I went through the same thing about 8 years sober. I couldnt shake it. Nobody in my recovery support group co-signed my idea, so I quit talking about it.
The thought was still there, growing until I acted on it with nine years ten months continuous sobriety.
I thought I had it all figured out and that it would be really easy to quit again if my experiment failed.
I was wrong. It was hard to come back to recovery. It took nine years to surrender to recovery again. Its been way harder than I ever imagined it could be. Im lucky to be alive.
But is literally the definition of the 12th step. I do know of some groups who claim to be AA, but really are just a bastardized version of it. They act similar to what he is describing. Our local district took the extraordinary step of disaffiliating with the group because they would force members to stop taking their meds. A few people ended up committing suicide. The lawsuits then followed.
For every person who tried to suggest something, youād rather respond with a reason why its not worked for you, you may have not used for many years but you wonāt accept your life without the substance can be better. You canāt really say youāve given it your all at recovery when youāve given effort once or twice and because you donāt feel you can talk, you block that said pastā¦
Iāve sat there for over 10years knowing already how iāve always been an addict but believing to the core i was better on drugs.
I hope you find that inner peace where you open your eyes and notice that the aubstance will not help you.
I have been struggling with this for a long time. But online recovery is very different than f2f. Online is VERY open.
However, whenever I speak to my sponsor he tells me what I read here and elsewhere is wrong.
But maybe that means I need to stop talking to him. But I do wish I could talk to people about this IRL. My writing self, is my worst self. I get stuck. I feel alone.
I do not know why you say that. My life without drugs IS better. That is why I do not want to go back.
It is hard because I have been in recovery a long time and been clean for a long time. So, yes, a lot of suggestions will be stuff I have been through.
The best sponsor I had saw this sort of thing as a dialog, and I still subscribe to that. I think a lot of people expect that they can throw a suggestion down and that is all that is needed. I think 12-step programs encourage that. But the real work is talking through stuff, working it through.
A psychologist told me that studies show it is a strong relationship with a mentor in recovery that makes the difference. If you listen to people in meetings, they seem to confirm it. It is their relationship with a sponsor or friend that gets credited with their recovery more than any specific suggestion.
I started this thread asking about such relationships, but people are making suggestions that do not get to the core of that. And because it is easy for me to swat at that stuff I do.
Because you are acting as if you have power over addiction.
I was at a meeting where each person (but me) in the round robin said you cannot help someone craving. One person did say that you could try to help if you did it as a team of two or more.
I have a dear friend in real life that is such a mentor for me and I am for her in some way. We met in therapy 4 years ago. Although we are only in contact by phone we can really talk about everything. I am very grateful to have her.
Its ok to get another sponsor. I go to 12 step recovery. I dont really like the term sponsor.
I like mentor better. Someone who has experience that you dont. Even if you never ask them to be your sponsor you can still talk about issues. It requires going to meetings and getting to know people better.
Its ok to outgrow a sponsor.
Iāve seen so many people stay sober for a year, work the steps with their sponsor and raise their hands when meetings ask if there is anyone here with those requirements willing to sponsor? They are still sick in so many other ways, but they can help people not drink.
Sometimes its extremely unhealthy people. If you were new than you wouldnāt know this. If your new you keep hearing get a sponsor. So you might accidentally pick someone who is still a disaster in every other aspect of their live. They are improving though.
Youāve been clean for a while. Youāve heard the basics a million times. You need someone who understands where your at.
Iāve gone through a couple of sponsors since Iāve been back. Im currently sponsorless but Id like to have one. I just need to find someone qualified.
Its good to be back. Im glad your here talking about this.
The minute I picked up again I 100 percent alienated myself from recovery. I became obsessed with making it work again. Every rule I made for myself was shattered repeatedly. I persued it to the gates of insanity and came close to death a couple of times.
Smaller amounts of continuous recovery meant shit to me. 30 days? Pffft! 60? whateverā¦ 90? PFFFFT! who gives a fuck!..
That was one of the biggest obstacles I created for myself that I did not anticipate while I was justifying all the reasons getting loaded was a good idea.
I had a number of sponsors. But no one ever explained how the program is supposed to work,so I am not so sure I get the ābasics.ā For example, I had a number of sponsors who I thought fired me because no one ever explained that sponsors are not supposed to call sponsees.
I have to admit I never did get the point of meetings. I went because I thought it was good for me, even though they made me feel hopeless and alone. But I wish I could have asked someone why I was there.
I tried to follow suggestions, but too many would have been financially disastrous, so I would not do them. And too many were just assumed. One sponsor screamed at me when I was going on a trip. I did not find out till years later that in AA you were not supposed to go somewhere if you did not know people there in the program. (I still do not know what this is a thing.)
I do not think sponsorship is a great idea. When someone has that much power over your life it is an invitation to abuseā¦
You need to find a wider variety of meetings friend. Iāve been to meetings and conferences all over place and what youāre describing is not the AA most people know. Sponsors donāt tell you how to live your life, they are to take you through the book. You keep saying that your sponsor tells you that helping people is trying to control them. Yet your sponsor wants you to quit your job. Your sponsor is either a hypocrite or an idiot because he is trying to control you.