Hi lovely people. I’m 23 days an two AA meetings since I had a drink. I say I’m lucky but in fact I’ve worked hard to get all the things that we are supposed to. Kids, Wife, Home Job. I love them all but I’ve been running and hiding in a little corner with a bottle and escaping. In my safe little bubble I’m capable doing some dumb high risk stuff that scares me. I’m lucky because even though I’ve been the wrong side of the line where I don’t recognise myself I haven’t burned it all down. But I know I will if i don’t stay stopped. With all this luck comes a lot of pressure and responcibility. A scary part of me would love to strike that match. Drink hands the matchbox to him.
For me AA has been good. The people there get it. Although many are older and their story is one of stopping after they have lost everything. Aspects of each person’s experience are relatabe. It also is a stark reminder of the destination I was heading for.
I’m finding the religious aspects uncomfortable. Nobody is expecting anything from me in that respect. But being honest with myself and others is liberating. Pretending just feels like lies I told cover up my drinking. I live in a traditional small town I respect that faith is helping others so I’ll probably just play along.
Over the past few weeks I’ve been checking in with this app. It’s taken a bit of time to jump in and contribute. Thank you for your posts its helped me feel like im not alone.
I’m glad that you found the courage and strength to get help, I hit my rock bottom but I did not loose everything. I still have my marriage, my children, a house and a car, I still have my friends too, but still hit my rock bottom. Going to meetings and programs definitely help with your journey, you have made the right choice, the community here is a great support too, I wish you all the best in your journey and thanks for sharing
I’ve been to thousands of meetings. I like the ones that use religious terminology the least, especially those close with the lord’s prayer.
But there is something of value for me to extract from every meeting and every aspect of every meeting. Boring shares, long readings, too much cursing or Christianity, if I look hard enough, I get something good from those.
Find a meeting that fits you. Blessings on your house .
Thanks for those comments. I agree that it is impossible to rule our the value of such a successful program with such limited experience.
Both meetings ended with the Our Father / Lords Prayer and the Serenity Prayer. That said I’m sure this is a product of the social norms of the group considering there age and community. I didn’t feel in any way that there was an expectation that I must join in. Im totally comfortable with standing quietly and respectfully in solidarity with the other members of the group. What makes me uncomfortable is that my drinking involved secrecy, lies and deceit. Stopping freed me from that and I was unsure how to approach that part of AA without going back to hiding me and pretending to meet others expectations.
I really like your intrepration of a higher power being a group of drunks. That makes 100% sence to me. There is certinally something special in that room that make you a better person.
I won’t stop going but I needed a bit of help navagaing those waters without resorting to negative strategies that are part of my problem. Thanks you for your insight.
Oh my goodness - I relate to so much of your story. You know what made me realize that I was an alcoholic? I was a drunk on a reverse trajectory. After a lot of years of struggle, I finally had the exact life I wanted. I had a wonderful husband, two absolutely delightful little boys, the opportunity to take a break from my career to be a stay at home mom, enough money to get by - and I could not stop drinking. Like you, I was watching myself burn down my life. Secrets and lies were a huge part of my story. I was a closet drinker (sometimes literally😉), and I felt such shame and self loathing. But you know where I’ve started letting go of that shame? In AA. Working the steps has awarded me a level of living honestly that I have never had before. There is literally nothing weighing down my soul today. What a bizarre and wonderful feeling that is.
Someone recently told me something they had heard in a meeting. If you are going to rob a bank, you aren’t going to ask for the coins and small bills. If you are going to do it, go bold and get the big money. That’s kinda how I feel about AA. I made the decision to do it, and I went all in. And man, I am so thankful I did.
Define your higher power as you want. For my sponsor, that is the collective wisdom of a group of drunks. For some in my meetings, it’s the majesty of nature. Last night I heard a speaker say, “I don’t have to believe in God to stay sober. I just have to remember that I’m not God.
I’m really glad you said hi. This forum has been a world of support for me. Hope you stick around.
I am Jewish and attend AA. Yes, sometimes the religious talk about Jesus does offend me. I go to the person who brought it up after the meeting and try to educate them about using Higher Power in their share. That is the most inclusive terminology. For some the group is the HP and that’s ok.
Also, it’s important to
Thanks for you encouragement. It helps a lot to know I’m not alone. I appreciate your comments @MoCatt there is a stupid voice in my head telling me “I’ve over reacted and I’m not an Alcoholic. I’m not like those real alcoholics” But when I reflect on the bad choices I’ve made and how I’ve said never again so many times. I know I am an Alcoholic. Going to AA has helped me recognise that I’m just fooling myself if I try and pretend otherwise.
Like you I didn’t lose anything but my self respect and missed opportunities. I look back now and beat myself up over things I should or shouldn’t have done before I got sober. I tell myself that it’s ok. I made those choices with the information and life I had at that time. Today I can choose between good and great, rather than bad to worse. Trudge on, my friend.
Part of getting better is learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. You aren’t going to be asked to proselytize, make and alter-call, memorize scripture, or drink flav-o-aid. Just respect the fact that for some, their HP is a celestial being. It’s OK be be agnostic. I believe in Him. You don’t have to.
When a prayer is uttered, remain respectfully silent. When I pray with my Roman Catholic brothers and sisters, and the rosary starts being prayed, this AoG Pentecostal remains respectfully silent, and they respect my choice to do so.
It’s about focusing on commonalities, not differences. At AA, your commonality is a desire to get sober. How some choose to express this is less important than what they (and you) are trying to achieve.
You are not alone. My story is very similar to yours. I also drank in secret but I know that is a lie. I lied to my wife and kids and to myself. The hardest thing is to be honest to yourself but if you will do this all other things they will become easier.
Hi guys. I did make it to day 30 and still going strong. I’m feeling great too. It’s ironic that so much of the stress and anxiety that I was using alcohol to escape has evaporated now I’m sober. It’s amazing what sober sleep and honest conversations with those who love you can do for your mental health.
The good folk at AA and you lovely people have made a real difference. Particularly in helping me to disregard that corrosive little voice that says “Your not an Alcoholic… you’ve over reacted… You’ll be fine you won’t mess up again”.
I have had good support from friends too. We spent the weekend with my drinking buddy and his wife. I had a chat with him. He was very cool about it.
Thanks guys for making we welcome and keeping me positive and grounded.
Hey hey! What a great post to end my night. I am so happy you are doing well. I feel the same way; anxiety and stress feel so much more manageable now. Thank you for letting us know of your hard work and beautiful results - and congratulations on 30+ days of a better, healthier life!
I can relate to your story. I have what I’ve always wanted. Loving husband, beautiful daughter, adorable
Pup, and a good healthy job. But why am I escaping from everything I’ve wanted? It’s odd isn’t it? We try to become this person we envisioned and once we get there we feel trapped. I’ve been thinking maybe trying to start personal hobby only I can do, so it’s an escape from others but also not toxic but more beneficial. So i can suggest the same
For you if you think I’m getting somewhere with this. But I’m just as blind as you my friend.
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