Not necessarily, I was just taking the pee 
1 Like
I can see myself in your shoes in the future. I have only been sober for 5 weeks now but I hear stories like yours where years later people take that drink and bang itās back to square one. I completely understand how a person can talk themselves into thinking they can drink again with some control. I almost talked myself into drinking tonight after being stressed. I told myself, just tonight. Then I talked myself out of it. Hope I can stay strong. Four years is a huge accomplishment, one Iām sure you can do again and this time hopefully
1 Like
Welding to the community/forum. Have a good read around, use the search function to find threads relevant to yourself and I would recommend that you check in every day in the checking in daily thread, itās a great way to get to know everybody. 
.
Massive congratulations on reaching five weeks sober, thatās some accomplishment for people like us.
2 Likes
Thanks! I had a tough night but I held it together. Iāve been a daily alcohol user to cope with job related stress and life in general for many many years. I just spent 39 days in a trauma based rehab center which seemed to be a good start. I was circling the drain, I had to do something. So little support for mental health here. Iām hoping to add many more days, and looking around here and reading peopleās stories has helped immensely!!
2 Likes
Hello Emmalena
Weāve lived a life of Hell and through that Hell youāve gained strength. I see nothing but beautiful glory for you and your children. All your prayers are coming through so enjoy the rest of your life one day at a time.
Jerry
2 Likes
Iām Kyle, drugs ruled my life for almost 12 years, I started using when I was 12. Developed a bad cocaine addiction around 19-20 years old and used that for 2 years straight. Pills and coke brought me to my lowest point where I had a life changing event happen. It rocked my world and even after that I struggled to completely give up drugs. Iāve now accumulated 9 months clean but still have a long way to go. Thanks for letting me share!
6 Likes
I am Thomas 43 years old struggling with porn and masturbation since I was 7 years old when I was exposed to a porn magazine in my own home, since then I have had ups and downs. Nowadays 5 days sober
A very embarrassing addiction and sometimes I feel rotten but still I believe there is hope
7 Likes
Hey. I am Jonathan. 24 years old. I am an alcoholic.
My story begins at an early age. The first alcohol related memories I have are me as a (i tink) 9, 10 year old sipping the last few drops of wine out of peopleās glasses at parties. I remember loving the taste of it.
So after that I some time went by. Then at around 15 maybe, my much older cousins gave me a sip of their beers at family parties. I think the root of my drinking started there.
My parents donāt drink at all. So at home I never saw alcohol being consumed.
Fast forward time to around my 16th year of age.
The legal drinking age for beer and wine here in Belgium. Yay I can drink now! So I got my parents to by me all kinds of belgian beersā¦ and thatās were it really started. I had acces to alcohol.
I drank more and more on the weekends and at parties,ā¦ in that time period I started to drink liquor as wel. Whiskey, vodka,ā¦ loved it.
As the years went by I drank more and more. Until the day I noticed I was drinking every day. Usualy only a few beers and shots. Somedayās I went really far and got wasted.
After a while I noticed a daily pattern.
I know that if I didnāt stop the pattern before my drinking really spiraled out of control I would end up with dead. Eventually. My life was still manageable but I had to stop. Before it was really to late.
Tried to get sober twice. But I failed. Used the forum and the app. But I still failed.
This is my 3rd try and Iām doing better than before. Iām changing myself and my habbits, thoughts and feelings. I didnāt do that on the first 2 tries.
Iām now on day 126. Feel proud of myself.
Thanks for listening!
8 Likes
Bio
Almost 47(May 23rd) and 2 months 23 days ago finished a 28 day plus inpatient treatment program. Right out of treatment, moved to Eastern Washington, changing people, places and things! This journey has been 12 years in the making.
Graduated class of ā91ā and immediately started taking courses at community colleges. Within a few years I was a certified EMT, First Aid & CPR Instructor & certified phlebotomist. While working for a hospital, I was also very active as a volunteer for the King County 4x4 Search & Rescue. I was living the dream!
It all slowly ended as I was diagnosed with endometriosis. This ultimately led to multiple surgeries, massive weight gain & gastric bypass to lose the weight. Complications set in leading to many health issues and more surgeries, for a total of 17. Letās not forget pain medication addiction too.
A new life started to evolve, having weighed 400lbs in 2003 to hitting a weight the Dr.'s said was impossibleā¦156lbs by 2005! (It was a rough road to say the least.) I moved to Seattle & started over. REALLY started overā¦.Gothā¦the new look!
I slowly made safe new friends. But it all changed! Fell into the wrong crowd. Drugs came into play in addition to the massive pain meds I was prescribed. And then the raging alcoholic!
Late 2006 I met someone. He, on work release, was painting the apartment I lived in. Told me his story and I ābelievedā him. I started cleaning up as he was to be released in 3 months after a 5 year stent in prison. He moved in with me, upon his release in the beginning of 2007. I didnāt know that my life was about to change forever.
On May 23rd 2007(my birthday) was the first time he raped me. It wouldnāt be the last. In the years time I was with him, he had strangled me, one day as I lay sound asleep on the couch, he woke me holding a butcher knife to my neck telling me he wonāt rape me this time but has other things in mind. He has me focus my attention to the perfectly placed row of ātoolsā that lay in front of him. He cuts all my clothes off with the knife and then returns it to my neck. Tears, horror, thinking how much this will hurt and then realizing, I am about to be murdered. I prayed and didnāt say a word because thatās what he wanted. To hear the fear, see my fear, to see me struggle. To this day, I still canāt fully explain what happens next. Other than a miracle from a power greater than me. The monster in front of me was not human. What seemed like an eternity, staring into his solid black eyes & different facial features, then suddenly all was quiet. Everything was frozen if you will. As sudden as it happened, it ended the same. This part I can only explain as, whatever it was, was now gone. He looked like him again. He was horrified as he saw the butcher knife in his hand, seeing the scene before him and quickly realizing what he just did. He dropped the knife, and cried (the only time in the year I was with him) and hid in a corner of the room as I lay on the couch still frozen.
He never did that again, however, the monster never went away. Always a new tactic of abuse, physical, mental & sexual making it almost impossible to escape.
It would take me 3 months to methodically, and secretly figure the safest way out. Basically, pretending how in love I am with him and always accepting his apologies for the abuse.
Near the end of 2007, I had a routine gynecological appt. Him always watching my every move, drove me. I insisted he went into the exam with me as I wanted my Dr. & staff to see him. This was the day I was going to escape. And I did. Out the back door with the office manager who safely drives me to meeting point to unite me with my Mom. He waits in the lobby thinking Iām getting my blood drawn.
During that year I used drugs to numb. We used drugs together, as he always had them. Being a full blown addict, he knew I wouldnāt leave. The days I didnāt use, he drugged me. I never reported ANY of this. Afterall, who would believe an addict? Especially all that he had done.
Afterall, it comes with the territoryā¦right?
Afterall, why didnāt you just get out sooner?
And finallyā¦.I wanted to Live.
12 years are gone, but not forgotten. The darkness, that became my life. Although pain meds & alcohol were a thing in the past, my new best friend, Meth, became my drug of choice. I hung out with certain groups, but one day just decided to never return. I wasnāt ok with the things I was seeing and the criminal activity going on around me. I was fighting inside from the trauma that took my life away. So the last 4 years or so I solely kept to myself. My creativity came about while using. I had no idea I could do ANY of it. So drowning myself in writing, art, sewing, paper crafts and so on I functioned under the radar. It eventually got the best of me. I knew that the very demon inside was holding me back. This last 2 years was a complete rock bottom. Suicide attempts, started shooting up in my thighs, multiple trips to a psychiatric hospital. I kept going and the staff kept admitting me. Each time I became teachable, open minded, willing and took the steps to face my demon that changed me 12 years ago. This new approach gave me hope with a new attitude, strength and confidence I never thought I had.
Today, I can look at my past with clear eyes. I can see what I couldnāt see then. Feel what I couldnāt feel then. Love what I couldnāt love then. Taking suggestions and running with them on my own has been key. Before, I was always told you must do this or that to stay clean. It never worked because it was a daily reminder of being trapped & watched. Today I can see ALL of the remarkable lessons and great strengths I didnāt think I had 12 years ago. Today, I can finally say, 'I AM a survivor! I love myself and I am proud of all of my accomplishments. My story doesnāt end here!
If you made it this far in this novel of a bio, I commend you! Writing too much is a character defect I just canāt seem to conquer!
6 Likes
Ray just wanted to let you know ya in my heart and in my thoughts 
2 Likes
My name is Monic. Iāve been struggling with alcoholism for 4 years give or take. Iām currently 2 days sober. Iāve been down this road before. I used to drink alot. I was justifying that it was oh just a little bit. I would black out and still function. Come to not knowing how I ended back at home. I want to get out of this cycle. In the last few days I have managed to lose a few more friends because of my drunken behaviors. The only good side to this is that they drank too. This has helped me to focus on my sobriety. Iāve been sleeping a lot but trying to pull myself out of that.
4 Likes
Hi my name is Ruth and Iām a 27 year old female from Botswana currently studying in the UK.
I have been in the UK for 8months now and wow has it been a whirlwind of emotions, anxiety,drinking and stress! Who would have thought my 1st time overseas would result in lockdown and Covid-19!
I struggle with alcohol, I say this but truly donāt believe it! I know I need to make a change but I also believe Iām stronger than liqour and ask myself how am I letting it control me.
I refer to myself as a closet drinker. Drinking helps me get through my day. Iv had some traumer in my past which I used alcohol to help me cope, I work in a stressful family business which I drank to keep sane and now I believe Iām drinking simply because I have nothing else to do. I stay home drinking, watching Netflix and minding my own business. This has caused me to have so much anxiety to meet friends or go out the house. Iād rather just stay home and drink alone. I always have a bottle in the house and will sneak around to drink if I have guests.I donāt like the feeling of being drunk ,but just tipsy enough to be able to do all that my day needs me to do!
If you meet up with me iv properly had a bottle of wine already just to gain the confidence to socialize or even just go to class.
My 1st time sober lasted 28days (in April)and I got to a point where I got so frustrated that I couldnāt drink and it was all I thought about and it caused me more anxiety! I couldnāt even study for my exams cause I was in such a bad mood! But the positive side was that I lost weight and looked healthier!
I donāt see myself saying Iām a year sober as it sounds like Iām talking about a stranger but I think Iām going to take it 1 day at a time and see how far I go. I donāt know if I should do another 21 day sober calendar or will I get to 21 days and feel like iv achieved my goal and can have a drinkš¤·
Either way I appreciate this platform and look forward to all the support and this long journey ahead!
3 Likes
Iām Jess. Iāve been here before. I was doing ok. Drinking less and being good but Iāve had a massive fuck up. Nearly fell out with my new partner. So starting again. Day one. Feel awful and hating myself.
3 Likes
Hi Karen well doneā:tada: for putting yourself out there! Iāve only recently done it myself! It is liberating but can also seem daunting! Embrace all areas of help and support, itās a wonderful journey of self discovery and Iām only just starting out myself! But thereās a whole new life too live! You wonāt regret this, always here for a chat
Iām Steve, Iāve been lurking on the forum for a while now. I started drinking and drugs around 12 or 13 years old. Looking back at 42, there was no bigger negative influence on my life. It has colored and altered every part of my life since then, in a bad way.
Iāve been clean now almost 600 days, in large part because of this app and the people on it who share their stories. Life is not perfect, or any easier, but it is better than it was. Thanks for being here everyone. 
11 Likes
Hi, my name is Steve. Im Detroit and Iām an alcoholic drug addict on his first 5 days of recovery. Happy to not be alone in this. Much love and best of luck to everyone.
4 Likes
Hi Steve, welcome! š
1 Like
Thank you. It is so good to be here.
1 Like
Howās Detroit this morning? Do you have support up there or are you just trying to navigate it all rn, lol
Edit: I just saw your other thread. Iām glad youāre here and youāre doing whatever you have to do~!
1 Like
I do have some very supportive peeps in my corner and blessed to have them. Detroit is cold and overcast this morning. Still no snow and Iām okay with that. I have people checking in on me a couple times a day and get text of encouragement so I feel Iām surrounded by a great a caring team. Have a great day Donna.
1 Like