I have a hard past with alcohol. There’s times when I can drink a few beers with my family and friends and have an awesome time and not feel like I’m being sucked into drinking again for many days or weeks. As I’m getting a little older (24), I noticed that I have a hard time controlling how much I drink, and the way I act when I drink. I black out sometimes. I yell and get angry with my significant other, and it breaks my heart when she tells me the things I have said to her, my parents, and other loved ones when I am under the influence. I want to be able to drink a few beers for enjoyment, but don’t know if I trust myself enough. I’m committed to being sober one day at a time, but just wondered if anyone has any experience like this. Thanks!
Welcome to the forum. There’s another thread going on right now about this very same topic. Here’s the link… Abstinance Vs. Moderation
Thank you!
It’s a tough one,
Honestly I do feel it depends on the person, and time, I know people that abstinence is the only option, moderation is never gonna work for them. And others who can recognize their behaviors and be ok with having a beer with dinner, or with a group of friends.
In the big book of AA, they state all alcoholics dream of the day that they can drink like a normal person.
No matter how you look at it, at first abstinence is the only option, learning how to live without substance is key, then the possibility of introducing alcohol later may be optional depending on the person
So in conclusion it’s going to become a matter of learning about yourself, a true searching moral and physical inventory of yourself to discover who you are
I know there was a time when I drank very similar to what you described. But, I cannot tell you when the changed happened from being a once or twice a month get shitty to wanting to get shitty drunk every time.
I do feel if I could have just stuck with 1 or 2 and stopped, every time, that I likely wouldn’t have become the drunk I am.
When we drink deliberately, we have a problem. It’s the simple truth. Hugs & best of luck.
How do you know about the threads?
Moderation is a very slippery slope. We all know that. The tipping point always changes and the outcome is the only constant. 2 days sober here and all I can do is keep trying.
I have the threads auto sorted by most recent posts and someone had just posted on the other when this one was started so they were listed one right after the other on my list. It was a coincidence how they came up at the same time for me.
Hmmm I’ll have to try and find it I would be totally interested
Welcome!! Lisa so kindly shared a thread on the abstinence vs moderation question. As mentioned, this is asked a lot as we almost all go thru a time when we try to ‘figure out’ how to drink moderately.
You might want to try doing a search on abstinence vs. moderation or just moderation or abstinence, you will find lots of threads and helpful experiences on the topic. Hope that helps!!
Hi @AlexM21. This was a decision that I grappled with for years, many many times. More than I would like to admit.
I tried to make alcohol fit into my life in many times and in many ways. Drinking only on certain days (which didn’t last long), not drinking past a certain time of night (I laughed at the clock as I poured myself “just one more”, meaning the bottle was gonna be finished), I tried only beer instead of whiskey (I ended up drinking both),…and there were plenty more ways but by now I am sure you see the pattern.
For me, moderation was a sort of limbo for me. A half in half out sort of existence because I was essentially trying to live two different lives. And it always came crashing down on me, it was just a question of when.
For me, it was easier and made more sense to do away with it entirely. By no means am I implying getting sober and clean was easy for me, it wasn’t. It’s something even nearly 3 years in that is still a challenge for me on some days.
Alcoholism and addiction have impacts on our physical health, so I have used the following examples to emphasize my point.
A person with a shellfish allergy wouldn’t “eat shrimp in moderation”, that would be foolish and potentially dangerous. A person with a broken foot wouldn’t go for a long hike because they “want to be able to”. Again, that would be foolish and potentially dangerous.
So why treat our addictions any differently?
Welcome!
I don’t think moderation works. But trying to quit when you aren’t truly ready doesn’t usually work either. It’s good you’re able to reflect on these concerns now, at a young age. I’m not certain but I would guess that if you’re having these problems now with alcohol it most likely will only get worse.
How often do you think about alcohol or incorporate alcohol into every day life?
I can’t tell you if you’re an alcoholic or not. What i can tell you is that there is only one garunteed way to not become an alcoholic, don’t drink. I’m a full blown alcoholic so there is no moderation for me. By some miracle didn’t lose my job or my family, i only got one drunk driving ticket in my life (should’ve had many more).
If i could go back to your age before my brain flipped the switch i would and i would quit. I know that’s probably not very helpful but it’s my 2 cents for you. Welcome to the forum.
Since I decided to quit drinking and going to meetings I have been thinking about it more… I never thought about drinking in the past, because I just picked up a bottle of case of beer and did it, without thinking of anything besides getting drunk…
Now I think about it every day. I think about weather or not I can try to start by limiting myself, or having certain days, or just beer and no liquor. I also think about all the times I have acted that have made me disappointed, my wife upset and on the brink of walking away, feeling depressed and being selfish. One big thing that’s keeping me away from it is the fact that I’m a division 1 athlete. This forces me to be busy every day. However it’s also stressful to have the pressure from coaches teammates etc, and I’m afraid that will be a trigger.
I will keep going one day at a time.
Hi Alex and welcome to the forum! As this is a sobriety forum you won’t find champions for moderation here.
What I would say is that in early sobriety, there are sooo many questions about managing a life without alcohol. Totally normal! It is a complete mindshift, you realise how much alcohol is woven into your life even if you weren’t a daily drinker.
It sounds like you have some good reasons to lay off the drink for now at least. I found that the longer I spent without alcohol in my life, the easier it became. I leaned into this forum and realised how much I had in common with people I considered to have ‘proper addictions’. The idea of drinking became less attractive. I realised that I don’t need to be drunk to enjoy myself. The only things I don’t do sober, that I used to do drunk, are the things I felt really ashamed of.
It took a while to find my sober groove but now I am there it feels pretty comfortable. Life isn’t always amazing. I have uncovered some stuff which was probably always there, possibly what made me drink unhealthily in the first place.
Being sober doesn’t fix everything, but it means I have the best opportunity to live life on the terms it gives me and that’s something I am grateful for.