I relapsed again and this time I don't know how to stop

I can always let off steam to us here too Gaz

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22 days and I slipped. I could feel it coming almost, the days leading up to it. I just knew it was going to happen and I’d drink.

I think it’s something I’ve subconsciously developed where I get so far or reach a milestone and it’s just like a compulsion I have to. I’ve snuck a naggin (small bottle) of vodka into my house and I’m just about to finish it. But the guilt this time has hit me before I’ve even finished the bottle.

I have a counselling session tomorrow morning and I’ll make sure I’ll get to that. I’ve cancelled my cards with my bank and said they are stolen so I won’t be able to get any money for the next few days

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Oh Gaz…must you have the rest of the vodka? To me relapses are part of ongoing active addiction not recovery…next time you feel like your gonna crack take some action to stop it like maybe coming here and talking it out? Im not judging because ive been there myself im just trying to point u in the right direction. Hugs Gaz :people_hugging:

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The vodka is gone, bottle is gone, everything is gone. Cancelled my cards with the bank just had that slip. This time I do have the supports I put in place though. I have my counselling tomorrow and just have to start from day 1 again.

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We are here for u too anytime your struggling…use us! Lol. Hope counselling goes well tomorrow :pray:

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That’s mindset. That’s what got to change friend. You make it sound like it’s something out of your own control and it is not. And I know how it feels and I know how it works. And we all were like that. There has to be true change of heart before you or anybody is able to stop and stay sober. The pattern has to be broken. The mindset has to change. We have really to be done with drinking or we can’t stop. You can do this. Wishing you all success. We’re here.

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Point blank. We have all been where you are. It is not easy. When you truly want to quit and you’re done with the relapsing. Go to a meeting. That little fuc*ing voice in your head, that makes you relapse goes away for good. It gets easier. It’s hard at first very hard… But you have to want to quit. Truly want to quit, be honest with yourself. Taking each day at a time hour by hour going to meeting talking with sober people. No one can force a grown up to stay sober. You would just walk to the store because the feeling in your body hurts to much to deal with. This app and your mom cant hold you accountable. Doing the steps can. We can only be supportive and give you positive feedback. Your mom loves you. You are here so we care for you. Get your a** to a meeting.

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I am back on day none again. Admittedly wasn’t as bad relapsing this time but none the less it was a relapse. I’m seriously considering taking up an offer of residential treatment if it is still available. Today I just have to suffer with the results of actions and start from scratch again.

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3 frogs are sitting on a log. One decides to jump in. How many frogs are sitting on the log now?

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Got my first 24 hours underneath me and it’s the evening time and I’m just taking time to process that I’ve done this again and can so it again.

I know I have a lot of mental health issues going on too which is probably the source of the most of my issues. Alcohol always being the easy option and never the right one. The cravings are back which is not normally what I get at the end of the first 24hours. My head feels a bit clearer this time. I’m awaiting to get prescribed medication for my ADHD but because of the damage I’ve done to my liver my GP and Psychiatrist are weary the further damage the medication could do.

Tomorrow will be a new day, the weather is supposed to be nice again so I’m going to force myself to get up early and out into working in the garden. Not working the last couple of weeks has taken its toll too as I find it hard to keep occupied but also know mentally I’m not fit to work.

I will keep checking in and wish everyone the best

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It’s currently 12.34pm into day 2 again. I got about 3 hours sleep which I put down to not drinking mixed with how huumid it was and how I’m Irish and cannot stand any heat at night lol

I got up early, got my dole, did some things around the town and came back home had a smoothie and cut the grass in the garden and I’m feeling pretty good today but the weather is nice and I’m making the most of it while it’s here.

I have also made the decision to place most of my money in hard to reach places and just to budget for what I generally need during the week. I am a nicotine addict but I did switch from rolling tobacco to vaping. Jury still out on whether it’s any worse or not I guess but I do enjoy it.

I also still have the brain fog while also trying to think of things and putting plans in place it’s just so hard to really keep track of anyone thing. My mood is good though so that’s definitely my positive take for today. I’ve also started reading back over a lot of my own posts and really taking in each time I read how I want to be sober and reinforcing that feeling that if I manage just another day I’ll be happier.

Bit of an open ramble I guess but it’s just how my mind is a bit today lol bit airy fairy as they say. Hope everyone is having a good day/evening wherever you are in the world.

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I have a good friend that lives in Ireland that has a lot of similarities to you. He doesn’t post anymore but comes to our zooms on most Saturdays. If you would like to join us this weekend, I can make sure he’s there too. Every bit of support could help :heart:

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Wanting to be sober is not really the question is it? Of course you want it. The question is what you are willing to do to get sober. Rather than read your old posts go back and read the replies from other people on this forum who have given you lots of suggestions on how to get sober. How many of the suggestions have you followed? How many are you willing to follow?

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Day 3 and thankfully it has been an okay day, kept busy as best I could, did some reading and watched some self help videos on addiction.

I also made the most of the good weather and got some more work in the garden done too.

Just a short and sweet check in today. Hope everyone is doing good today

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Have you considered going to any SMART meetings? It’s like AA but more focused on personal accountability - a lot of people who are perhaps less religious or less spiritual therefore really find it beneficial

Just an idea, you will find face to face meets near you but there are multiple online meetings every day which you can join. You don’t have to contribute either if you don’t want to at first - you can just observe and switch your camera off. Whatever you feel comfortable doing

Just an idea of further support and hearing others stories and challenges - it’s free of course as well

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Checking in on Day 6! Hope everyone has been doing well and made it through the week safely.

Day 6 and feeling good, I’ve been making more progress on pushing for appointments with various different places and things are moving l, slowly but still moving forward.

I decided last weekend that this week I was going to do a 7 day smoothie and soup diet while loading up on vitamins and supplements and forcing myself to get up and be active as much as possible and I am glad I did because it seems to have given me a nice little boost in natural energy and I have been sleeping which is something I have always struggled with!

Also when I am sober I have an awful bad sweet tooth and normally make my way through bags of Haribo and by replacing that with fruit I haven’t had the sugar cravings or the cravings to constantly eat!

Hope everyone has a good weekend

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Day 10 and today is another day I am grateful for being sober. I’ve just come back in from a counselling session, it’s my 3rd session in and today I felt we got to some issues deep down I hadn’t even realised I was still holding on to or running away from dealing with.

I’ve been writing, like physically into a journal, nothing too deep but just when I have a thought or feeling and just write away. I’m finding it nice to use a pen again instead of just typing, feels like you have to work more in a weird way.

I hope everyone has been doing good and we all get through another day safely

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Well done Gaz!!

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Journaling every day, using some questions from an AA step study guide as a starting point, was hugely important to my sobriety. I could be honest with myself on paper, and that helped me to be honest with others.

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Theres something about getting whats in your head out and on to actual paper i think…im a list writer myself…i say i have a messy head so whatever i can do to help focus that is good and my lists do that for me, double figures Gaz im proud of you man :clap:

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