For me actions speak louder than words. So my amends to my mother, father, sister, close friends, ect. Is to do better. Everyday. Do better. They’ve heard “sorry” 1000x its meaningless at this point. They love me and all they’ve ever wanted was for me to do better. Be a brother, be a son, be a friend. So I do my best each day. They see the change. They saw the change in me, before I did. I do better each day. Thats how I repair what Ive broken.
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My relationship with my wife and teenage daughter were probably the relationships I screwed up the most.
I think the best way I won them back was through my actions. I lived with them while I quit so I had interactions with them daily.
I didnt try to apologize to them immediately. They were able to see me change through my calm demeanor, taking responsibility for my actions, saying sorry when I was wrong.
Im just talking about daily stuff… if I had any disagreements with my wife or daughter and realized later I could have handled it better. I would apologize and let them know that I knew I should have handled it better.
I apologized to my wife for alot of different things in regards to my drinking a little after one year. I did it once I felt she had enough trust in me that I was not going to drink again. So that my apology had more credibility.
If you arent able to interact with the people you want to apologize to maybe you could write them a letter and hold onto it until you feel the time is right, or maybe never give it them but keep it for yourself.
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Sometime a living amends is the best i can do, for people that arent here to make amends to, i have to remember that as long as im not out here hurting people the way i use too that im getting better, God will forgive me and i will stay sober, not blame myself for some of the chaos i created, im not perfect and i made the mistakes but only i have to live with that and forgive myself
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Just for today
I’m sorry"
Page 196
“The main thing [the Eighth Step] does for us is to help build awareness that, little by little, we are gaining new attitudes about ourselves and how we deal with other people.”
Basic Text, p. 39
To say “I’m sorry” probably isn’t such a foreign idea to most of us. In our active addiction, it may have been a very familiar phrase. We were always telling people how sorry we were, and were probably deeply surprised when someone, tired of our meaningless apologies, responded with, “You sure are. In fact, you’re the sorriest excuse for…” That may have been our first clue that an “I’m sorry” didn’t really make any difference to those we harmed, especially when we both knew that we’d just do the same thing again.
Many of us thought that making amends would be another “I’m sorry.” However, the action we take in those steps is entirely different. Making amends means to make changes, and above all, to make the situation right. If we stole money, we don’t just say “I’m sorry. I’ll never do it again now that I’m clean.” We pay the money back. If we neglected or abused our families, we don’t just apologize. We begin to treat them with respect.
Amending our behavior and the way we treat ourselves and others is the whole purpose of working the steps. We’re no longer just “sorry”; we’re responsible.
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Some of that was tough to read, but I know it’s right. It is hard to be this happy without them and honestly I feel guilty. I I’m just going to have to hold on to my sobriety and hope they see I’m changing. And I’ll keep changing the longer I’m sober. Thank you all so much for your thoughts and experience
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They’re angry and speaking on hurt feelings.
I felt the same way about my father and his alcoholism. He’s been dry for a long time now and he’s a great person and a great dad and a wonderful grandpa too.
I went down the same alcoholic path and I’m trying to repair what I’ve broken. I know it takes time with first hand experience being on the other side, it just feels like I’m not getting anywhere. I miss my kids and my wife, but I need to show them I’m not drunk me, I’m not that asshole anymore. Trying to improve myself so they’ll want to be around me, and not just out of pity, trying to be the person I need to be. It hurts and it’s hard and I’m sorry you’re going through this too.
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I’m just glad I have people to go threw this with and hear other ups and downs. Hopefully that will give me the hope and joy of knowing that if I just continue to hang on a day will come. That may not be perfect but will be a better day with them in it 
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Accountability is a big part of the whole process for me as well, today im responsibly and accountable for my actions and how i treat others, opposed to how i was when using. I was inconsiderate and irresponsible being in recovery now i feel more respectful of myself and careful how i carry and conduct daily activities, i watch my destuctive attitude and foul mouth because i know i can offend people very easily, im an egocentric a**hole but i dont have to prove that to anyone.
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When I got to the rooms I got some identification with others that were like me and i wanted what they had so i did what they did. I got a sponsor and worked the program by regular meeting attendance, step work and service work. About 2 and 1/2 years into recovery my wife told me she wanted a divorce. But by continuing working the program we are amicable and I still have my family. I made sure to not try make any amends until I was ready by working the previous steps. One thing I’ve realized is that by living a life of recovery they see that I’ve changed and come around on there own. Its attraction not promotion. If I were to go back and use I know I’m screwed and ill lose everything I’ve gained which is a life I never thought I’d have. I thought I was going to die a using addict and the program proved me wrong when I surrendered and accepted recovery as the solution.
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They’re born into this world loving us, They learn to judge us,
And we pray they forgive us before our death 
That is sad isn’t when we would give our lives for them
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And sometimes that’s so hard to hold on to with or without them 
Thank God we have this community to help us get through it…
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@jonathanlee213 I always look forward to your thoughts and feedback. They always make me look at something I missed.
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Today I came home from work and all three of my children were here!!! They all one by one walked up to me . Told me they loved me and how proud they were off me. They continued with me being sober was all they ever wanted from me and they wanted the mom they remembered when they were little. They offered to go to family therapy with me now that I’m sober and they all set up dates for us to go out just me and one of them at a time and have lunch together. I’m still in tears I NEVER thought they would speak to me again and although I know they have been though a lot because of me I will spend as long as it takes making sure they are healthy physically, mentally and spiritually with me and happy. I also offered them Al-Anon meetings and two of the three are going to go.
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Such wonderful news!
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That’s so wonderful! I’m so happy for you and the family. I got choked up reading this!
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I was completely stunned. They haven’t spoke to me in such a long time but a friend of theirs sent them what I had posted on Facebook about almost being at that two week mark and how much happier and peaceful my life was the only thing missing was my baby’s and that’s all they wanted.
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I felt this void even with my happiness. And now that I have that void filled… IT’S GAME ON I’m throwing every inch of my heart mind and soul into being a better sober me and never looking back.
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Oh that is so heart warming bring tears to my eyes! Gives me so much hope, things that have been crumbling can now be restored our lives and relationships can be rebuilt and peace and happiness are not a mere promise actually can be attained😂if we just keep working on this recovery, our sobriety! Such a wonderful thing
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I love this so much. I’m so glad your children surprised you after work.
You are doing amazing things, keep up the hard work!!
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