and I was able to hang out. But really do just focus on yourself there is so much to learn and vibe within yourself. And when you decide to let ppl in be careful, I started hanging with ppl who partied daily and yeah ended up relapsing. It happens quick and specially when you say it never will happen to you
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See I hate the online dating thing these days lol except that you can hide behind it.
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I know that I need to concentrate on me right now first especially right now at the beginning of my sobriety after relapsing. Sometimes just wonder if having that someone there for that extra love and support makes it any easier.
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It probably would. And when it’s time it will happen and you’ll know 
. I have the same feelings so don’t beat yourself up, they are normal feelings
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I’m glad I’m not alone. 
Is 31 too old to still not have someone? Not be married or have more kids?
I think about that all the time going through all this.
It sucks 
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No. I’m 31 as well, I have kids but none of the other stuff were never to old
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Thank you 
I will start believing that. 
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I had various chats and liked a few woman online. I think if I put my psychology hat on I would say I felt just as nice when I knew there was a connection online as I did in real life but could leave it at that, and somehow I still felt that nice feeling of connection. Like is said I only met for one date during my online experience and she was great but we both had similar reactions which was it was not there in person.
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Just like that. Simple. Clear. Concise.
To your earlier question, as to how to start dating sober, perhaps a better question is “how to date while trying to get sober?”.
The best answer is: you don’t. Get sober first. Figure out what it is you drink over, and address this, before adding all of the stress and pressure of trying to forge a new romantic relationship.
That is not to say you need to be a hermit. Humans are social creatures and some are especially sensitive to prolonged isolation. Spend some time getting to know the new sober you. Focus on your recovery. Do whatever it takes for this season of your life, be it rehab, meetings, this app. Find a passion, something that doesn’t involve drinking, like running or biking, photography or painting. Then find others who share this passion. Maybe you volunteer at an animal shelter and meet others whose passion is finding good homes for abandoned or unwanted animals. Maybe you take a class on Japanese language and culture, and meet others who share the same interest and soon you are cooking dinners and speaking the language with new friends.
For me it was martial arts. I started as a white belt Krav Maga and Kickboxing student about 90 days after I quit. Not only am I now 6-9 months away from my Black Belt, I’ve made some fantastic friends, which whom I frequently socialize outside of class. They know I don’t drink and they’re cool with it. It’s a complete non-issue.
Why? Because our relationship is not centered on the act of drinking.
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For me a good indicator of when to start dating is when I am no longer worried about how to tell someone I am sober.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
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Thank you and I also voted as well.
My best advice would be - don’t rush into it, not saying you are. I know it’s corny and everyone says this but it will come when you aren’t looking for it, or when you least expect it!
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This is the best advice! Kind of what I was getting at with my reply to this. 
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