At first for me it was sporadic drinking, just whenever I felt like it. My drinking life really got started when I joined the Navy. Like I said sporadic, but mostly weekends. When I was in boot camp of course I couldn’t drink, but my company commander noticed something about me I didn’t even know and I didn’t think he was right at first but I kinda do now. He somehow knew I was afraid of failure, how he knew I don’t, but as time when on it became stronger. Now I’ll tell you looking back on my career I wasn’t a screwup. I was the exact opposite . couldn’t see it then though. This is going to be a long story I see. You might wanna bail now😅 I said I wasn’t a screwup but now I realize I’m human. Here’s an example. I’ll say this first, I was raised with guns. My Dad taught me early on to respect weapons and how to use them but I never shot a pistol. They told us we could get our first medal if we qualified. OK I thought, really wasn’t interested in medals but OK. I started blowing the middle out of that target. I’m almost positive my CC was watching now, but he wasn’t in charge of this event. The next thing I know there’s a first class petty officer at my elbow. I couldn’t understand what he was saying because of the hearing protection so I turned my head to look at him. That gun didn’t waver more than a couple of inches off the target I’m sure now as I was then. You don’t argue with authority though, not with a gun in your hand especially. He said give me that and took the weapon, put me at parade rest facing away from the line of fire . I was confused but said nothing, I had failed but I could and would stand at parade rest. Chief McDonald, my CC, came over and looked me in the face from about 20 feet. I couldn’t meet his eye. That’s all he ever did with me, others he would scream, yell and send to punishment. He never said a bad word to me. I’ve never thought anything about that or this incidence until today. 35 years later. Nobody got a medal that day. Chief McDonald near the end of boot camp ran beside me. In a voice that carried but to no one in particular he said " I think someone’s afraid screwing up" I smiled. I almost laughed. I can’t remember exactly what I thought then but It must have not penetrated. Today I realize he was warning me. He told my Dad at my graduation but Dad didn’t tell me until several years after I retired. It didn’t penetrate then either. More later on how drinking and fear go together. Thanks for sticking. Stay sober.