I know I love her. I don’t know if I can actively show her the love that a husband should show. You ask some very good questions that we need to sit down and be honest to eachother about. We start counseling this Friday so hopefully moving towards healing for both.
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Its alright to not know the answer to those questions bud. But simply reading between the lines, if you’re both prepared and willing to go to counselling, that’s already a pretty good indicator that you’re willing to try and give her the love she needs as a husband whichever way it goes and that’s all you can ask yourself to do right now.
I honestly wish both of you all the best at counselling and I sincerely hope you both get the answers and clarification you need to either rebuild your foundation together or to set new foundations of your own.
I don’t believe that anyone deserves to be defined by their biggest mistakes. Some of the most difficult conversations you can have can often be the most reconnecting and given your willingness to have those conversations, I hope you get the outcome you both want mate.
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That’s rough. I completely understand. I’ve been dealing with similar issues… Its really hard… Im newly sober and my husband is… Not. It is a very hard thing to manage even without the betrayals it will def knock the breath out of you. Sorry you are going through this.
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Hi mate. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.
That is unbelievably hurtful.
Hear if you ever need a chat mate,
J
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Thank you Jamie and welcome to Talking Sober!
Move on m8 that was painful to read u take her back your a mug 3 times? Nah tell her to bolt
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Hey just checking up on you 
How are you doing ? Hope all is good and you were able to figure out the best option for you and your kids sending you strength in this time 
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Thank you! I’m doing ok for now. We are just kind of coexisting and keeping everything civil until our counseling appointment this Friday.
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Thank you for checking in! We start counseling this Friday so looking forward to start hashing all this out then!
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Counselling?Can’t believe u considering giving her other chance m8
I hope the counseling, is helpful moving forward, it might just improve your marriage 10 fold, you would be surprised at the results. I’m wishing you the best man
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Don’t be too sure. Divorce turns a marriage into a contract negotiation, a zero-sum-game. In my previous marriage, I was a good provider, loyal and respectful husband, and devoted father. When we got into court, her lawyer made me sound like Attila The Hun or Ghengis Khan. Let’s just say I was a bit taken aback. It was all about the money and minimizing the amount of custody I had with our son. She was angry that I took early retirement from the Marines, and took a lump-sum payout. She’d been counting on a percentage of a regular military retirement for the rest of her life. Denied this, she wanted to squeeze every dime she could out of me in the shorter period she had to work with.
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Money and divorce will turn anyone into a vulture, add a lawyer and its much worse. I was separating from my kids mom and was considering rejoining the milltary, of course custody had to get settled, and I was being offered a lump sum signing bonus to return, she refused to agree to sign or agree to anything unless I gave her that money.
Didn’t know you took an early retirement, I’m still a bit misunderstood that the military never caught up with the times of former spouses getting lifetime payouts from their retirees
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I’m still not sure what I want I kinda shut my mind off the last couple days. I was getting burned out with the whole thing. I wanted go together for the first session so I can help explain the whole situation. I didn’t want it to be downplayed by her going alone. After that I’d like to do seperate sessions but thats up to the professionals. I just know if I cant trust her again, which I don’t think I ever have since the first time, it isn’t fair to either of us or the kids to keep this going but we will see.
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True I guess I never went through one so I don’t really know how either side will act. My parents split when I was 10 and kept it out of court and came up with their own visitation schedule and everything but maybe thats a rare occurrence.
What did your therapist say?
I’ve been in both routes, where we met together and then had separate sessions and my last run was we had separate sessions first then together. Unfortunately the together session became a rant and rave party.
I still wish you the best, I can understand why your not dwelling on it,
Shes gotta go.
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I’ve been following along but haven’t said anything because I am not near as wise as the people commenting but I’m gonna try
My parents were together 23 years. They split when I was 13 so that he could marry the person he had cheated on my mom with. He has now been married 2 times and my mom never dated. It wasn’t his first time cheating and I knew about it because this was when everyone used landlines. I had a curfew of 9pm so my dad could use the dial up internet. I got my own phone line. Oh I was so happy! I broke curfew to call a boy. I was on the phone when the lines merged and I heard a whole conversation my dad had with his side piece. I witnessed him on the internet in chat rooms. I watched my mom fall apart and watched him just move on. By 16 I resented my dad so much for all that I found out and I am still working through it because when my mom was passing from a brain tumor she told me so much I never wanted to know. Your kids know what is happening. They WILL have trust issues. No one can tell you what to do or if to try it one more time. Ultimately that’s up to you. Cheating for me is a no go even if you put aside all the personal details that have been handed out.
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So hard to read your painful story. Your kids are so young. I hope you can concentrate on them and your sobriety.
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Hey Nolan . . I’m sorry to say .I found the same in Facebook secret message just before Christmas .I have an AF group in Spain Uk . . my husband with my best friend .when I read this my love my heart goes out to you .I know how devastating it is .we are 20 years married . . I just could get my head around the Why ? Then my self pity . but hang on I didnt do this ! I was like a screaming banshee . . or where I come from in Uk a foul mouthed Fisher woman . . now into 2021 how do I move on . doing counseling but like you can’t UNSEE XXX wish you love and Peace Val x😥
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