I have been fighting so hard for an hour and half maybe more in not using it, I’m just looking at it. The urge is there, I want to so bad but then I remember my 1 year.
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I have to sign off for six or seven hours. I am sorry.
Please, if you can, please tell me that you will still be here when I get back.
Please keep searching for and find that strength to keep yourself safe and alive.
I am so glad you came here, posted, and feel safe here.
If those tools you have used in the past feel not so helpful right now, then let the people here help you find better tools.
I like what @erntedank said… for one minute just feel yourself getting hugged and cared about. And then another minute.
Please be here when I come back.
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To get to one year without hurting yourself since the last time? Editing to add that I see in your original post that you just hit one year clean
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I’m trying to Express myself, I’m trying to vent out, You people are listening to me and not goving me the cold shoulder, you are hearing me out when everyone is just telling me to pray more and walking away.
I’m fighting with all the energy I have and I’m scared I won’t last that long, I won’t have the energy I am barely having to fight.
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I’ve just hit one year and I’m tired Alisa I’m so tired.
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You need help with this and right now we are the help that you are getting. I am sorry those around you are not that helpful. A lot of the people here on this site have felt some similar feelings.
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And your doing it, you dont have to fight all your fights all at once, pick your fight and the rest will follow when u do feel strong enough…the fight for now is to stay alive and know that you are loved because you are
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If you are in a country where you could call for help, I wish you would. I have an idea that you are in a country where you cannot.
I can’t because we don’t have such a service
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There’s helplines world wide friend. For example look here: https://help.keen.com/hc/en-us/articles/360061591413-Customers-in-Crisis
Crisis Centres & Helplines - IASP
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Starlight you are sweet, I swear I’m giving it my all I am really trying, I’m trying to have a panicking moment or lose focus because I don’t know what I’ll do or say.
I’ve locked myself in the office hoping to god no one talks to me.
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One of the things that got me through one of my hardest times is genuine compassion and thats what im giving you, im holding your hand, you can get through this
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I highly appreciate this but the numbers of my country are wrong, they are not dialling
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I appreciate what you are doing, you are talking to a person who is so scared to break focus because he’s scared he’ll snap and end up regretting his actions.
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Hes stronger than he thinks, hes loved more than he knows, he has a valuable place in this world
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It hurts…it hurts soo much, this pain is overwhelming to all the issues I’m dealing with the situation of my ex-friend with my closeted self it just hurts, I feel like I can’t breath like everything is suffocating me like what am I suppose to do, I am giving it my all to stay focused, you amazing people are giving me time from your scheduleds to help me through this.
I am trying not to break my own promise and the promise I made to my friend. I am fighting mentally, emotionally and physically, I’m running out of strength.
I still have 1hour 30mins until my Shift ends
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The faith you have in me, I don’t know what to say
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You dont have to say anything just feel and believe
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I feel so much pain.
I’m shaking violently barely holding my phone, I just can’t afford to lose focus starlight I can’t and I’m scared, I am so fucking scared, what if I can’t keep up with this fight, what if after all this I just can’t up the promises I’ve made.
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Take some breaths…what ifs are all fiction, focus on the here and now and breath
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