I’m on day 79 AF. My husband and I are on vacation at the beach. He’s drinking his usual 10 to 12+ a day. He was pretty tipsy tonight and said he wished I would start drinking again. It really hurt my feelings. Am I not as much fun now?
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People who drink have a problem with being the only one “having fun”
We know how to enjoy ourselves now in our sobriety. It’s tough. I don’t mind people drinking, but it ain’t for me anymore. I kind of makes me feel sad that they can’t enjoy themselves like I can with a clear mind.
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I am pretty sure you are still as much fun as you used to be. What is likely happening is that your husband feels exposed when you are not drinking with him, it forces him to evaluate his own habit and he does not like what he sees. While he is not ready to quit, he is trying to get you to join him again in the name of ‘fun’ and ‘a good time’.
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Hi @Breezy3, I don’t think it’s about fun. I think he starts to question his own consumption. And that’s an inconfortable feeling. When everyone is drinking then everyone is equally not accountable. Keep at it and don’t take it personally. Easier said than done, I know.
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I drank because it was fun. Until it didn’t become fun anymore and became life shattering. Alcohol is marketed to be about fun period. It’s a “party”. How can you party without it right? As a past bartender and manager, that’s all it’s about. You cannot watch a football game without a drink. You can’t enjoy holidays with the fam without a drink. Birthdays, camping, concerts, weddings, etc… the list goes on and on. I remember trying to find space to steady my drinking with my fellow bar mates coworkers and even family because there was ALWAYS an excuse to drink. Well we planned trivia with so and so tmrw night. I’ll take a break after that. Wait we can’t because it’s Tom’s birthday, we’re supposed to have brunch with so and so, it’s ugly sweater party, Becky is having a bbq lol. I remember thinking it never stops does it. Until we stop it and stop making excuses and making it about fun. Others who enjoy drinking are about fun. And they simply cannot enjoy it themselves because they aren’t having as much fun when we’re all being drunk and “making memories”
It’s a market and it sells.
Don’t ever let someone use that as an excuse to say you’re not fun anymore. They have a problem and just aren’t ready to realize life doesn’t need a drink to be fun. It’s really fricken hard to give up things we enjoy. A usual 10-12 a day is a problem and we all know it. Keep doing you. My step father is now over 30 days sober because me not drinking put light to his issues. He didn’t like it at first, but now he’s becoming the guy we remember and love. He also thought things weren’t fun anymore. Sitting around a campfire is hard to do still.
I didn’t mean any of this negative. Just a touchy subject for me and sobriety and others reasonings for drinking and actually not putting people they love first before the “fun” Others can drink maturely sure, but alcohol is a market and it sells. Period. I’m a firm believer in, nothing good ever comes from it.
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AF alcool free
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Your husband’s being a selfish asshole. I know this because I was the same selfish asshole. People that can’t enjoy themselves without alcohol feel alone when they’re drinking, so they try and bring other people down in the hole with them. You’re sobriety is 100% yours. If you really want it protect it at all costs. If he really cares about you, he’ll see that and respect it. Congratulations on your 79 days SAF 
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How awesome you’re doing this for yourself coming from the weight loss aspect but realising some of the bigger benefits as you stayed sober! You sound very perceptive and ready to wake up and change into a happier better version of you! That’s wonderful!
I think for your husband, yes, you are less fun now.
But redefining what makes you happy and healthy I think takes priority over continuing to provide fun or whatever others want of us as the expense of our own wellbeing. If there is this discord now, it is necessary because you are changing. I hope your husband will see that you are feeling better and will let you be. But it’ll likely take some boundary-setting and patience from both sides.
If you wanna talk about being w a drinker as a sober chick, join us over here: Are you affected by a loved one who’s an addict?
Here are some awesome resources to immerse yourself in sobriety and learn more about it all: Resources for our recovery
All the best and welcome here!
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So well said JB
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When I was wasted 24/7 there were times when I was the life of the party. I was a ton of fun. But there were far more times when I was an absolute nightmare. That was the risk when people went out drinking with me. They might have a great time or they might end up at the crack house.
When I got sober I probably wasn’t as much fun at first. But I also wasn’t dangerous. Like everything in sobriety, having fun is something we need to practice. And it takes a while. I started by going to AA events and learning how to have fun with other sober people. Eventually I got comfortable enough to have fun around anyone.
These days most would agree that I’m pretty fun without the booze. Perhaps I’m less fun than before, but perhaps I’m more. Regardless, I haven’t had so much “fun” that I dragged my friends to a crack house.
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This trips me up all the time too! 
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That sucks, man, it really does when your better half isn’t supportive of your progress. Trust me, sober you can become the most fun version of yourself ever. And more importantly, you can actually have fun and enjoy yourself. I’ve lost count of things I’ve done in the past year and a half that were enjoyable because I wasn’t hangover.
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I’m sure you are fun, just different fun. Drinking isn’t fun. Hang in there. Just try to nudge hubby towards doing stuff that doesn’t always revolve around drinking. 
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Seems like 95% of the posters here are saying the same thing, that’s it’s the remaining drinking partner who has issues.
Most likely true. BUT, there’s also the chance that someone who has just stopped the booze is uptight about it, maybe even on a dry drunk. It’s difficult to determine in this case because we only hear one side of the story.
We all know there’s probably more to be revealed.
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That may well be the case, but we also all know that partners not being supportive of sobriety and applying pressure to go back to drinking is simply not OK. Drinking alcohol shouldn’t be the norm, ever.
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@Dirk i totally agree with your post @bobslife 95%of your post s are borderline negative seems a lot more fun and happiness maybe needed in your long sobriety 
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In addition, I may also add: I am not too quick to judge the husband: when he says those horrible things, he is also somewhat under the influence of alcohol. And did we ever regret the stupid things we said when drunk? I sure do.
Sometimes a little understanding of why we say what we say goes la long way.
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@Cleon i also am not quick to judge breezy3s husband at ten to twelve drinks a day it clearly suggests he is very much still in the madness and would like his drinking partner back to enjoy the “fun”with him
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How are you doing now?
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