Today is my 1 freakin year clean from all mind altering substances!! I am SO excited!! I will apologize for the extra long post, but I am feeling so full of love and light today that I wanted to share a bit!
Sooo much has changed in my life. Sooo many things have happened that I am beyond grateful for. But I never want to forget what it was like over my 22 years of drug use bcuz it reminds me, not only of how truly bad it can get, but also how far i have come.
I wanted to share a bit of my story to show just another example of how recovery is possible. From me being the chronic relapser that I was, to now being completely free, has been an incredible journey. One that I could have never done without my HP (God) and my supports such as TS.
Even though I began using drugs at 15, I will begin from this before pic from 2013 (at age 27), which was probably me at my very worst. I was shooting up opiods & using other hard drugs on a daily basis. A completely lost and hollow human being. I sold a little piece of my soul every single time I turned a trick for survival or to support my addiction. I attempted to get clean (one of many attempts) shortly after this pic was taken, and I was clean for maybe 1.5 weeks before relapsing. That relapse nearly killed me. I am thankful that God decided it wasn’t my time yet. My “friend” who I was using with that day helped me. I can’t even begin to describe how i felt back then. And then dealing with toxicity and abuse from my ex bf and trauma from many of the men I saw for money… it was truly horrific. But I never gave up hope for a better life bcuz i KNEW that there had to be more to life than that.
Looking back, I can see where God had been watching over me. Even though I initially struggled with the concept of God, I knew there was something out there. A little while after my overdose, I tried the geographical cure in 2014. Unfortunately, due to having money issues, I was on the verge of setting up my “clientele” here in the province I live in now. But God had other plans for me. I ended up meeting my husband instead and moved in with him within a week of meeting him. Even though we used drugs right from the beginning, I am proud to say that we are both celebrating this milestone today. We used our DOC on n off during the majority of our relationship, but God once again intervened in 2016 when our son was born. I had a healthy pregnancy and was able to stay clean and sober for it all. But awhile after he was born, we relapsed. Thankfully, my son has always had what he needed and has never had to witness us in the act of using, but I certainly wasn’t the best mom I could’ve been thats for sure. Through my sons cancer diagnosis at age 2, I suffered with a lot of emotional pain for my son. Even tho I rarely showed it, I was deeply angry and hurt. But in Feb 2022, enough was enough!! I had hit another rock bottom, this time a mental one. I felt like my time was coming. I was mentally not well, and I was SOO tired of being addicted. I felt hopeless, I felt alone, I felt completely done. And I remember thinking of my son and how i much he needed me and with God’s help, I started saying no to using. This was God’s hand at work bcuz I never turned down an opportunity to use prior to that. The strength God gave me from that moment on is something I could’ve never had on my own.
I put in the work. I put just as much effort into my recovery (if not more), as I did to get high (and quite frankly that was alot lol). I challenge my thinking on a daily basis, I stayed connected to TS and to God, I have a daily recovery routine bcuz I know that work needs to be done for my recovery on a daily basis. I do my best to be of service to others… to share my experience, strength, and hope like I’m doing now. I get up and show up for my life, even on the days I don’t feel up to it. Consistency is key for me and my recovery today.
After 22 years of using, struggling to “get” this recovery thing, what I was missing all along was a relationship with a HP. God has made all things possible for me. Everything in my life today is thanks to God. Some say that there is no proof of Him, but when looking back at my life, I can see the proof. I am here today. Happy, joyous and free!! Thank you TS!!
Your hard work, tenacity and belief system serve you so well. You have so much to be incredibly proud of and so much to continue teaching us all. Personally, your shares have touched me deeply and reminded me many times of a part of me I work hard to heal and love. You are brave and strong and light the way. 
I am so beyond proud of you and the strength, wisdom, and insight you shown each day. Your posts read like a best seller and I for one turn each chapter with cheers and with tears for you. Congratulations to you and your husband and to your darling son for holding each other up. You are smart, beautiful, strong, courageous and an inspiration. Celebrating you from the Bay Area!
