My name is Alex,
I’m 27 years old and recently I dawned on me that I have been an alcoholic for 5 years. It certainly runs on my family, quite a few people have died because of alcoholism and the effects it has on the body. My mother and my sisters all drink regularly and heavily…so I guess I never saw it as an issue that I did the same. We frequently joked about our drinking and planned all family events around it. In fact I planned my entire life around drinking. Go to the grocery store by 9am so I could be home and drinking by 10am…that kind of thing. I didn’t go anywhere or do anything that would get in the way of me and my beer.
I had my dream job as a GM for a gym for about a year. I worked my butt off for the position, sacrificed everything. I worked 14 hour days, 6 days days a week on average. And somehow would manage to kill an 18 pack every night. On my days off I’d finish a 30 rack. But again I never saw it as in issue. And that was my defense when anyone ever questioned my drinking…screw it, I’ve got a full time job making damn good money, I work my butt off…this is normal and I deserve it. My mom would joke about us all being “functioning alcoholics”. And that was all I knew, so it was okay.
Recently my bf and i split up for a couple months after I lost my dream job, I quit bc of stress and my addiction was more important. I stayed at my moms house during that time and we drank, and it still seemed normal. Then my bf and i got back together, he told me about the way he felt bc of my drinking and that he had to plan his day around how much beer I bought, knowing I’d drink it all. I still continued on normally for a few weeks.
Anyway, this past Monday I got home around 6 and had an unopened 18 pack, by the time I got to number 15 at 1am I realized I hated myself. I don’t know what happened…a switch flipped and i decided that I was done. I had 17 beers that night and left 1 in the fridge. …it’s now friday and it’s still there. I’m on day 4 of sobriety.
I feel like a disaster, I haven’t left the house…I’ve barely left my bed. It’s weird, I almost feel like I’m drunk. My body feels all screwed up…my head is a cloud. My speech isn’t even normal all the time.
But every hour that passes I’m excited to hit the next one…sober! I don’t even know who I am sober anymore, I can’t remember that person. I’m definately nervous but i know I’m doing my best. I don’t want to fail.
I’ve never refered to myself as an alcoholic before…
We’ve all been through it @Alex2.
And that doesn’t mean I’m trying to cheapen how shit you feel at the moment. Far from it.
But you’ve jumped some of the biggest hurdles already.
You’ve come to terms with having a serious problem, still coming to terms a bit about being an alcoholic - but nearly there, and got through days 1 and 3. And you’re on your way to the next massive one, a week.
Just keep focused, don’t listen to that crazy voice telling you all manner of crap about you can probably handle it now, it’s the weekend, just a couple and do anything you can to keep sober! Even go to bed for the weekend if necessary. Gym, swimming, reading, TV, running, walking, eating, anything.
Keep coming back here everytime you doubt your sanity - there are some fantastic people here who will help and inspire you!
Thank you so much! Really needed to hear that!!
You’ve been ‘programmed’ to think drinking’s fine all your life, reinforced by your family and then by a solid 5 years of caning the booze - it’s a monumental leap you’re making.
But it is worth it - there will come a day, relatively soon, when you look back on the last 5 years and think ‘what the hell was that all about!’
@Alex2 it really does get better! Your body is just going through the withdrawal of the alcohol and it does make you realise how much pressure we put our bodies under unnecessarily. We basically poison ourselves when we drink.
You will start to feel clean and you won’t want to mess up the fresh feeling that you have achieved.
I had some good days and bad at the start but I am now 74 days sober and I love it still scares the chap out of me sometimes though but just plodding along but no chest pains and sleep is so much better lost weight and just generally feel alive. Wake up appreciating everyday not dreading them.
I am sober and I love it!
Also big advocate of the self help books the naked mind is literally mind blowing.
Never have that first drink it’s not worth it!
Good luck and keep that last beer in the fridge undrunk xxx
Welcome. I really cant add too much, you have started a rewarding albeit challenging process. There are tons of people here to support you whenever you need it. Be proud of the accomplishments you have so far, they are nothing to sneeze at.
I’m on day 5 and today is the day that I finally started to feel “normal”. My brain has been foggy all week long to where I was actually wondering if I had done permanent damage after my weekend binge. Stay strong @Alex2 we are all here for support and more or less have the same story.
Oh awesome! Something to look forward to! My brain feels like a cloud and I’m dying for some clarity.
For sure! My brain was so foggy and my vision was kind of weird too. I couldn’t really sleep either at night until last night finally. Water and greens help. Greens like dark lettuce and broccoli are really good at cleansing your liver.
Hi @Alex2 and welcome to the forum! The good news is you’re young and have a whole sober life ahead of you! The first few days and weeks can be very difficult, stay strong and get as much support/info as you can - This app/forum, reading/education, AA or other meetings, maybe an outpatient program, etc. Some useful links are found here:
Also you can personalize your profile:
See you around!
Thank you all! Half way through day 5! Can’t wait to hit the 1 week mark! Today seems just as hard as day 1 for some reason, I woke up wanting a beer immediately and I’m barely sleeping. But I know it’s only getting easier the longer I go!!
I woke up wanting a beer every day of my life since I was 19. It has been even worse since! We have all been through withdrawals, I recently have been through them myself. I have fallen off the wagon many times, and I still don’t sleep, but if you keep with it, you will succeed! You are past the hard times, just keep going!
Nice! I feel it helps members connect more.
Hey @KSAPP ! Thank you for checking in, I so appreciate it! Yes I am doing much better! 1 week sober!!! So excited, I never imagined I’d make it…I’m so proud of myself!
I posted earlier, today was a great day. For the first time all week I did my hair and make up, took a walk, and I got a new job! I’m so excited to make a new life in my new sober life!!
Holy woman! That’s great and I’m so stoked for you! Thats exactly how I was last week too. Took about three days for me to even do anything other than drag myself into the shower ha ha
@Alex2 - congratulations on the new job! That is always a major thing and a great motivator to stay sober. But be careful - jobs can also be an environment for triggers - as you probably know. Have a plan and strategy to deal with them. I probably lost my last job because of drinking.