So I had a really bad day today and relapsed and when I was talking to my partner she told me (and I agree) that I have very little follow through.
What I mean by this is that after I relapse I start to help myself but then just stop at step one in the process of doing so.
She suggested that along with rewarding myself when I do good I need to have consequences when I do bad or stop on my progress in recovery. I agree but have no idea what kind of consequences I could do. Like I don’t think I should be so so hard on myself but I do need some incentive to work on my recovery that isn’t just that one day I will look back on my life and be hopefully proud of myself.
Does anyone have any ideas of consequences for not keeping on track?
Personally for me, I got to a point in my addiction where I was so numb and dumb - from my addiction taking over my mind and emotions - that I felt like my life was empty.
To me, that’s the ultimate consequence. Why would I continue with this addiction that is making me empty and numb? Who lives that way?
I am still working on it but I am feeling constructive and making progress one day at a time.
For me, I think more in terms of holding myself accountable.
I hold myself accountable by doing these things daily:
I call my sponsor to check in. I leave him a voicemail with answers to my daily checkin questions.
I call friends from my recovery group in the mornings and do a “daily sobriety renewal” (a set of eight questions we ask each other to recommit for the day ahead)
I visit Talking Sober and read and share
I get enough rest (I take naps, I get enough sleep)
I let go, I don’t try to do everything or cover everything. I try to live like a tree lives: grow one leaf at a time, don’t try to be everything, and remember that most stuff is outside my control (I can’t control the weather or the sun, for example). I just trust that what I need, will come to me when I need it.
I do these things weekly:
attend at least one sobriety meeting, sometimes two or three (depends on the week)
For me the consequences are ruined relationships, ruined health, depression, anxiety, and self loathing. If your DOC is causing negativity in your lives then that could be enough of a consequence to put it down.
If I am self destructive then I fear that those things won’t. I think I will try and have a list of daily things that will help me to stay present in my life and if I miss one of these easy to do things then it will cost me a dollar or five depending on the thing and this will be money I donate at the end of the month.
If you keep relapsing you won’t have to worry about figuring out consequences, they will find you on their own. And when they do come I reckon they’ll be a lot worse than what you anticipated.
It seems as if you have a golden opportunity to make some changes before that happens.
For me it’s remembering past consequences. And no matter how bad they got, they only got worse each time they resurfaced.
Do you understand the reasons you want to stop?
It was suggested to me to write it on a note card. On one side the negatives I faced when I drank. And on the other what I hoped might happen instead if I didn’t. When I thought about having a drink, pull it out and give it a read.
No self-imposed consequences were as bad as the ones that happen on their own… Though I guess those were on me too.
Great! I wanted to see if you had another system other than rewards or punishment, and you do. You’re motivated by doing something because you know its good to do it. The quote up here is an example.
There are some for who punishment and shame based approaches, or even rewards, will never work. For this reason, build your intrinsic motivations to protect your sobriety. How? Focus on your needs, somethings basic (but difficult to do) Example: HALT - are you hungry, angry, lonely, tired)?
Other examples, build your curiosity, set goals, give yourself time.
I just wanted a better life for myself and my daughter…its very true that the consequences will find you if you were to carry on because alcoholism is a progressive illness becoming worse over time…the alcohol we see as a reward is an actual punishment on our body and mind…eventually it has the power to take away everything you hold dear and unfortunately many of us dont realise until its too late…you do have the opportunity now to see it for what it is…a drug like any other and begin real steps into recovery
Sadly the consequences will be losing relationships, losing jobs, becoming homeless, DUIs, and possibly prison time. The question is if you can stop this now before those things happen.
I have to also add that rewards for doing good should not be “things”. The rewards of sobriety are clear head, good sleep, happy relationships, work promotions etc.
I know these are not the things you wanted to hear but they are the things you NEED to hear. One of my favourite threads on here is Truth and Tough Love. You should check it out, that is where the REAL advice is.
