Me, too. I actually don’t want to feel drunk. Forget the other that goes along with it. Hangover…shame…regret…I used to glamorize the buzz, but I really don’t want that, let alone drunkenness.
Welcome back E! So happy to see you again
Here’s a thing that I think (nerdily) is kind of cool: it’s precisely because your brain wobbles in this way, that you are able to learn and grow.
Any being that wasn’t imperfect would be incapable of learning. Would be incapable of anything really: would just disappear.
We are creatures of our origins, in this wobbly, wonky, wondrous, majestic universe, where everything moves in relation to everything else, gravitating one way, the other way; colliding over here, passing by over there; blinking in and out of the intricate, ever-growing tapestry of physical existence.
We are constantly weaving and re-weaving; assembling, disassembling, and reassembling.
Am I saying that’s carte blanche to drink? Of course not. But I am saying that it’s the imbalances, the unexpecteds, that give meaning and depth to our experience, and that help us be our fullest, most aware, most human selves.
You are a thoughtful, devoted, inquisitive, determined human. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this is any threat to you, because far from throwing you off, it has strengthened your resolve to be the clear, grounded person you want to be.
You are wonderful.
We all can relate and you’re not alone. That’s an achievement many don’t get to. If you did it that long you can go longer. The sad truth is that we can relapse. This is a desease no one would ever ask for or wish on anyone. But we are resilient. I’m back to 8 days today. And didn’t make my meeting from being sleep deprived. But please keep going. All these feelings you are having and we’ve all had are justified. Reach deep inside to that strength you had for 2.5 years. It will only get stronger this time. Keep going. Sometimes it’s not even one day at a time but one second at a time … We’re strong and we can take back control. Remember who you truly are inside. We’re all here for each other.
You can stop Randie. Please believe you can I know you can set your course and determination and let nothing stop you, not even yourself. You can do this. You are here and you and loved and worthy of a wonderful, alcohol-free life. You just need to believe that, for it is the truth. It took me a long time to figure out that alcohol is poison and brings nothing good into my life. What it does bring is shame, misery, despair, regret, hangovers, depression, embarrassment, stupidity, sadness and many more things that take away from a joyful and fulfilling existence. Take your time, reach out here and read a lot. Learn about alcohol use disorder, and - if you want to - find a community of other sober people who you can share you success and struggles with. Sobriety starts with your decision first, then daily dutiful actions that led to a life of recovery. In a life of recovery, we get stronger everyday and we act with courage. We take things one day at a time. Some days are harder than others. Just love and treat yourself with the kindness and generosity you deserve I wish you all the best xx
Thank you, Matt! Your words always bring a soothing to my soul I appreciate you so much.
How are you?
I am feeling strong and happy today!
I am doing well, thx E I am starting my new business soon, I am busy busy busy doing a never ending list of tasks related to that but I am happy.
We got some cats earlier this year & they are now really feeling like part of the family. The first few months they settle into the home but once they’re settled they really are part of it - and these two definitely are
I have been feeling a little weird about stress and overwhelm related to my business opening. My wife observed yesterday that this type of worry seems very characteristic of me: I worry like this whenever I have a consequential task or project, whether it’s for someone else at a job, or for myself as an entrepreneur.
It’s weird how it affects my thinking though. It’s like a cloud floating in and fogging things up. I am leaning into this feeling and trying to acknowledge and understand it.
Get to some AA meetings and get a sponsor. Problem solved. Or get a professional assessment and follow their instructions.
Thank you for this post! I needed this today.
I’ve been there and know probably pretty much how you felt. I had already made the decision to use at some point and deluded myself into thinking why i deserved to use and if “they all knew how i felt they’d buy it for me.”. So i decided in advance not to call my sponsor and it sucked and it led to another run and worse consequences yet after having 8 months and here i am almost 90 days sober 5 years later.
Building a business is stressful but i find it so much less stressful than how we used to live and with tangible results if we apply ourselves. I know i do so much better especially in early recovery when i have a large, complicated, fun (for me), project to work on that’ll hopefully make me money and teach me skills! Can the stress you face now be worse than what you lived with 24/7 drinking/using? I know i do extremely well seeing a psychiatrist, therspist, and having a sponsor and working the steps.
We are human and we make mistakes now stop feeling sorry for yourself and put in the work you know you can do and take it one day at a time you are loved brother
Coming up on nearly a year since that lapse day. As I reflect on that huge mistake - when I decided to drink and the months leading up to it - of which I was so engulfed in deep grief from loss - I realise that I’m grateful to be here, sober, today. I’m proud of the strength I had to not let that awful day become the end of all of my hard work and lessons. Sobriety has changed my life. I’m SO, so thankful to be able to enjoy life without alcohol. I’m grateful that I know I can live my life happily and healthy without alcohol. I’m grateful that I’ve learnt to face life’s challenges and anxieties -fears, without trying to run away from them (even though I still often think about it). I’m grateful to be able to help others. I’m grateful that I am who I am (most days - hard one). Grateful for experience. That day was a mistake, and one I hope not to make again. But, I’m not going to think about that now. Instead, I will just focus on today. One day at a time. I’m trying to let go of any expectations I have of the future. I’ll continue to try my best, in all that I do, and will continue to remind myself why I choose not to drink alcohol. I’ll think about all the positive outcomes of that decision on my wellbeing (there are so many!). An alcohol free lifestyle proves to be the best style of life for me Really thankful for this community, you’re here when I need . Thank you.
So very happy for you!!! Showing us all how it is done, one day at a time!! Thank you for sharing your journey so honestly!
This just rocked my whole world
You did it that long Wich a lot don’t do. Keep going, if you can achieve that, imagine how much more. I understand and you’ll go through the motions but keep going. It’s a realization that this is a disease for us and no matter 7 days , 2 and even 20 years (an old friend of mine) of sobriety can be affected. You have the strength. Keep going I had to reset and I’m on day 10 and I’ve had urges here and there. I even hid for my bday recently…But I am trying
Wow…that list was awesome.
Today is a new day, welcome back! The good thing here is that you came back to this community and are ready to get right back to work being sober. I think that the thing to remember here is that one bad night doesn’t erase those days you had before. In other words, those sober days are still part of your journey! They’re not lost! The key here is to not fall back into the habit. I’ve heard other people say on here that being sober doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes or have bad moments or days. Sobriety is a journey that is never ending! Take this moment and use it to grow into new phases of your sober journey!
Glad you found it helpful. It is a good reminder for me of what drinking really offers versus the fantasy.
Just realizing I don’t always check the date on posts so I read the initial post and go right to encouraging someone I’m a doofus sometimes. Glad things are back on track!