Today is day 1 for me….I’ve had several day 1’s, I never really make it past the weekend. I don’t drink every day, but I do normally on the weekend, and I always make sure to binge drink. I’m I. My early 30’s, I am a mom of 4. I use alcohol to escape from stress honestly, boredom, loneliness. My dad was an alcoholic he passed from a really bad fall when he was drinking, we were actually drinking together that night and he fell down my stairs and had a TBI that lead to death, he immediately went into cardiac arrest and because I was drinking I freaked out and didn’t start cpr immediately like I should have. That experience gave me ptsd and crippling depression, that’s when drinking became a problem for me. Here I am 3 years later…… last night I went out with friends after work, drank all night fell badly 3 times and blacked out and acted really stupid at the end of the night. I woke up all bruised up and so embarrassed I laid in the bed depressed all day. I was already wanting to quit but nights like this make me see why I really need to and want too. I need support staying on track though, those stressful days make me wanna escape so bad. It’s not even fun anymore it’s really disgusting. I need to quit for myself and my family…. I need to stop thinking eventually I will be able to moderate myself and realize I have a problem
Hey Cat, welcome! I’m sorry to hear about your father, that is a really traumatic experience. Have you been to a therapist about it?
I’ve also had many day 1s, and 2s and 3s. That was my MO for a long time, I’d be really hung over and swear off drinking for good, but by the 4th day I felt better and always said, “it wasn’t THAT bad”. And repeat.
Your in a good place for support. This forum had helped me get sober and the tools I’ve picked up here have helped me stay sober.
Keep coming here, read all that you can, check in on the daily check in thread. Meet the people, make friends. Pass the time here and pick up your own tools. Do all that and before you know it, you will be sober for a week, a month, a year!
Thank you so much
Hey Cat! I’m glad you are here, and yes we support you. I’m so sorry about your dad. That would be a tragic experience. There are loads of resources for recovery on this forum. Congrats on your sober day. I didn’t drink today either. Probably not going to tomorrow as well.
Congratulations for deciding to stay sober alcohol is a slippery slope . I’m this forum people all be through a lot of mental battles staying sober we here to support is better to stop now while is not too late you doing great not drinking every day. I was severe alcoholic everyday I have to remind myself life is stressful but alchohol not solving it just making worse and worse problems don’t go away for relaxation I can recommend great book so many exercises how to calm yourself from panic attacks worrying one day at the time. Book stress control by Paul McKenna I’m currently 5days sober after medical detox I though I can control my drinks but unfortunately was to to ticking bomb 
really sorry about your dad but don’t give up is hard for all of us you not alone
Hey Cat and welcome to this forum! You already got some wise words and I don’t have much more to add, only want to welcome and encourage you to spend a lot of time on here. Read all the success stories, stories of sad depressed embarrassing heartbroken people like yourself (and me!) who got sober, got back in touch with the good in themselves and turned their lives around. There is hope for you. You can become a happier, healthier, more hopeful person! You also have four little ones who do not deserve to remember their mum unhappy and absent during their childhood! It should be a great incentive for you to send them off into their lives with better cards than you had, watching your dad be a drunk.
There is hope for you! For all of us here!
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Welcome to the forum! 2021 edition 
Welcome and congratulations on taking a brave first step! Most of us here have some kind of trauma,stress, or pain we want very badly to go away and whether we use booze,pills,gambling,or the host of other addictions available, our main objective is to stop the awful feelings we are having,the haunting thoughts that invade our spirits and minds and make us feel unworthy and unloved.
And, for a few hours those feelings and pains are covered up and we are set “free” from our burden. But after drinking and using for more than 35 years, I know for a fact the next day it all comes back and more self loathing because I’m a drunk and a druggie and I hate myself. So how do we fix it, have a drink,pop some pills…you get where I’m going? You must make the choice to jump off the merry-go-round before you can begin to heal and like yourself again! 
Welcome. I am so glad you are here! And I am really sorry about your dad. Like they say in AA “Don’t quit before the miracle happens” and “Keep coming back” you are in my thoughts and prayers
Welcome, Cat! You’ve found a great place to land; I hope to see you around more and see your progress! 
Welcome Cat. So happy you’re here. Well done on choosing sobriety. I think the one day at a time thing is the best way to start. I’m 19 days and I needed it for the first few days while my body detoxed. When your head clears a bit, get working. Do some meetings, read or listen to books, engage on here and other forums. For now, just try to be sober. Just today. Then tomorrow, try to be sober. Go easy on yourself and be kind to yourself. Eat when you can, sleep when you can, drink water, breathe, have a bath, rest, relax if you can. Stay here…we will help you
Hope you are feeling better today! Do you have plans in place next time, for when someone asks you to drink? If nothing else, do something nice for you this evening. A hair mask, a dumb movie, a bit of candy?