To me that isn’t really a thing I worry about. For me its not the regular drinking that is the issue. I can stop for long periods of time if I want to and I don’t continuously crave a drink.
What scares me is when I drink to an extent the person who I become.
I don’t know that person. I don’t like that person and I have lost a lot of things in my life because of that person.
That person is someone who is so far from who I am its scary.
I want to have the strength to never get to that stage ever again. I want to be able to say no or stop before that person comes out.
For me the best way I feel I can achieve that is to stop cold turkey until I’m back in control. I need to have the strength to know my limit and not try keep up with everyone else. My goal is to be the person who can go out and enjoy themselves sober with everyone else drinking but not feel the need to join in.
My goal is to not have alcohol influence my behavior or who I am. And I never want to hurt anyone because of who I become ever again.
Thank you and congratulations!!
I definitely think just cutting it out completely is the best way to go. I dont want to lose the good things in life anymore. The people the relationship and friendships aren’t worth 1 night out!!
Oh my, I hear you!! I was sometimes a daily drinker sometimes not over the decades I drank. I could go a couple of weeks with maybe just a drink or two and then boom 4 bottles of wine later or a handle of vodka or whatever. And yes, I became a person I hated. Why did I keep doing that to myself?
So yes, you are not alone in being confused and wondering where to go next.
For myself, I spent (wasted really) many years trying to control or moderate my drinking. I wanted to keep alcohol in my life because that is the way we are socialized…that it is a normal part of life and we should be able to drink normally once we figure out what works for us. Haha, joke is on us!! Seriously, once I let go of that fantasy of drinking adding something to my life, I felt less pressured to keep pouring that crap down my throat. I was so scared of life without drinking, so stuck in an endless loop of regret and shame.
Toss those chains aside. Examine why you want to keep doing something that is sucking the life out of you. I don’t know your age, but 60 is right around the corner for me and man, I am so so grateful to be sober now. Life is bigger and I actually like and respect myself again. That is priceless.
Focus on right now, being sober right now. And read some threads on here, so much knowledge and experience.
Welcome to this awesome forum Emma. These people here have helped me tremendously and I’m sure you’ll have the same experience. Spend some time reading other’s stories and you’ll find some you can relate with. Join us on the daily check in thread, it’s a great form of accountability. Here’s the link: Checking in daily to maintain focus #15
Honestly, I relate to this 100 percent. It’s the mirror image of what I’m stuggling with too. You’re not alone in this. I’m also on my 3rd day. It’s nice to find someone I can relate too. Stay strong and reach out.
Maybe we can help each other stay on track since we seem to be stifling with a very similar issue with alcohol. Happy you are here.
Very similar to me. Although I am at a stage now where those black outs and hangovers turned into hospital trips and waking up in a bed other than my own. Not fun, not safe and certainly not the cool and collected person I would be without drink. I went through months of cutting down or having a few weeks off before realising I will again, in time, slip back into another crazy binge and get totally off my face. It slowly happens, few casual drinks after work, occassionally solo drunken antics home alone, hidden hangovers…this all leads up to a horrifying night out usually where I totally blank what happened until somebody tells me and unleashes a new level of humiliation and anxiety.
It is not worth it by a long stretch. Just started reading a book by Catherine Grey, Unexpected Joy of Being Sober which is helping me too. Maybe do some reading and find what you actually want, or who you want to be. Alcohol can’t be controlled, one or 2 drinks is all it takes for people to become different, regardless of what that means to each individual. Even people who dont have problems with alcohol kid themselves when they say that can “control” it. How can you control something that affects your brain? Not everybody reacts so severely or badly but they are still not in control.
This is my own opinion though, I think we all have to come to our own conclusion in order to push forward to be a better person.
I remember the time before this attempt to sobriety, I told myself that I’m only going to drink only on the weekends. Then I can still drink and I’ll control it. I’ll be fine during the week and have my drinks when I want. The problem was that it was controlling me, not the other way around.
Once again @SassyRocks another incredible heartfelt share. Thank you for your soul searching perspective and for being the person that you have become, a blessing to us all.
Hey!! Congrats on making it to your 3rd day!! Yes I completely agree let’s support each other as it seems as though we have similar stories xx
Reach out whenever you need
I completely understand that! I was hoping that I would still be able to go out once in a blue moon to have a glass of wine at dinner but after reading everyone’s response im even too scared to think that anymore. So sober living seems the safest option
If I read your comments, you want to learn how to be a moderate drinker. If I have misread your comments, I apologize. If my reading is correct, I will say that the collective experience of those here will argue that the odds of learning to moderate are extremely low. On the contrary, the collective experience shows that attempting to moderate is just the first step toward relapse.
This has been my experience too. I could quit for a week, sometimes even a month. All it took was “just one” and soon enough I was right back to drunk every night, passed out by 10pm.
I am married to a normal drinker. Her parents, who also live with us, are normal drinkers. A small glass of wine, once or twice a week. I can count on one hand the number of times my wife has been drunk, in the 22 years we’ve been together.
This is why I advocate for total abstinence, for those of us who abuse alcohol. Say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink. If you do, there can’t be a second or third or eighth. No need to try to moderate. No chance to fail at moderation. You win, 100%.
Seriously, once I let go of that fantasy of drinking adding something to my life, I felt less pressured to keep pouring that crap down my throat. I was so scared of life without drinking, so stuck in an endless loop of regret and shame.