Oh I dont believe anyone hates you @Tinkerbell . You are in self hate mode. Let it go. Try to pick up where you left off. Recovery isn’t linear. It isn’t a race with a finish line. I really like the slogan progress not perfection. You can do this. ODAAT. It works if you work it. If you need professional help go get some. Therapy helped me tremendously. Stay 
you are supported and loved.
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No need to say sorry most addict have relapses its a normal thing just your brain being connected that way not to be a downer but your addicted for life you just need to vind a way to deal with it i realy advice to seek professional help its wat keeps me clean also na meetings helps allot you will meet people that are going to the same shit as you and understand what you are going through just keep trying you will get sober if you stick to te na program much luck and love 
in your struggle 
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Tinkerbell, you managed to do 30 drink free days, so you know you have it in you to do it again, and smash that 30 days too!
We all know your struggle, not a soul here could hate you for it. We are on your side. Be kind to yourself, and start afresh sweetheart. We are here with you 
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We don’t hate you. 
That is the shame/guilt/anxiety/self hate messing with you. I am glad you shared here and hopefully are okay now. Professional help sounds like a really good idea. We all need help along the way. Please keep working toward healing. You deserve a healthy life.
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I dont hate you Tink, i care, i love you and you matter to me and many others… you just need some help as we all do, people from all walks of life get caught by addiction and this shit is hard, keep venting so we can all help you with your struggles and journey
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That’s your inner self-pity and self-shame talking. The real task here isn’t to change the way other people see you. The task is to change the way you see yourself.
Have you checked out a group yet? There are at least two AA groups in Istanbul (first link I give below) and there’s a Turkish general services AA office based in Ankara (you could call them; the second link below):
http://www.adsizalkolikler.com/
Plus there’s meetings literally 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year that you can attend online. Here’s a couple links but you can also search “marathon AA meeting” and you’ll get lots of 24 hour options in the results.
This one is a women’s meeting:
Here are some other online resources:
And here’s a search for “marathon AA meeting” - there are lots of results you can go to; you are never far from a meeting, any time of day:
https://www.google.com.tr/search?q=marathon+aa+meeting
You can’t do it alone; no one can. Meetings are one powerful resource: that experienced community has been through it and can help you find your way. Keep an open mind and don’t give up. Do not give up! Every day, reach out to your sober community to connect (instead of isolating and escaping in your addiction, which keeps you numb). Reach out 5 times a day if you want, or even more. That reaching out for help and support, and developing that habit, is key to getting yourself to a safe, healthy place.
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Nobody hates you, remember we’re sick people trying to get better, not bad people trying to be good, take care 
&
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No one here will hate you because you had a step backward. For some people, they quit and never have that back step; for other people, their recovery is more like a strange funky chicken dance where there are flailing steps backward and forward. What matters now is what you do going forward. If you think you need professional care, then get it. You can’t change the past, but you can create the future you want.
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Thank you for your support. I love you all. Today I feel very bad. But its again day 1. Alcohol is definitely not for me. I will keep going. I really really feel bad. But it will pass. So sorry
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Feeling bad and sorry arent going to change anything so roll all those shitty feelings up in a ball, toss them away and give them the fingers! Instead start working on a good sober plan whilst being really kind to yourself, thats a much better option
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You already knew that (you’ve shared in your previous posts). I’m not saying this to be negative, just factual. You’re not running “experiments” to see if alcohol works in some magic combination that won’t have negative consequences. You already know you cannot have 1 drink, ever. You have an allergy to alcohol, like some people have an allergy to peanuts. You must disconnect yourself from alcohol completely.
You need to choose a new behaviour. What new action are you going to do, to start a new path in your healthy life?
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Reset go go again don’t give up , tomorrow is a new day x
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So glad you are here. Today is a new day. 
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I will check them. Online is better I think. Thank you.
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Nothing to be sorry for, nobody hates you. Hell if a relapse made people in the recovery community hate you, I’d be the most hated mfer around.
You’ll get your reality back, alcohol can make you think crazy stuff especially if mixed with other intoxicants or used very heavily for a long period of time. You may have heard the terms “wet brain” or “seeing pink elephants”.
Honestly, professional care can only help. If you’re thinking it, maybe look into it. Are you in the states? Many states have state funded rehabs you can go to regardless of your ability to pay. Your health department might be able to point you in the right direction. I mention it because even my state (usually dead last in all metrics used to measure a states health and success) has a couple great rehab places that will take you in with no insurance/ no money. It won’t show up on the first several pages of a google search, I had to find out about it word of mouth (and it was right down the road).
Relax, let yourself detox and heal for a while. Keep coming back here, we’d rather you come back and talk to us than disappear.
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I will keep coming here. Also I will attend meetings. This place really helps. Feeling better now. Its 3 am here and I just think about what happened. I am in İstanbul Türkiye.
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Yes you are right. I dont take it as a negative comment. I know its bad for me of course but here the addiction shows itself. Something happens and your mind convinces you. Can you people believe that I dont remember writing here last night. In the morning I saw it. Horrible. I will keep saying it. Alcohol is not for me. And I am an alcoholic. But i am recovering.
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How badly do you want that to stop?
Maybe a better question to ask:
What are you willing to do, to make those tricks stop?
Maybe an even better question:
What are you not willing to do, to make those tricks stop?
Are you (un)willing to:
- call sober contacts every day?
- be completely honest with yourself and with another human being in a program of recovery? (It can’t just be any human because unless someone is in a recovery program or at least aware of recovery best practices they won’t know how to help)
- eliminate social contacts and places that romanticize drinking for you and make you think one drink wouldn’t be so bad?
- etc
What are you willing to do to make this work? How bad do you want this?
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I want it. The most difficult part is to accept the problem. I did it. I decided. I will try my best.
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Share with us about your meetings - check out one of the online meetings & let us know how it goes! 
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