Huge mistake, decided to drink after 2.5yrs 😞

I’ve only been on here 1 week, but lots of people seem obsessed with numbers… don’t worry that you are back to 1 that is just a number. You have obviously made huge progress in your life being sober for so long. Don’t dwell on what day you are on, just think in the past you would have felt drunk of hungover a lot and for you it’s been a teeny tiny minority of the time. That is something to be proud of. You are equipped now know how to be long term sober. One little slip with no damage done is still a great place to be. You should still be very proud of yourself

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Thanks, Matt!! I’m so excited! Headed to the airport shortly :smiley::airplane::es: Thanks for your msg. I will definitely post some pics! And I will be here everyday for the support you all so kindly offer, as I love my sober, alcohol free life! :blush:

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It’s crazy isn’t it, how we can change our life for the better, and yet, so quickly turn it all around again. I’m grateful to be sober today. I know I’m ensuring a better day for myself without alcohol. I still think about drinking a lot, and I question my decisions, but then I come here and read and remember why I am here - why I choose to be sober…
Sober life = my best life. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Same here brother. I was just over 5 years clean. Lost job and was struggling for sure. One argument with the wife and that was it. Believe me we do make the decision to use way beforehand. I continued to drink for several months. Made the choice to give it up 23 days ago. Not looking back. I’m here to chat about shit if you need to.

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It’s been 205 days now since the lapse day. Yesterday I had a much needed reminder as to why I choose not to drink alcohol anymore. I’m grateful for what happened. I went to a restaurant and ordered food and a non-alcoholic mojito. I figured ordering a non-alcoholic drink, the waiter would be clear on the fact that I don’t want alcohol. When he brought me the bill, he brought with him a ‘taster’ of a drink, “gratis” in a shot-size glass. He didn’t say if it was alcohol or not (in hindsight, I really should have clarified)
I decided to drink it, thinking he knew that I did not order alcohol and therefore wouldn’t serve it me without my asking or acknowledgement. But, truthfully, I didnt know and figured it could be. I drank it and afterwards, I was pretty sure it was alcohol (I think…) Within about an hour, I began to feel anxious, a lil sick and like shit. Must’ve been alcohol. I shouldn’t have drank it. However, that small consumption of alcohol (if it was, and this all isn’t just psychological) was a stark and much needed reminder. I hate how alcohol feels with me. I hate what alcohol does to people and society. I don’t want that awful feeling that comes with drinking alcohol. I definitely don’t want to ever feel drunk or hungover again. So, even though it was shit, and I should’ve done more to protect and hold myself accountable, it was still something I feel like I needed to remember. It’s really SO shit that my brain continually starts to glamorize alcohol after a long period without. It’s so frustrating that I, at times, consider bringing alcohol back into my life as if it’s something that will make it “better” or easier … I know it won’t. It will do the opposite. For sure. I will only regret and despair the decision to start drinking alcohol again. So, today, I will make the decision to be sober and feel proud of it.

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i understand fully! It’s all i can say because I can’t stop drinking the most will be the day
after a horrible black out

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Me, too. I actually don’t want to feel drunk. Forget the other :poop: that goes along with it. Hangover…shame…regret…I used to glamorize the buzz, but I really don’t want that, let alone drunkenness.

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Welcome back E! So happy to see you again :innocent: :grin:

Here’s a thing that I think (nerdily) is kind of cool: it’s precisely because your brain wobbles in this way, that you are able to learn and grow.

Any being that wasn’t imperfect would be incapable of learning. Would be incapable of anything really: would just disappear.

We are creatures of our origins, in this wobbly, wonky, wondrous, majestic universe, where everything moves in relation to everything else, gravitating one way, the other way; colliding over here, passing by over there; blinking in and out of the intricate, ever-growing tapestry of physical existence.

We are constantly weaving and re-weaving; assembling, disassembling, and reassembling.

Am I saying that’s carte blanche to drink? Of course not. But I am saying that it’s the imbalances, the unexpecteds, that give meaning and depth to our experience, and that help us be our fullest, most aware, most human selves.

You are a thoughtful, devoted, inquisitive, determined human. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this is any threat to you, because far from throwing you off, it has strengthened your resolve to be the clear, grounded person you want to be.

You are wonderful.

Welcome back! :innocent:

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We all can relate and you’re not alone. That’s an achievement many don’t get to. If you did it that long you can go longer. The sad truth is that we can relapse. This is a desease no one would ever ask for or wish on anyone. But we are resilient. I’m back to 8 days today. And didn’t make my meeting from being sleep deprived. But please keep going. All these feelings you are having and we’ve all had are justified. Reach deep inside to that strength you had for 2.5 years. It will only get stronger this time. Keep going. Sometimes it’s not even one day at a time but one second at a time … We’re strong and we can take back control. Remember who you truly are inside. We’re all here for each other. :muscle::sparkles::dizzy::sparkles::dizzy::sob::dizzy:

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You can stop Randie. Please believe you can :heart: I know you can :slightly_smiling_face: set your course and determination and let nothing stop you, not even yourself. You can do this. You are here and you and loved and worthy of a wonderful, alcohol-free life. You just need to believe that, for it is the truth. It took me a long time to figure out that alcohol is poison and brings nothing good into my life. What it does bring is shame, misery, despair, regret, hangovers, depression, embarrassment, stupidity, sadness and many more things that take away from a joyful and fulfilling existence. Take your time, reach out here and read a lot. Learn about alcohol use disorder, and - if you want to - find a community of other sober people who you can share you success and struggles with. Sobriety starts with your decision first, then daily dutiful actions that led to a life of recovery. In a life of recovery, we get stronger everyday and we act with courage. We take things one day at a time. Some days are harder than others. Just love and treat yourself with the kindness and generosity you deserve :heart: I wish you all the best xx

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Thank you, Matt! Your words always bring a soothing to my soul :relaxed: I appreciate you so much.

How are you?

I am feeling strong and happy today!

:muscle::dancer:

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I am doing well, thx E :innocent: I am starting my new business soon, I am busy busy busy doing a never ending list of tasks related to that :sweat: :innocent: but I am happy.

We got some cats earlier this year & they are now really feeling like part of the family. The first few months they settle into the home but once they’re settled they really are part of it - and these two definitely are :innocent:

I have been feeling a little weird about stress and overwhelm related to my business opening. My wife observed yesterday that this type of worry seems very characteristic of me: I worry like this whenever I have a consequential task or project, whether it’s for someone else at a job, or for myself as an entrepreneur.

It’s weird how it affects my thinking though. It’s like a cloud floating in and fogging things up. I am leaning into this feeling and trying to acknowledge and understand it.

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Get to some AA meetings and get a sponsor. Problem solved. Or get a professional assessment and follow their instructions.

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Thank you for this post! I needed this today.

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I’ve been there and know probably pretty much how you felt. I had already made the decision to use at some point and deluded myself into thinking why i deserved to use and if “they all knew how i felt they’d buy it for me.”. So i decided in advance not to call my sponsor and it sucked and it led to another run and worse consequences yet after having 8 months and here i am almost 90 days sober 5 years later.

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Building a business is stressful but i find it so much less stressful than how we used to live and with tangible results if we apply ourselves. I know i do so much better especially in early recovery when i have a large, complicated, fun (for me), project to work on that’ll hopefully make me money and teach me skills! Can the stress you face now be worse than what you lived with 24/7 drinking/using? I know i do extremely well seeing a psychiatrist, therspist, and having a sponsor and working the steps.

We are human and we make mistakes now stop feeling sorry for yourself and put in the work you know you can do and take it one day at a time you are loved brother

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Coming up on nearly a year since that lapse day. As I reflect on that huge mistake when I decided to drink and the months leading up to it - of which I was so engulfed in deep grief from loss - I realise that I’m grateful to be here, where I am today. Today I’m a sober and courageous human. I’m proud of the strength I had not to let that awful day become the end of all of my hard work and lessons. Sobriety has changed my life. I’m SO SO thankful to be able to enjoy life without a need or desire for alcohol. I’m grateful that I know I can live my life happily and healthy without alcohol. I’m grateful that I can face life’s challenges and my anxieties and fears without trying to run away from them (even though I still often think about it…). I’m grateful to be able to help others. I’m grateful that I am who I am. Grateful for my experience. That day was a huge mistake, and one I hope not to make again. But, I’m not going to think about that. Instead, I will just focus on today; one day at a time. I’ve let go of any expectations I have of the future. I will continue to try my best, in all that I do and will continue to remind myself why I choose not to drink alcohol. I’ll think about all the positive outcomes of that decision on my wellbeing - there are so many! An alcohol free lifestyle proves to be my best style of life for me :blush: Really thankful to have this community when I needed it. You were there for me when it happened and without TS I’m not sure I’d be who I am today. Thank you.

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So very happy for you!!! Showing us all how it is done, one day at a time!! :heart: Thank you for sharing your journey so honestly!

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