If I would have not fallen off the wagon as hard as I did I would be 70days clean…but I only made it to 22days. I was proud of that at first but I havent gotten back on the wagon yet. Feel like if I start day 1 again my chances keep getting slimmer and slimmer. My bf uses too, He is actually a big reason I cant get sober because everytime he has quit with me its him that suggests or asks if we should get or not. Hes not doing it maliciously but he doesnt see how easy it is for me to give in. This feeling is so intense I cant even write how Im feeling, its like Im paralyzed. Which I knw has everything to do with my mental health, Ive been diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, sever anxiety and depression. The only time Im good is either when Im high(obviously) or when Im at work which lets face it Im high at work most often, Im very capable of functioning and no one is the wiser, dont get me wrong Im not proud of this at all. I have so much guilt because of the lie and who Im lieing to. I used to be alot stronger than this, Im not who I was a yr ago and I cant go back to her I wont, but this person I am right now I cant grab ahold of her
Your sobriety has to be yours and yours alone, you can’t count on another active addict to help you. Sometimes in protecting sobriety relationships end but there are plenty of people here who have SO’s that still use/ drink. I suggest NA, what do you have to lose? You can do this if you put the work in… you are worth it. I wish you the best.
I dont rely on him to keep me sober, but I do trust him when he says “yes we need to ditch this shit and get back to better versions of ourselves” and then wether its 3days 5days or 20days he wants to go and pick up. He has been in his own psychosis for along time. Thinks he functions better and sees things/people more clear when he uses. He also suffers from a few different mental health issues but wont talk to anyone but me. I mean his problems go way way back to like 9years old. He is so smart, hes worked the most amazing jobs and he wants to get back to that but he has transformed his whole being and is stuck. I wish I could help him but i cant even steer myself down the right path and stay there. Im sorry, that turned into a rant
He sounds like a good person with problems like the rest of us. The truth is with addiction we can only save ourselves, we can’t put the work in for anyone else. You gotta focus on you, but that is just the opinion of one recovering alcoholic. I truly do wish you and your boyfriend the best.
Do whats best for you, maybe try NA might be able to help?
Thank you for this, Ive actually had some very good feed back today. Very happy I have this place
Our days are filled with a million thoughts and feelings and everyone of them invariably leads us to picking up. Here’s the basics, I promise you if you do the opposites on the right hand side you will live a very different life, it’s progress not perfection.
That is tough. I would have a real chat with your BF and tell him that you seriously want to get clean and never use again. That means no “should we” mentality or discussion. The answer is a default no.
It may be time to take a break.
You wont feel any control until u can get some control over urself. Being BPD and trying to hold a relationship is just gonna keep the merry go round spinning until u get off the ride. You cant save him but u can save yourself. You do have control and more then you think you do. Sometimes it takes a blind leap to even find the better version of us. Even if u dont feel u can find someone better . You will if you take the journey alone and be the best version of you that u can be. Even if ur alone you still will have a better version of yourself. This will only surround u with better people as well. We are a product of our environment. Sticking around him not changing his ways and justifying using will only enable u to do the same.
Something that could help is writing down all the reasons why you want to quit and why it is important to you. Then write down the actions you will take in order to get clean. After that, write down what you need from your boyfriend. Be very specific and try to keep the list as short as possible.
Try not to be vague. Don’t write “I need your support”. That could mean anything. What specifically do you need him to do to support you? “I need you to not talk about getting high around me.” or “I need you to not suggest or ask if we should get drugs.” Maybe even add why these things are helpful for you.
You can’t control if he gets high, but you can ask him not to do these things that make getting clean a problem for you. You can let him know that this is how he can support you. If you need emotional support, try to be specific in how he can do this.
Make a nice clean copy of whatever you write on a paper for him and give it to him and have a conversation about it. If he does the things you ask, make sure you show him that you notice he is doing these things. Find out what actions or phrases are what he needs in order to feel appreciated and do/say those things. This will help him know/feel like he is successful.
Maybe even keep all of this on a paper where you both can see it every day. It can help you both remember what your goals are, why they’re important, and how you plan to get there.
I can’t guarantee this will work, and maybe it’s not right for your situation, but it’s worth a try if you think it will be useful.
You can do this. I wish you both the best.
Most likely people notice, they might not know exactly what it is, but I’m sure they can tell something is off.
If you live with your boyfriend, would you consider finding a new place to live?
You are both addicted to an addictive substance.
From what you’ve written it sounds like you’ve had conversations with each other about quitting and improving your lives for the better, but then at some point along the path your are enabling each other to use again, he is using you as the enabler, and you are clearly using him. It is your personal choice to say no.
I think you need to work on yourself, your own path, your own choice to say no… If that means getting space from him, then do it. Once you have your own sobriety maybe he will have strength to follow his own path also.
Thank you so much, im definetly going to put it all on paper, as normally Im no good at asking for help or knowing how to. I appreciate your ideas.
He lives with me sorry, he literally has nowhere or no one to go to
Although we are ultimately responsible for our own actions, I know how difficult it is to resist when it’s pushed on you. The other problem that can occur with a couple who are both addicts is that you start blaming each other for doing it as a way of avoiding taking responsibility for your actions. Without responsibility, you are more likely to keep using…it just makes it so much harder than it already is because when one gets stronger, the other might fall …if you have the opportunity, I would strongly suggest breaking free of each other, even if it’s just temporary until you are both stronger…but I appreciate that nothing is ever that simple…
You are very right, Ive found myself thinking about this a few times now. Its alittle more difficult then how it seems…but you are right. Just not sure how yet. Plus side im 4 days free of meth
Easily irritated, hopefully it doesnt last all day
Maybe you can try a NA meeting it might help to hear what other addicts have to say about irritability. For me it was always about wanting a quick fix for my problems that lead me to drug use but i know now that somethings just take time but eventually they do pass.