Yeah. He bugs me so frakka lakkin much. I literally cannot stand his class. I leave at least once per class, normally twice.
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You donāt NEED to cut, you want to cut because you know what youāll get from it.
Take the hard road, there is no easy way to the top. This I know from lots of experience.
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Hey, youāre not worthless. Youāve got loads of skills, you do interesting things and youāre working hard to get something good going in future. I know youāve also got a really great toolbox to use in times like this, I hope you found the right thing to get you through.
Itās ok to need support, we all do! Good for you for reaching out.
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Youāre right. I didnāt do it. Still kinda wish I had, but also at the same time, I know itās not good.
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Thank you. Im not good at seeing all that stuff, so thanks. Itās been years of me getting yelled at for tiny things and walking on eggshells all the time, so I have this mindset of me being worthless and everyone else being better than me. Which, at times like rn, I know isnāt true. But itās part of the depression and self hate thing.
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You donāt have to read this, fyi. Is long and boring. If you decide to read it, good luck, lol.
Also, Iām working on losing weight in a healthy way. So like at least at first, Iām gonna eat as much as I want, but only eat like whole foods and simple foods. Then after that, I can think about calories or whatever. But Iām just trying to eat better food, which I think will make me feel better physically.
I just need to be really careful to actually eat.
I also need to cut myself some slack cause if I start to be like āeh, I donāt want lettuce, I just wonāt eatā, I need to let myself eat some junky food to make myself eat. So I need to learn to be more kind and understanding with myself.
Anyhoo, sorry for the rant, but I just really want this to work, and I have high hopes. And this is the first time Iām not counting calories. So I think itāll be less likely to make me not eat. Weāll see. Iāmma try and keep posting on here. I just have to be super vigilant about eating issues.
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Yes to eating whole foods and 
yes to being kinder to yourself!
The key to losing weight sustainably is to find food you like and will stick with. Not eating doesnāt work in the long run cos you just end up hungry and then bingeing (often on super unhealthy things) - thatās what happens to me anyway! I feel better than I ever have now that I base my diet around fruit and veg, and doing more exercise - yoga and walking which are things that make me feel good. I eat junky food when I feel like it but overall I donāt feel like it, cos healthy food makes me feel better! Thatās the most important thing about it, weight is a good guide to your general health but how you feel is far more important than how you look, donāt forget that!
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Lol yeahš
Yeah, exactly. I have found that I love celery and carrots. Yeah, exactly. Plus, if you donāt eat, you donāt have enough energy to exercise or stay awake enough(at least for me). Oh cool! Thatās basically how I wanna try to eat. Omg same! After eating junky food, Iāve been feeling like heavy and they donāt energised me the way that real food does. Thanksš. Yeah, feeling good and staying healthy is more important than being tiny.
Hey yāall. So I was reminded about self harm existing today cause of a girl in my support group having relapsed. And Iām so proud of how long itās been but at the same time, thereās this like just need for it. Not like a need need, but like idk how to explain it. Itās like I donāt feel right without it. And itās really hard. It helped me so much, but I know itās not a healthy coping skills, but still. I miss it. Itās hard.
My favourite veg is tomatoes (or are they technically a fruit? 
). You canāt beat a good tomato IMO, especially in Summer when theyāre in season, they can be so sweet.
Beans and pulses (lentils, chickpeas etc) are also really good for you. As are nuts. If youāre eating wheat based stuff wholemeal is definitely better. But sometimes a bit of crusty white bread and butter is good for the soul 
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How long has it been? Hopefully it gets easier over time and you adjust to life without it as you find more ways of coping
Well the good thing is youāre not stuffing it down, you sharing it here, thatās a healthy response. Iām just wondering, how seriously do your parents take you when youāre expressing yourself in this way? Do you feel that they truly understand what it is youāre expressing? I would encourage you, and this will probably be uncomfortable but I feel it will be necessary in the long run for your well-being, to force them to sit down with you and paws and truly listen to you. And for you to emphasize, perhaps even dramatically, what their reactions to you expressing your needs are doing to you emotionally. I have found over the years my recovery that sometimes I think Iām expressing myself and Iām really just kind of going at it half-heartedly, cuz itās uncomfortable quite frankly. But when I recognize the signs that I was going down some negative dark rabbit hole, thatās when I would emphasize clearly and pointedly what it was I needed from whoever I was dealing with at the time. I donāt know if Iām making sense to you but. I guess what Iām saying is force them to sit down with no distractions and to be quiet while you honestly and as bravely as you can express what it is you need from them.
I love tomatoes, but they give me reflux. So I rarely eat them.
I donāt really like beans, but any time I use ground beef, I use at least 1/3 beans. I donāt eat bread or anything like that really. Also, Iām gonna try some nuts cause I remember some taste like soap to me, but I donāt remember which.
Itās been like 150 days. Itās gotten easier but every now and then, itās insanely hard. I have coping skills, but they canāt replace it completely. Itās just not the same, u know?
Oh, I donāt tell them this. Iāve been hospitalized before tho, so it has been an issue and they took it super seriously but just didnāt get it. They donāt get how it works or that they canāt just take my razors and expect it to stop. I do that in therapy every now and then. They always overreact, so I donāt tell them stuff. Like I still havenāt told them about the assault. Iām gonna talk like that with them once I move out. That way, I can kind of control when and how we talk about it. I have some friends I reach out to and I make myself wait until I talk to at least one of them. That way I donāt end up doing anything bad.
Iāve tried saying what I needed. They take offense to it. They take it as me being rude and saying they never do anything right, even when I acknowledge what theyāve done thatās helped. So they flip it around to making me feeling guilty rather than working together. Idk. It sucks. Only one more year after this one.
Yea well whatever works for you - I like all food tbh and I could talk about it endlessly (I wonāt) 
Although I donāt eat meat.
150 days is awesome! And I do kind of know what you mean - I think I have a similar thing with alcohol. Itās not exactly the same but every now and then thereās this urge and/or thoughts about how things are different and will always be there. It passes but itās definitely there!
I really struggled with my parents when I lived with them. Appreciate the situatiom was different but now that Iām older and I have some space from them itās so much better. I do agree with @KeatsJ1964 that in an ideal world open and honest dialogue is usually the way forward but I know itās not always the path I take! We can only do our best.
Sounds like thing are going ok with your friends t the moment?
Ur vegetarian? Moral reasons or you just donāt like meat anymore?
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. Iām hoping that with some space will bring a bit of respect and actual listening. I canāt have open dialogue. When I tell them things, they tend to overreact. Or just be insensitive. Hwen I told them I was bi, only a few weeks later my dad said itās easier to say no to girls than guys as if I could only like a guy. If I told them I was assaulted, theyād flip and never leave me alone with a guy friend again and start helicoptering. So I really need to wait.
I really only have one friend rn, but weāre tight. Iām having trouble making new friends and I donāt really want to. But I think itās at least partly cause of spencer. He was one of my very closest friends. Then he was a jerk and tried to make me do stuff. Whatever. But now itās like being friends doesnāt mean they wonāt hurt me. And itās just really hard.
I just feel really alone right now. I canāt row. I canāt be happy. I canāt have friends. I canāt be in youth group with my friends who Iāve grown up with cause I believe in God.
Iām just so alone and sad and anxious. Iāve had a lot more anxiety about it recently and itās been hard. I canāt walk in the dark without a weapon. I canāt watch a lot of movies. Plus, Iām moody and I hate this.
I donāt eat meat to help limit my environmental impact. Try and limit my fish/dairy intake too, and pay attention to how itās sourced. I donāt really miss it but will break ranks at Christmas though, we will have goose. It makes it easier if everyone eats the same thing. Plus itās delicious 
It sounds like your parents donāt understand how to handle what youāre going through! Time and space are often the answer.
Anyone who takes advantage does not deserve you and well done for exercising the control you have to break of from that āfriendshipā 
One tight friend is so valuable, but sorry to hear youāre feeling lonely at the moment. Why canāt you row or be in the youth group? Do read much? That can be a great way to kill time and it can be quite relaxing.
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Lol cool.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, itās true. But the whole no self esteem thing makes it hard to know that.
My back is messed up and the youth group it turns out, is all about a religion that Iām not a part of. I might stay cAuse I like the people, butā¦ Well see