I have no idea if this image uploaded or not. Either way Hello! regulars and bleh! newcomers. Nothing kills a good AA topic like a newcomer’s meeting amiright? Yay I got an app! and now I can bitch online anonymously. I haven’t posted so much as a comment on a Youtube video in probably 5yrs or more… much less a Forum so… be Amazed! Introduce myself ok… Chris here, Jesus to an exclusive bunch of company I’ve spent a modicum of time with for my ever-evolving resemblance to the Man whom turns water into the very vine of life. 32yo… Registered card carrying alkie for 10+yrs. Fights, hospitals, job losses, homelessness, drunk tanks, etc… my war stories will just make you blush. Just out of a 15yr relationship/marriage, lost everything, sleeping on a friend’s couch… Hello Ladies. And fresh off a good-sized, forced, bout of sobriety. Despite all this and my college credits toward my substance abuse counseling degree… *sigh, jk, if only mistakes paid instead of the other way around… I went right back to drinking, like it was a good buddy and not some devil that fucked my wife and took my life away from me… that’s Friendship. 3 weeks back at it, it’s all a miserable haze, I swear to God my insides are in utter revolt. I’m less sick drunk though. Any sober time has been spent trying to work, dry/wet heaving, worrying, chain smoking, barely sleeping, having panic attacks… WTF! is a panic attack? I didn’t even know what they were and now all of a sudden I’m Tony fucking Soprano. I’m destroyed. I’m lovesick, pining for this old life with another alcoholic I was miserable with. I’ve got this blank canvas in front of me and all I wanna do is throw shit at it. I’m resigned to losing all my hopes, dreams, potential. My HP and I are at an impasse. I’ve got a grudge against AA…alcoholics are the absolute worst people. Oh, I’ll 5th step all day long… my shit has long since stopped embarrassing me… never done me a lick of good. I’ve been doing this So very long… I’ve heard every bit of advice and I can preach it with swagger. I’m jaded, Im bitter, heartbroken, listening to Willie Nelson with a bottle of gin. And for the record, if you’re reading, I have no interest in my story futhering your cause… let’s go down together. But fuck it, I’ve gotta rant somewhere cause to do this in public would mean immediate expulsion from the bar. I’ve lurked for a few hours and admittedly it’s a nice community… not as yet completely ruined with infighting and dictum… Enjoy. I’ve got this disease… allergy, ass rash, what have you… where this beautiful fucking world is never enough. I’m sick and I don’t know if I can make it through another detox. I’m alone. I don’t know what I have to offer humanity anymore, but I know I’m dying and it sucks cause it feels like my agent screwed me out of a bigger part. So… rant complete I guess… talk amongst yourselves.