I drank last night at my friends Mums wedding. I made the decision to, I didn’t feel pressured to. I don’t know why but I don’t know how to feel. I don’t want to start from day 0 because this was a once off special occasion. I didn’t lose control or over do it. Im actually proud of myself in a sense. I paced myself and just enjoyed the wedding.
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Everyday offers us the same opportunity to drink or not.
I am choosing not to drink today. I hope you choose the same.
Whether you reset your counter or not is up to you.
Just be very vigilant on your decision to drink last night being only for a special occassion. In my experiences with drinking on a special ocassion I never stopped after that special occassion.
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May I ask… why did you feel the need to drink at the wedding? What was the benefit of drinking at the wedding?
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This was exactly my thinking last month. I did not restart my time three different times because I did not “get drunk” now I’m 18 days out of my last 4 day bender. It’s a slippery slope. Your sober time and how your count it is your business. I’m more proud of the one day I have completely AF than the 10 days I may have with drinks sprinkled in between because I can always count on that binge to follow soon, every damn time.
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I thought after some time sober I could just drink occasionally, responsibly, but it didn’t last long and I was back to my old habits. Binge drinking during the week, blackout drunk sessions etc.
18 days sober, because Labor day when I drank last I threw up black and was blackout drunk by my 6 or 7th beer, Reverse Tolerance- where liver damage cause you to get drunk easily. Since I’ve had 4 medical appointments and it’s cost me loads of money to see doctors. Just my experience with casual, occasional drinking.
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I think it’s important for me to remember daily-- there is no alcoholwasm, only alcoholism. Glad your still here and sharing.
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Honestly it makes me less of a miserable shit while everyone else enjoys themselves
I can justify every drink I’ve ever had but there comes a point where you have to get honest with yourself, am I a drinker or not. If you can control it for the rest of your life then good luck to you but I’m asking myself why you found this community in the first place and I’m guessing your drinking career wasn’t as much fun as you wanted it to be. None of us wanted to reset and all of us have, it’s accountability for our actions. Ultimately its your life and your choice but listen to your heart and not your head, very often our heart tells us a different story and it’s usually the truth.
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Your post:
Your words:
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My sponsor had me write out my first step. He keeps a copy of it in case I ever decide that I wasn’t that bad.
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Excellent Alliecat.
To us alcoholics, alcohol is the whispering demon in our ear telling us lies. There are false promises and unrealistic fantasies that the demon tries to allure us with. Oh and that demon has a wicked tongue. In the end, it’s always a fool’s paradise. We are all at different places in our journey and here to help each other. But at the end of the day we all have to learn on our own terms. Big hugs and good luck with moderation.
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Tay
I would not and can not judge the thoughts that you are having. I have had them too. I was sober for about 6 months last time then I drank to calm my nerves before a date because my anxiety was ridiculous. I had I great time and resumed my program then a few weeks passed and I was having a bad day so I got a bottle. Next I was at work and last I remember I was doing paperwork in the office and blacked out lost my job got kicked out of my sober house and was on a Bing from December to August 17.
My physical allergy and mental obsession will not let me drink sometimes. There is no such thing as moderation. I am a alcoholic and I will be forever but I do not have to choose to drink. I am blessed to have these 24 hours without a drink. But that is not the end I have so much to work on with myself. I do this with help from my peers and the God of my understanding.
I want peace for myself and pray that you have that too Tay.
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@Tay1 your answer to not feeling like a " miserable shit" is not in a bottle although you may have briefly felt that way last night. Drinking is not the solution. You posted lots of Life things you did not want to sacrifice because of your drinking… all of those are valid.
Here on this site there are many people who did lose all of those things, some even who lost their life.
Quote from you " I don’t know when to stop and have no control over stopping once I start. I could lose my life partner. I could lose my job. I could lose my home. I could lose people I love. I could lose my license. I could lose my car. I could hurt somebody. I could kill somebody. I could kill myself. I could lose my dog and cat. I could lose myself.
It’s just not worth it." Unquote from you
Get help for feeling like a “miserable shit”.
Learn to embrace life and yourself and look for the true joys. Lots of good words here for you. I hope you will accept them with an open heart and an open mind. Support for you the sober person will be helpful for you. Support that does not make you feel left out if you are not drinking.
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What happens at the next special occasion? What happens when Friday night becomes a special occasion? I’ve been on that slippery slope before, and I’ll tell you, it’s a dangerous game to play because there’s only one way you can go, and that’s down. Hopefully you don’t have to find out the hard way like many of us have. Wish you well.
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If drinking at that wedding was the only thing that would take away feeling like a miserable shit, then I wouldn’t have gone to the wedding. I’ve gotten to the point where I know alcohol will not make anything more enjoyable. If I get jittery about that, I’ll avoid those situations. Period.
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Why y’all pressed though. I just feel attacked lol. Thank you everyone.
I feel ya… Just did tonight. 70 something days gone…3 beers and a shot. Same circumstances, my choice. It felt weird. Not the same good feeling as in the past and a much stronger buzz if that makes any sense.
I love language. Wasm/ism…why have I never thought of that. Splendid. Thanks Smitty
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One big help that has enabled me to get to 17 days is the audio version of Alcohol Explained by William Porter on audible. No, I’m not his rep, mate or brother! But I recommend any and every one, wanting or needing to not drink any more, buy and listen to it. It blows all the nonsense about alcohol we’ve told ourselves to pieces. It clearly, in an easy to understand and concise way, explains how alcohol works physically, subconsciously, emotionally etc. It helps us see, very clearly, why we have become “addicted”. It helps us understand the alcohols “power” in our lives is our power that we granted it…our power for us to take back.
If anyone has given up smoking using Allen Carr’s “Easy Way”…in my opinion William’s Alcohol Explained book is much the alcohol version of that.
I listened alone, without distraction, using my headphones. When I got to the end of the book, I KNEW I was done with alcohol and KNEW I would never drink again.
Yes, there is absolutely a large element of brainwashing going on with the book. Lots of repetition, clever and extremely effective use of powerful language…poison, toxin, carcegenic, pathetic little drug…
For me, its played a very large part. I’m not giving William all the credit. I wanted to stop, I have the shame and disgust of the trail of devastation my drinking has left motivating me, some of my family have been really supportive and aa has played a part. But yes, Williams book is 4sure 1 of the factors for me that will make this time I quit, the last time I quit. Finally!
If you do do the books, he addresses very clearly and sensibly social stuff - weddings etc. It’s essentially playing it through in your head a few times BEFORE you go. Decide what youre drinking, what you’re saying when trays come round etc
I agree with all the above comments…slippery slope, what about the 2nd time…
If you got to the point with alcohol where you needed to change…then change!
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