That’s your inner self-pity and self-shame talking. The real task here isn’t to change the way other people see you. The task is to change the way you see yourself.
Have you checked out a group yet? There are at least two AA groups in Istanbul (first link I give below) and there’s a Turkish general services AA office based in Ankara (you could call them; the second link below):
https://alcoholics-anonymous.eu/meetings/?tsml-region=istanbul
http://www.adsizalkolikler.com/
Plus there’s meetings literally 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year that you can attend online. Here’s a couple links but you can also search “marathon AA meeting” and you’ll get lots of 24 hour options in the results.
This one is a women’s meeting:
Here are some other online resources:
And here’s a search for “marathon AA meeting” - there are lots of results you can go to; you are never far from a meeting, any time of day:
https://www.google.com.tr/search?q=marathon+aa+meeting
You can’t do it alone; no one can. Meetings are one powerful resource: that experienced community has been through it and can help you find your way. Keep an open mind and don’t give up. Do not give up! Every day, reach out to your sober community to connect (instead of isolating and escaping in your addiction, which keeps you numb). Reach out 5 times a day if you want, or even more. That reaching out for help and support, and developing that habit, is key to getting yourself to a safe, healthy place.