There’s your answer.
Its not going to be any different now.
Have you ever been to a convention? or a summer camp out? Even if you don’t stay and camp the fireside meetings are powerful. At conventions the recovery countdowns are powerful. There’s usually workshops on many different topics. Id like to go to one this summer.
I find alot of things about the program unattractive, yet there’s a lot about it I find attractive. Thats what I seek when I go.
I have been to a lot of meetings in a lot of groups over the last two decades. Maybe individually people are more varied–they certainly are online. But groups seem pretty consistent.
When I say my sponsor, he is really one of my ex-sponsors, but I am still in touch. I agree that he and the others are indeed hypocritical and controlling. And some of them have been idiots. I think it may be part of what attracts people to be sponsors. They feel powerless in their lives and this is a chance to control another person.
No, I have not been to any of those things.
It is hard enough to deal with feeling alone and hopeless in an hour long meeting–but at least after an hour you can leave. I would not want to commit to any longer time.
About what?
I really don’t understand.
I tried a program a bunch of times and didn’t think it would work, like you. I don’t think it necessary to keep trying to convice you that honesty and friendship is a good thing.
I feel for you that you haven’t met the right folks yet, but don’t say no to the future.
I got sober in a bigger city the first time. SLC Utah. There were hundreds of meetings. It was easy to switch em up. If I got bored or had a resentment towards another member in one. I could pick from many different ones at the same time.
Now I live in a small town and I don’t have that luxury. There’s two meetings a week and they start before I get off work 90 percent of the time. They’ve been my homegroup for 17 years. Since I was 18 months clean and sober when I moved here, before I relapsed.
Its a small group. 25 people tops. 10 of those rarely miss the meeting. Of those ten they have between 4 and 40 years.
I had heard them all share a thousand times. I got to a place where I wasn’t hearing anything new. I had done business with the guy that had the most time and everyone idolized. He was/is a piece of shit. He is dishonest.
He cracked some comment when I was trying to comeback, about slapping a newcomer upside the head. It triggered me. I didnt say anything, but I was ready to fight… I didnt last long at that attempt because of me. Not because of him.
I still carry that resentment. I was able to go to a meeting the other night. First one in a while. Guess who was there? I almost didnt go, but I decided to go anyways. It was really nice to see everyone else. I got real hugs from others in the group who are awesome.
I thought about punching him in the face. It made me laugh.
It was a good meeting. Im glad I didnt let me, let him stop me from going.
I love it here because its convenient and easy! It works too! I got sober this time with the support I found here. Im glad your here! I had to work through my self inflicted obstacles about the program.
We have to make it into something that works for us.
The basics of the program are the steps. I focus on the principles behind the steps.
I believe in honesty and friendship. But I think the program makes both difficult. After 20 years going to meetings, I do not have a lot of hope of suddenly meeting “the right people.”
About what was going on with me and about having urges to use. I never had a sponsor other than him who would allow that.
For me 25 is a large meeting. I am in south Florida, and there are a number of meetings. And I have been to plenty of them.
When you say support, what do you mean?
Re-reading what you wrote really explains it.
I know 12-steps are great when you get to the other side. But when you are struggling I think you need support even more.
Finding it is the difficulty.
people in my corner rooting for me. Helping me. I found this place about sixty days sober, started sharing, got support, I relapsed for a couple days with seven months and got huge support helping me keep it short.
Its been part of my daily recovery routine for 19 months of continuous recovery. Due to Covid and my work its been 90 percent of my support.
When im stepping into challenging situations I share about them here before I start, and I get the support I need to make it.
The program has helped me too. Last summer. The program helped me. I asked a guy I thought was qualified to be my sponsor. He proved otherwise. But the work I did with him helped me stay sober while cleaning up some wreckage of the past in SLC Utah way out of my comfort zone.
I find forums like this too impersonal. Face to face or on the phone is different.
And I guess it means more if someone knows you.
Ya the other night when I got real hugs. cyberhugs are cool! The real thing is way better.
Do you feel like people in meetings really know you?
Hi… I hope the obsession to use passes. It’s an obsessive thought. Just a thought. You don’t have to act on it. you have a choice today, other addicts don’t have that choice and are in active addiction. 
How many more weeks will I have this thought? And will I be able to keep it at bay?
What is going on with you?
Mate I can’t answer that. Only you. Of what I understand is freedom of relief comes from working the steps… praying to a higher power of your understanding…you put up a lot of brick walls mate,what’s happened to your openness and open mindedness?..
Ive allowed a few of them to really know me. Some I don’t interact with outside the meeting. Others I’ve let further in than others. anyone Ive had as a mentor/sponsor gets in further. I’ve had a lot of good mentors.
Other people filter through their own wounds too. One of my mentors has been kind of stand offish. We talked and he told me he has been scared to get close again because he thought I was going to die while I was in relapse mode. I never would have thought about that. I thought he was judging me.
Wow. . An experience your mentor is working through and maybe he will work things differently for another sponsee…the experiences we have as addicts are a gift in a way…