Hi everyone!
My name is Julyet, I’m new to this app. It seems great!
I was wondering if you had any advices about dealing with social events and friends drinking a lot. They are really nice people, I enjoy their company. Two of my dear friends recently went to terrible breakups and are in the phase of coping with heavy drinking and parties. They know my history with alcohol and I think they don’t realize how complicated this is, probably because they can’t address it without looking at their own relationship with alcohol, so it’s easier to not see it at all. Most of times they encourage me of joining them with drinks and it has become an issue to me. I don’t know how to keep seeing them while this is going on… Tips?
Thanks a lot for reading!
All of my friends drink, and that doesn’t make them bad people. There was a phase where they would ask “When are you going to start drinking again?”, “Want a beer/shot?”. If it’s all in good fun and you can laugh with them and that is the extent of their pressure, you should be fine. Your real friends will embrace the fact that you’re sober. They may even tell you how proud they are of you for getting sober, while they are one-eye, white girl wasted. They will slowly question you about how you feel, and compliment you on how you look and present yourself. That’s when they confide in you, become a beacon of light and the lost will seek you out.
On the other hand, if your friends are more like drinking buddies they may extradite you first, no big deal. Don’t plan on people changing because you did, you are now the most important person in your life, shed the baggage.
Glad you’re here.
main thing in early sobriety is to avoid any places were there is going to be drink thats my experience . peer pressure is a common factor of relapse im afraid to say , so be careful maybe try a meeting get new sober friends wish you well
Thanks @EricH for your answer. It is nice to remind myself that I need to search for my balance in within and especially not to expect for all my friends to be at the same page. Of course I don’t expect any of them to operate the same changes, it is my sober journey. I m just feeling a bit lost on how to work on myself to get to the point where I feel confident enough to be in those drinking environments and not fall for peer pressure. As said @Ray_M_C_Laren , it can be though, it has been my last relapse with them actually. Probably I’m not there yet and should avoid hanging in drinking situations with them for a while. I just declined an invitation to a Halloween party tomorrow because I’m not comfortable with myself in such a drunk evening. I’ll get there eventually and be able to enjoy events with friends while being strong and sober! Thanks!
For me, if it had to do with drinking it was out of my life.
In the beginning, it seemed like doing that meant my world was coming to an end.
I am 3.5 years sober…looking back this is what I found:
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I cannot even remember the social events I missed, and not one single person has mentioned it.
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friends…the ones that were true friends, understood what I was going through and we did things with out alcohol. They are still in my life. The ones that just couldnt understand, and didnt “include me” or were upset I was no longer doing drinking things are out of my life. I learned who really cared about me
The point of all this…protect your sobriety first.
Hi @Thirdmonkey
That resonates a lot. I need to come to that realization, it’s hard to let people go but sure, sobriety first!
They are real friends, I just think they have issues with the whole sobriety idea. When we speak about my history they are full of understanding and compassion, very supportive. And when we are in a party environment their own drinking brings them to forget about how important that is to me. I want to be strong on my position even though they tend to have this paradoxes. Yep I am taking a break from the triggers and offer other types of meetings with them in daytime with activities for a change. thanks @SoberGuyUSA
I am on day 7 and going to a house party to see my girlfriends tonight. They’ll be drinking alcohol and I am bribing a bottle of sparkling juice for me. I’ll pour it into a champagne glass and everybody’s happy. I could have said no to the party but chances I’ll be bored and tempted to drink are higher if I sit home alone on my day off. This could be a solution for those situations when you can’t avoid going. It is for me.
Definitely set some very strong BOUNDRIES.
When I got sober, I realized my friends were just drinking buddies. I had some deeper, emotional connection with some, but at its core, they were still drinking buds. I ended up getting new friends, sober friends.
I still send the occasional “what’s up?” Or happy birthday text, but I spend my time with sober friends now and honestly, I’ve no regrets; I’m not missing anything of value.
As Jim Rohn would say, “you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with”.
Welcome Julyet! I have no wisdom to offer that someone else hasn’t already said better than I could. Stay strong and protect your sobriety.
Oh that was really interesting, it feels good to read about options and how people can deal with these situations! Thank you @Lisa07
I understand what you mean perfectly! Probably my mind insn’t clear enough for me to understand if they were drinking buddies or not… I do want to find sober friends, that would be so nice!
I live in France and it seems here it is a national sport to drink all the time, sober culture and meetings are really not popular and as diverse as in UK or US. I definitely want to find how to connect with local sober people, that’s my next mission. Thanks so much for your advices @HoofHearted
Oh yeah I can relate to that as well @sandfish. I used to feel like you do. Few months of sobriety and a lot of work on myself in the past have helped me to implant the new habit to never have drinks at home, I feel safe there now, my trigger is more in the outside world but I do remember the feeling. Good luck for your party, the trick of the soft drink in a pretty glass seems super good! I wish you the best 
I had the exact same problem.
I suggest reading Allen Carr easy way.
Also This Naked Mind by Annie Grace.
They both go into massive details about situations like this and they free you from the torture of feeling like your missing out or social situations. I feel like I could hang around someone drinking all day and not want to touch a drop of poison again.
Get them on audio book you’ll be finished in 8 hrs.
Right! I actually have the Allen Carr easy way, such a good idea to read it again! Thanks @Bradleyduggan86
Oh I’m french too, my friends drink alcohol like water of course, and the worst part is that my parents and brother are winemakers, so next time tell yourself it could be worse 
Anyway, stay strong, tell them, if they love you they won’t tease you, and in the end they’ll get used to it.