I saw this post from a therapist I follow on Instagram called Julie Menanno and really appreciated reading it. She frames it primarily in terms of relationships but I think it’s applicable more broadly, and we know that staying sober is just a first step that allows us to work on other areas of our life, including conflicts with others. In recovery we might be confronting or even discovering issues we had avoided dealing with for many years, at times.
I’ll post screenshots below, but just as a reminder, IG and other social media posts and the resources they offer can be helpful to start thinking about things in your life and experience, but they are not replacements for help from a professional therapist/counselor/etc.
Thanks for this. I was just coming on here to muse about how damn sensitive I am to my husband’s facial expressions. Every grimace, roll of eyes, sigh bothers me so much. I feel so totally rejected every time. I was wishing that I wasn’t so weak and bothered by them. Maybe that is the wrong thing to wish. Maybe it is OK to be bothered by them, and I have to start sitting with them.
I’m glad it offered some good for thought. Lots for me as well. I especially appreciated the last couple sections in terms of analyzing vs. over-thinking and when to let go vs. when it’s an avoidant behavior. I really need to look at those for myself.
This is all awesomeness. I view triggers as a major strengthening exercise. So many I hear avoid triggers, are genuinely afraid of “being triggered”. But every time you successfully navigate through a trigger you are making the new neural pathway stronger, clearer, and lesening your “trigeredness” the next time. It IS ok to be triggered, use your tools and dominate that trigger!
I am so glad you commented because this is so true. I think when people talk about the importance of avoiding triggers it is intended for folks who are in very early recovery who haven’t learned about coping skills. That’s a dangerous spot to be in, for sure, and it can take baby steps to build those skills, but triggers will happen sometimes seemingly out of nowhere. That’s why it’s so important for people choosing to be clean and sober to look at other ways to cope as soon as possible.
I have to say that I’ve had moments where I got through something really triggering emotionally and came out the other side feeling pretty dang proud of myself!
Just stumbled upon this as I was thinking about trigger and its meaning. Was thinking how during drinking everything was a trigger, so an well established reflex upon a problem, issue, thing, thought, breathe everything happening around and inside me.
And now, some lessons learnt later, I ask myself what is setting this in motion now. And I feel like it’s more of a thought I entertain from time to time, going back in history and playing the tape through. And then there are memories I still like to remember as milestones of handling difficulties better. When my landlord back at that time called me being a narcissist and other things on the phone. The call didn’t turn out to be a good one and I sat there, destroyed and hurt and shocked and instead of going right to the gas station and buying a bottle of wine I called a friend and talked about what happened. If this is really what happened, I don’t know, I didn’t drink which is certain and the phone calls happen. That’s something I like to keep in mind as: ahhhh, shit can rain on me and I don’t have to drink.
Hurrah! I have felt motivated or inspired (not triggered) to say something on this topic, and I think your OP does it better and more helpfully than I would have.
For instance: When someone blames “being triggered” for something they do or did in response to whatever “trigger”, it makes me think they should reclaim their own locus of control and take responsibility for their responses and actions, instead of shifting blame to external causes.
I’m glad you found the thread and thanks for commenting. It helped remind me of this for myself, as well, and hopefully may also help other newer members by bumping up this thread.
@Kipper Mike I thought you might be interested in this thread after reading your check in. Hang in there and sit with that discomfort, you can get through it. It’s really good to read that you’re practicing self-awareness and not acting on impulse.
and I sat there, destroyed and hurt and shocked and instead of going right to the gas station and buying a bottle of wine I called a friend and talked about what happened. If this is really what happened, I don’t know, I didn’t drink which is certain and the phone calls happen. That’s something I like to keep in mind as: ahhhh, shit can rain on me and I don’t have to drink.