How to start fixing the chaos and pain that we've brought to our families. ALL FEEDBACK WELCOME PLEASE

I’ve been beyond a :tornado: Tornado mixed with a :volcano: volcano in my addiction. I’ve hurt so many people my children being at the very top of this list. Now I want to start trying to build some kind of common ground. I want to try to let them know that I don’t want to be that person anymore. And everyday without them breaks my heart a little more. If anyone has anything like this going on I would be more then grateful for your thoughts, feelings, and ideas on the subject

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If they see you committing to your sobriety they’ll see the changes. Going to meetings, reading books on it. If one meeting doesn’t click try a different one; they’re all a little different.

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All you need to do is don’t pick up, seek a support network, with your actions they will see your trying. :pray:

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Thank you I really appreciate that I’m still slowly working my way into meeting but the fear in me is still so over powering and I don’t know why. I felt the same way about this community and now everyday I feel like a flower blooming just a tiny bit more

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It is hard to walk into a room of strangers but they all had a day one too. And they kind of celebrate your decision!

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I know. There has been a million broken promises and a billion years shed because of it. But I would like to be able to tell them I love and miss them

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Thank you and I know that’s honest and only time and bring true to myself this time will even be a start. :smirk::pensive:

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This hits my heart. Thank you. This pain is now even able to be put in words. But I put a smile on and act like I’m doing great when in all reality I’m dying inside but I do understand what you’re saying. And I’m just going to keep doing the best I can to be a better person… and a dinner healthier one

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They are all teenagers but grown and my train wreck of a life is what they know me for. I more then anything want to change that for not only them but myself as well

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I’m just grateful to hear it from such amazing people that they have felt this pain and with time have been able to come right. And I deeply appreciate every single one of you taking time out of your day for this because it means the world to me. And I guess I need to just slow down and focus on me and my sobriety right now

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Not to sound selfish, but remember that recovery is yours, they will be able to enjoy the good that comes with it, only by you leading through example will they see that you mean business and that you are actually becoming a better person through your sobriety😀

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Hi Holly I don’t have anything new to add beyond what the wise ones above have already said - they nailed it.

I do want to say, I see you. Our children are so important to us, and often they feel closer to us than we are to ourselves (if that makes sense). In a way, our relationship with our children is an external representation of our relationship with ourselves: if we have an understanding, supportive, respectful relationship with ourselves, then we inevitably have an understanding, supportive, respectful relationship with our children.

This is a good time to do some work on your relationship with yourself. It will feel unfamiliar and awkward at times - get used to it; in sobriety we learn to love our awkwardness and learn from it, instead of running & numbing - but it is 100% worth it.

Take care Holls and remember: you’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. (You are. You don’t have to prove it to anyone. You do deserve that safe, sober life. It does take effort, but it is worth it & I promise, you are good enough & you deserve the health & the benefits it brings.)

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Building back trust and stability was vital for me when I started on my recovery……but don’t lose sight of the reality that sobriety is yours, to hold tightly and rebuild you. If we fall into patterns where we make repairing relationships the main focus we can get too far removed from repairing OUR relationship with our individual self. I always remember the adage that “hurt people hurt people”, so if I’m working on my injuries and making myself the best person I can be, I won’t continue to inflict damage. There’s a reason the 12 steps are in the order they are, and making amends to others is not the first step :smiley:. One day at a time, sister. You got this.

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This truly touched me thank you so much

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The insight and love, knowledge and honesty I get is what I think I’ve always needed… but never had in my life. I suppose the saddest part of that statement is that it all is coming from people that don’t know me (yet) but you all are :100: percent correct, I hold my sobriety sacred. And I deserve to take the time to work on me, get to know myself. And then try to work on my chaos from the past. It’s all about learning and I’m slowly doing that. The perk to all that is I have the best teachers on the planet… All of you. Thank you for all you all so for me

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I have nothing for this one. Because everything they are telling you. Honestly fell for me. It was all my fault the alcohol, the drugs. I got sober it was still my fault. I haven’t seen my grandkids, going on almost 2 years. My heart has been broken. it’s a sore subject. I can’t have my daughter around bad bad situation. Çauses major depression, bad bad situation, hurts my stomach, makes my brain hurt, my heart just aches, I cry for days and days over it. I’m so sorry I cannot help with this one. I wish I could. And I was a good mother!

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I honest to God know what you’re feeling

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I hope you don’t because my daughter what she does to me is so painful you just don’t have a clue the lies the stories the things that she has done to hurt me I hope no one ever in the whole world has to ever experience that just this post alone has me crying that’s how bad it is.

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I could not even let her know I was in the hospital having my neck done It’s that bad

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Neither of my daughter’s speak to me, because of my behavior. Especially this past year. One said she hopes I die the other hates me. My son is the only one that has even a little too do with me and it isn’t like a mother. It’s just like any of adult he would be speaking to and it hurts.

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