Here I am again. “Here” is a brutal hangover from hell, pleading with myself to stop drinking. Pulse racing, chest pain, nausea, dizziness, brain fog, shaking, horrible anxiety, blurred vision. And I just started a new job not even a week ago so I’m trying to push through the day, minute by minute, scared to death wondering if today will be the day that my body finally says enough and I actually die. I always say “never again” and “if I make it through this, I’m done drinking”. But I always do. Why? Why can’t I stop? Who makes themself this sick over and over again and keeps coming back for more? I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. There has to be a better way. I know what I need to do, why can’t I do it?
Hi and welcome! It’s not an easy fix but it is something you can do. Most of us have been in predicaments that made us come here, and we are not any different or better than you. So stick around and read or ask questions.
Hey welcome to the community, man this was me. Coming to work having panic attacks, saying I’m never doing this again. Only to by the time I left work I magically felt better and back at it. For me it was a couple of things, not being fully honest with myself that I wanted sobriety, I kept saying I did but I didn’t really. Untill I hit rock bottom, second was fear. Not knowing what life was going to be like without alcohol anymore. It’s scary. But it’s worth it man, and holy shit I’ve done it, I’ve managed to get and stay sober and so can you. Joining this forum was the best first step you did, it’s support which is something we all need in sobriety. When you get home, drink tons of water and I mean tons, take the night easy and get a nice relaxing bath or shower in and then sit and eat some food and relax and call it a early night. Get that head on the pillow sober. A little trick, before you go to bed try praying. Even if you don’t believe just yet. Get down and pray and let god know your done and you don’t want to drink anymore. After that tomorrow will be another day. Just focus on the now tho your doing great
Thank you so much for that. I’m in tears. I hope this is the day that I stick to it finally.
We’re all here to help you! 
Hi there! I relate SO much to what you’re saying! I’m new here too. I’ve read through a lot of threads and found this one particularly helpful (so far) as a reminder of why I need to be done!! (Hopefully I’ve got the link attached right!) Just breathe, you can do it, and you’ll feel so much better tomorrow!!
Hey sweetie. Oh it’s so hard, we all know. To cross over is and have it stick is something that seems unreachable. It can be done though. We don’t drink normal so we can’t quit normal. I always say to first see your primary care physician and don’t hide anything. I don’t know how far you’re in and sometimes we need medical support. After that, make a game plan. Do you know how to get to Mulberry Street in Poduk Pennsylvannia? Neither do I. That’s why we need a map to get where we are going. If you need help starting that map, that’s what this place is for. Reach out and ask for suggestions. Then plan to get a VERY supportive group around you. Set yourself up for success. Arm yourself with lots of literature, The Big Book has been wonderful for me. You can do this and don’t be afraid to ask for help 
Hugs and I have faith that you are going to make it.
Well, here are a couple of things to think about, from Alan Carr’s book on “Stop drinking” (or words to that effect).
Firstly, try to remember that doing without alcohol is NOT DEPRIVING yourself of anything, but rather FREEING yourself from a product and an industry that have spread illness and misery and death for millennia.
Secondly, if alcohol is so great… what would happen if you drank - all in one big chug - half a litre of water, or milk, or juice, or even Coke ? Well, other than the fact that you might feel a bit bloated, pretty much nothing would happen.
But what would happen if you (tried to) chug 500 ml of PURE ALCOHOL ? Well, you would most likely die from alcohol poisoning before you got to the bottom of the glass.
Why not drink paint thinner ? Why not drink gasoline ? They would kill you too… which puts them in good company with alcohol.
Feel free to ignore anything that I have to say, but you might want to check out the book… you can download it from Amazon for about 5 American dollars, as I recall (I got it for about €5).
Hey there @Babycat. @mocatt here. Good to meet you.
How many times did I feel exactly as you describe, beating myself up because I had let it happen once again…knowing the sickness, shame, remorse, and self-hatred that would follow? I’m conservatively going to say hundreds. Each time was a little worse - until the night when I knew I would die if I didn’t stop.
Who does this? What kind of person continues this insanity? Well…an alcoholic! For me, once I accepted that I am an alcoholic who is genetically predispositioned to addiction, I was finally able to see myself with some compassion. Is it my fault that I have this disease? Absolutely not. Now that I know, is it my responsibility to manage it? Hell yes! I am an alcoholic - full stop. That knowledge is pretty freeing…I don’t have to fight against it anymore.
I didn’t know how to go an hour without thoughts of alcohol. I didn’t know how to get though the stressor of a day. I certainly didn’t know how to exist without planning my next drink. You know what? I didn’t have to know all those answers. All I had to do was decide that I will not drink today, NO MATTER WHAT.
This forum saved me several times. You will learn tools to help yourself as you go along. Until then, let us help you. Ask for help. Ask questions. Post if you are struggling. Try to keep from getting too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Eat all the ice cream. Sleep. Take a multi-vitamin. Be gentle with yourself; you have been through a lot.
The good news? You don’t have to live like this anymore - and you are no longer struggling alone. We get it. We have been there.
Stick around. Glad you are here!
It will be, if you decide to make it so.
Welcome. I am glad you found yourself here, and hope you will choose to stay.
All you need to do is say “no” to one drink. It’s not just any drink. It’s the drink that matters…the first drink. When you say “no” to this drink, you win 100%, because without the first drink, there can’t be a second, or third or eighth. But if you succumb to the “just one” temptation, you lose. They only question remaining is how badly you get beaten. Maybe it’s just the one. Maybe it’s three. Maybe it’s the DUI that kills someone, or the last straw that kills a relationship. Maybe it’s the hangover that gets you fired.
You can win every fight with this opponent by saying “no” to one drink. One-punch knockout.
Reading your post reminded me of myself just over 3 years ago.
I found the gift of desperation and things for better. I put work in to make sure it gets better.
Best wishes 
Thank you all so much. Today felt like the longest day of my life, I don’t know how I made it through. But I’m finally home and resting. Still pretty sick with an elevated heart rate, abdominal pain, kidney pain, anxiety…still convinced I’m dying, which is fabulous for panic attacks 
I really scared the crap out of myself, but it’s hardly the first or hundredth time that I have. But today was the day I reached out for help, from you wonderful people. Bc something has to change. I pray it’s not too late and I have the chance to try again. I don’t ever want to feel this way again and I don’t need to if I work hard. You are all amazing 
thank you for giving me hope.
How you getting on? I have the blurred vision dizzyness. Heart being sore. Legs like jelly. Proper proper scared of leaving the front door never mind brave it to go to a local shop for milk or go to a barber for a hair cut… Anxiety got so bad I’m now on my 18th day sober and still feel terrible. The anxiety causes blurred vision and dizzyness which in return also amplifys the anxiety. It’s a vicious circle
I’ll never forget withdrawal.
I’ll also never forget the day my counselor came and saw me. I looked and felt worse than any hangover I ever had, on top of anxiety depression and wanting to tie a noose around my neck.
He said straight up, see how you feel, look at yourself, this is the last time you ever have to feel like this ever again, the choice is yours.
1000 of times have I felt that way. Sitting around and taking my pulse believing i was going to have a heart attack. Only by the Grace of God did I make it through. I am now 25 days sober and believe God as totally helped me with this Site reading and posting daily. I pray constantly and battle back the desire and temptation every hour of the day. You must know that God and us are cheering you on.
I decided to quit drinking in June, I’d had enuf!! I walked every day, took long hot baths and meditation tapes. Many times…repeat. Dealing with drunken memories is a killer. Forgive yourself. Listen to your favorite music. We have drinking triggers…do something different for that time of urge to drink. Don’t drive by your LBS. It’s almost 7 months for me and I still have days when the urge is overwhelming. Be kind to yourself.
Ik this feeling so well. Sometimes the horrible anxiety and symptoms would pass with the hangover. Other times, and increasingly so lately, I would be a wreck for a week or more. It WILL pass. Perhaps consult with a doctor to see if they have recommendations for meds and/or therapy. Hang in there. The emotional piece of all this is brutal. I feel you.
As for me, I’m ashamed to say that after my original post, I had several more instances of drinking binges. BUT as of tomorrow I am 2 weeks sober. I’ve begun taking a multivitamin and exercising more consistently, and I feel great.
It seems getting through the first week or so, for me, is the hardest part. I’ve found that if I tell myself no, that the decision of whether or not to drink on any given night, is not up for debate-it’s a NO, that I’m better prepared. If that makes any sense. If I allow myself the choice, I will always give in. I dont let myself consider the option anymore. It’s relearning to experience things that are triggers, sober. And it’s sooo hard at first. Especially when life is stressful. I get it. I’m navigating all this through relationship problems and a tentative breakup, the holidays, the constant pain of 3 miscarriages in the past 4 years, buying starting a new job, and buying a home-that I’m living in alone for the time being. Feeling all of that without numbing it out is hard. But I’m adjusting to this new way of life. You can do it. We can do it.
Makes perfect sense! I am the same way about certain things…black or white, no grey! Drinking is one of those things!!
Its reffered to as compulsion… once your addiction is kicked into action, its almost impossible to put it down… trying to take all of the symptoms it causes… and drinking more to make them stop… which in turn causes more agonizing symptoms… the viseous cycle continues. I, myself had to be physically stopped. Went to the hospital and seeked help after the feeling of impending doom and death left me enough to make a rational decision. It was getting worse, never better and I had to come to terms with that. I was obsessed with drinking or trying not to drink. The pain is horrendous, Ive experienced it. I finally had enough of it. It sounds like you have to. Keep reading and try to slow your thoughts down… hot shower, clean comfortable clothes… hug your pillow tight. Lots of liquids… non alcohol, lol. I feel for you, because I am you… Your not alone.