I am so glad you’re still here. I have been keeping you in my thoughts, wishing you a reprieve in your struggle. I hope you find peace, if even for a moment, some flicker of joy and hope, very soon. And then I hope that flicker grows and grows and chases away your negative thoughts. I know it will happen because you are such a fighter. You are already so strong.
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Thank you for your kindness. You have been so nice and I highly appreciate that. I’m trying so hard to keep fighting for the people that care about me and want me alive, I’m trying with all my will power to not give up.
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One day at a time is all you need to get through. And if that’s too much, just make it through to the next hour.
Please try and practice some self care. I know it’s hard, but have a shower and open the curtains. Sunlight will help your seratonin levels.
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I have been doing that I wasn’t able to go to work on Thursday and I don’t know if I can go to work tomorrow. I ve been in my room all day just watching some cartoons. Been trying to eat but nothing is seems to stay down. My mental health isn’t doing great so far but i am really trying to keep fighting but my dark thoughts are just getting darker.
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I really do understand. I’ve been in a really treacherous hole for about 4 years now. It’s not easy.
It’s taken me a long time, but I started by setting myself 1 thing per day to achieve. Start simple.
Shower…
Make the bed…
Sit in the sun…
Check the mail…
It doesn’t have to be a big thing.
Recovery and progress look different to everyone. Don’t kick yourself because you’re not doing as much as someone else. Be proud of yourself for doing more than you did yesterday.
If you put in 1% more tomorrow than you did today, that’s progress.
Recovery has no deadline.
Stay strong
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I now do up to 5 things a day however limit my commitment to the objective to 30mins, unless I feel like doing more.
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Set yourself up for the morning.
Grab some clean sheets to put on your nightstand. When you wake, you’ll see them and hopefully just strip your bed to make it clean…
Leave a rag with cleaning product on your bathroom/toilet bench and give it a quick wipe while you’re there…
Grab a rubbish bag and pick up trash on your way from the bedroom to the coffee pot…
Anything has got to be better than nothing.
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I’ve been trying to do that, small tasks like taking a shower, brushing my hair, burshing my teeth, making me tea and whatever comes to mind. I haven’t gone to work in two day because I just couldn’t I don’t have the energy nor the strength but tomorrow I’m going to have to go I can’t afford taking more sick days.
I’m trying to do what I can one day at a time, i rearranged my clothes that were all over my room, I have been putting that off for as long as I can remember.
When I’m forced to be with my family I have to fake and pretend to be okay and that take out all my energy, so I prefer to lock myself in my room and try little by little to continue my fight between me and myself.
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To be honest, my thing to do tomorrow is to clean the vacuum, and dishes…
It’ll take so little time out of my day, however I find myself like a little old man just plodding along and seeing the next thing that is along my path that 'oh that doesn’t belong here ', then put it where it’s supposed to be.
Setting a task isn’t the same as setting a goal.
No-one thinks cleaning the garage is fun. I just break things down into the next object that isn’t in it’s place.
Don’t pressure yourself.
Unfortunately, work is a necessary part of life. Are you able to communicate with your boss and let them know you’re going through a challenging situation? Possibly cut your hours a little or take a different role to reduce the stress?
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I’m trying not to stress myself not going to lie, I can’t talk to my boss because I don’t know how she will react, when I was having difficulty with a few tasks she wrote me up so going to work is stressing me out I’m a secretary and we have a few outbreaks meaning we have constant meetings and I have to write meeting minutes minus the ones that I have pending. It’s crazy.
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I’m sorry you don’t feel like you can talk to her. Do you have a human resources department or workplace psychologist you can see?
I can only suggest that you take a water bottle to meetings, count your breathing and keep on topic actively listening.
I know it’s hard when it’s boring, but active effort in those cases are going to be a good distraction.
Address it more like a therapy lecture. Create your own mindfulness around the subject matter, and don’t internalize
Don’t worry about what others think of you. It’s none of your business. Hook in, block them out, and focus on your task.
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Mental health isn’t really a big issue here so it’s not a topoc ypu talk about with anyone or they will think you are incapable of doing your job and they might let me go and I can’t afford that, I’m living from what you call paycheck to paycheck. I’m going to try and do what I can. The thought of it just stresses me out.
I do not know if you are able to see you tube or not. I have had Enya on my phone for years and every now and then a song will pop on and it immediately calms me. Maybe it will help give you some peace… just listen to the music and her voice , don’t get hung up in the words. Sending you strength for your day today, your night when it comes and the next day and the next. You are not alone.
Let me know if you cannot see the video, if it is not available in your country, ( and would like to) and I will try another by the same name. Enya has lots of “albums”
Are you not able to reach out to any of the people that care about you that youve mentioned? Im sure tthey would want to help if they knew how much your struggling?
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I am trying too, I have been trying to call my psychiatrist but she isn’t picking my calls she might been really busy.
I have been trying to contact my best friend but both of them are sleeping and I’m currtenly on a discord call with my friend he is trying to calm me down.
I currently fell of the wagon again and I have hurt myself again, I need to stop this because I can’t keep doing this.
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Hi! Checking in to see how you’re doing?
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Thats on him. Not you. You are here asking for help and thats a great start. Take it one day at a time. You are needed here. Your story will help someone. Your knowledge and experience can help someone who is feeling like you do now… please hang in there. We need you in this community.
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Hey there! Thanks for checking in, that’s so nice of you. I’m slowly trying to recover I have not self-harmed nor tried to take an attempt at my life, I’ve been shutting everyone out, my work is suffering but I’m at a point where I’m just fuck it I don’t care and that might get me in trouble but I am barely surviving. I have been taking what everyone has been telling me, one step at a time and doing small tasks and just staying in my own self loathing bubble but I have triggered my eating disorder and I have been binge eating still I get sick.
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Thank you! I am trying to hang in there but I’m hanging on by a thin thread. It’s what he made me do it what gets to me, I did things that I am strong against and that grosses me out and it makes me feel like I have become the red flag I tell people to avoid from people. I have become this nasty person even though I didn’t mean for it to get to where it got I was just a dude talking to another dude.
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You know what went wrong. Use that knowledge and experience to never feel this way again.
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