Hi. I’m sorry to bother you. I don’t know what to say. I’m 50 years and I think I’m too stupid to live. All my life I was drinking, partying, at some parts using drugs…
I stopped drinking many times, when my life crashed and every time when it was better, I started again, just to find me at the bottom again after a while. I do the same things again and again. This time I had the biggest crash and I lost really everything. I stopped drinking again and didn’t drink almost 5 months. But my life still is a mess. My depression plays me again. I work, but I’m not reliable, since I’m stressed out all the time. And now I found a new addiction… Gambling… Aka trading derivatives. I work a month and lose all in a day. Why am I like this 
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How we talk to, and about, ourselves matters. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. Also, you’re not alone. 
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Sadly it’s choices we make. Gratification comes at a price. That price is costly.
You can’t ever let your guard down with addiction. It’s always lurking. Ready to entice you to partake in it’s deadly game and cycle.
You aren’t stupid, you’re weak. There’s a difference. You will start to develop muscle when you exercise the desire and want to be fully sober each and every day.
Don’t trust those thoughts and feelings. It’s like your brain is saying it’s snowing outside when it’s 95 F degress outside in the sweltering heat.
Well right now your brain is saying it’s snowing. It’s not.
Hang in there. It’s not how many times we fall but whether we get back up and press on.
Make goals.
Be reliable - how will you show and change that? How will you work hard to incorporate that in your every day life? Journal these.
Gambling - what boundaries to you have? Remove apps off phone? Avoid going to where you do the transaction for it? Replace that “deed” with something else like archery or rock climbing? Make an effort. There’s way more exciting things in life than catering to addictions.
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There are two important realities I had to come to accept as real. First, I am an alcoholic. That’s why I drank and why I seek relief. Second, there is something I can do about it.
The roots of addiction in each of us is important to identify and work on. But first, we must stop using or acting out. And the way I stayed stopped was to go to my doctor and a therapist and most significantly, AA. Just trying harder to be good always ended badly for me.
Abstinence is removing the substance or behavior from my life. Sobriety is the cultivation of a personality that can get along in the world with relative comfort, calm, and serenity. Abstinence is like clearing the land for a garden, turning over the soil, picking out the rocks, maybe even putting up a fence to keep the critters out. Sobriety is the daily work, planting seeds, keeping the rows clear of weeds, rooting out pests, checking daily progress of the plants, then the harvest and preparing the good food and sharing it with neighbors.
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Hello and welcome to TS. You’re not stupid. You’re probably just like most of us looking for some magic escape from all the stress going on around you. Hang in there. You can make the changes necessary for a life you enjoy. 
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Actually I think I can’t do it anymore. After like 30 years of addiction my teeth are completely broken. I have pain every day. I’m tired of standing up again and again, when it’s only to fall again. Like 10 years of therapy did not change anything also.
I don’t want to live like that
Because you are an addict. As we all are here. Addiction can hit anyone, whatever the IQ. 5 months is a great stretch of sobriety, but when you have been drinking for decades, all won’t be fixed in 5 months. You have to focus on the journey, 50 is still young, you have many years ahead of you to recover, bit by bit, learning about yourself.
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I think 50 years in this life is enough
Because you have an addiction. Addiction is not about choice (it’s not like choosing whether or not to have an orange with breakfast - I can choose to have an orange or not; it’s a choice that I can do or not do, no problem - but addiction is not about choice: an addiction is deeper than choice). You need help - we all do (no one recovers from addiction alone) - and you need to get both physical and mental supports.
Have you spoken with your doctor about your depressive feelings? There is often something that can be done; take some time to ask your doctor and see what is possible. I found my depression really inhibited my action before I started to work on it.
Look into pathways to recovery. There are many different ones but they all involve learning from people who have more knowledge.
Welcome to Talking Sober!
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What is “this life”?
I would say 50 years of living with untreated depression (for example) is enough. (Speak with your doctor about a mental health assessment. It will help. It could be depression; it could be another condition. The point is, speak with a knowledgeable medical or psychological professional.) Get treatment for your mental health - which could include one or more of medication, group or individual therapy, life coaching, and other supports - and you will find your perspective on this life will change.
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I would have expected more in this forum than some Fortune cookie sayings and people who don’t even read what it’s about and just write the usual nonsense.
Well then… Good bye this life
Why did you come here then?
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It sucks when we feel so hopeless. I drank for 40+ years and for the last many years just wanted to die to get out of the mental anguish. Alcohol is a huge depressant and it is such a horrible cycle of self loathing. I guess you reached out here because you are hoping for support. I know that was why I did. Nothing else was working and I couldn’t figure out how to make sobriety stick. I don’t have any answer. I just know it sucks to feel so helpless and hopeless. I hope you stick around. This place isn’t perfect, we are all just people trying to heal ourselves. Maybe read around some and something might help you take a step forward that works for you.
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Hi J,
It’s good that you’re here reaching out and I understand that you’re frustrated with the responses you’ve been getting. What would you like us to hear?
Some of your language suggests that you’re thinking of ending your life. If you are in the US, I recommend calling or texting 988, which is the suicide hotline.
You said that you felt people weren’t understanding your situation. Here’s what I understand from reading your post–please correct me if I’m wrong.
-you are 50 years old
-you’ve been in a cycle of drinking/drugs/partying and depression for years
-you’ve gone to therapy for 10 years and it hasn’t helped
-your body is suffering the effects, your teeth are broken and your body is in pain
-you managed to stop drinking for a bit but have picked up a cross-addiction (gambling) which is really stressful
-all of this has led you to feeling stupid and worthless
-you are having difficulty seeing beyond the shittiness of your current existence
-you reached out for help
-you are disappointed with the responses you are getting
As others on this thread have already said, we are a community of people also in recovery and we are willing to help if you give us a chance. What are we not getting? What were you hoping to hear when you posted?
Come back here and let us know.
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Awwww hun, biggest, bear hugs to you. Please don’t think that you are too stupid to live!! You are 50 you say, well there is a reason Why you made it to your 50th birthday. Don’t give up, it takes Time and lots of patience to get your life back on track. After my 2nd year in sobriety is when I finally felt that alcoholic fog lifting, I know it’s frustrating at times but hang in there. I talked to my doctor about my depression and I now take medication for it…ok no offense intended to you or anyone here…but I call it “my b!&tch pill!!” I run out of my prescription…I tend to get just a 
bit bi$&#chy…I hope you are doing better today and I have 2 ears if you need 
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You are not too stupid, put down the bat you’re beating yourself up with my friend. You are someone who has had a life full of hurt. The relief that we found within our addictions to stop the pain eventually stops working and leaves us with more burdens. So many of us have been there. I remember that hopeless feeling and not wanting to wake up anymore. It’s an awful feeling.
What changed my life and actually gave me one worth living was not just putting the drink down. In sobriety I hit a new low because I wasn’t doint the inner work. I found freedom by finally surrendering to AA, getting a sponsor and working the steps. It cleared out so much of my pain. It helped me to see things differently. For me to take new actions and finally get new results. My life now is unrecognizable from where I was. I have never known this kind of freedom and happiness. Life really CAN change in recovery. You’re not in it alone.
If you are in the US, please call 988 for immediate help. It’s not too late and you are worthy of having a life that is worth living.
I’m sending so much love to you, I hope you can feel it. 
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I am sorry to read this. I am 75 and always find I go from one addiction to another. You really need to get some help from say gamblers anonymous etc. Please look them up online.
Hi @Jgdtj i don’t know if you are still receiving messages from this forum or if you thought we could jog on, either way …i do hope your ok and have managed to get some help .gambling a months wages in one go is enough to make anyone get to the point you feel like you are . I know you feel like no one understands and it sounds like you may have a very serious clinical depression that a doctor could give you help with so you don’t feel like this anymore. if you do read this and want to reach out to us again we are here
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