Doing well love…working on healing …just finished a 0.5 hr meditation/prayer and a castor oil massage. Lying down for a bit and then will have coffee… nothing planned per se…just going with the flow.
Love your plans for the day - hope you and your son enjoy your afternoon together 
1 Like
I tried to start work early, but instead, I had to change a tire. But at least it didn’t cut into my day too much
1 Like
Oh dear, at least you could fix it. Hope you are safe on the road now and your day is going smoothly 
1 Like
That sounds sooo relaxing
1 Like
I went having ice cream as a treat after dinner with my 2 boys. Husband is not home these days because we are moving mid of August into a house that we bought in the beginning of the year. Hubby is doing a loooot himself there. I’m Forever grateful that he does so much so that we can save on enormous costs. I’m just feeling so lonely most of the time of the week…
Kids were happy for ice cream. I had some too. We cycled there and back. It was nice to see the sunset sober. Then brought them to bed and while I was lying next to them I just got so sad that they are growing up so quickly… Then I thought to myself that noone except them and husband would really miss me if I was gone. Of course my siblings, parents etc… I got so sad to get these thoughts and I felt so lonely because noone knows what I’m going through… Sometimes I wish I could talk to my sister. We once were so close but that’s gone for a long time. She is very judgemental and would never understand if I told her about my addiction… The only one knowing about it is my husband and he kinda does not believe that I’m not picking up again… So Many day 1s he saw me having already…
god this post was long now. I shouldn’t be sad, I’m glad at least I’m in bed sober now. Safe place. Good night everyone
6 Likes
it has been a relaxing day - got some house work done (bathrooms really needed a scrubbing) - replanted some plants and just aired out the house. running some errands with mom now and then will do some more mediatation.
i am so glad that you were able to get out on a bike ride with kids and have some fun and some ice cream (love ice cream on sunny days - actually i love ice cream all year round but especially something special on sunny days).
I am so sorry that you are feeling alone with this addiction. its our guilt / shame and loneliness that allows the emptiness inside to grow and swallow us up whole when we least expect it. Glad you are going to bed sober and hopefully you will start the day off with a meeting. I know i’m just a stranger on the internet but let me tell you - I would miss YOU if you were gone. the disease (addiction) creates isolation. You are in charge of your own destiny. You may have many day 1’s but that is also because you keep pushing to get better – i do hope that with support and extra will power (more distractions) - whatever your drive may be – you can kick this bitch straight in the teeth. I’ve done so and never thought i’d be at 6+ months – you can too…much love my friend - we have got you - you are not alone and you are loved!!!
2 Likes
I think it’s pretty normal to feel lonely in our addiction. We had to lie to make it work. I had to make excuses to leave early to be home before the supermarkets closed. All these little lies got me so far away from other people that I was only ashamed in the end. Being a failure not being allowed to be sad because in principle I had so much. But I was blind to this back then.
Although maybe your family doesn’t understand your situation at the moment and maybe never will there are people here or in your home groups that understand very well what you are going through.
And your husband has his experiences as well and I think there might be some trust to be rebuilt which will only come when you keep on working on your sobriety.
Just know that you are not alone in this.
And also personally I think that all the people you mentioned that would miss you are a lot and so important people!
3 Likes
It’s ok to feel sad and lonely. I had a fair bit of sadness early on, turns out I was grieving the loss of my “friend”, alcohol. I had to feel that, to let it be real.
I can relate to needing to break up my day with a midday or early evening meeting. I still start 3 days a week with an early morning meeting. I also re-thought 24 hours, it was really 24-8 for sleep -8 for work -2 for a meeting -2 for commuting, left me with 4 hours a day to manage. And I felt like I could do that much easier than a whole 24 hours.
5 Likes
@SinceIAwoke @anon74766472 @JazzyS @KevinesKay thank you all so much. Your answers are gold to me. They are full of wisdom and hope. I love you guys!!!
I started my day with an early morning meeting and even shared, told them I’m always coming back and completing day 3 tonight it’s good to share and it’s even better to hear the people’s stories. I went then to the noon meeting as well. In every meeting I see at least 3 familiar faces. It’s amazing. And I feel much better today. Going to meetings is the best thing In my day ATM (besides cuddling my kids and going to bed sober)
You all have a great day
6 Likes
Hi again, just stuffed myself with a lot of chocolate. god I think this was my dinner. I’m terrified to gain wait because I don’t drink anymore… But I know alcohol has lots of calories… So rather eating chocolate and sweets than taking in this horrible poison… Now off to a parents teacher meeting. Love busy days. Not much time of giving place to the thoughts of alcohol.
My mom told me that in 2 weeks time they are making a big family dinner. I hate to think of it and I’m not thinking of it now… At least it’s during the week which makes it easier to say no to alcohol. I will worry when the day comes…
4 Likes
Or you could be busy for family dinner. Things come up unexpectedly. I cancelled quite a few plans early in my sobriety because my emotions were a bit too unpredictable for gatherings. If it feels wrong, sit it out. It is your choice with how forthcoming you will be about this. Maybe you have other plans/catch a cold/need to focus on your sobriety. Do what is best for you. 
1 Like
So Back from the parents teacher thing. I stayed and talked a bit to a mom. Stupid cravings. She said in 2 weeks she and a friend go to the Italian week. And if I want to come. Of course I’m not going. There will be wine all over the place. No no no. I can’t. I just didn’t say anything but I got sad… Sad that I can not do all of these things anymore. But knowing I don’t want becaue I know how I will feel after and I know that I just don’t want this life anymore. Now safe at home. Going to bed and knowing that all will be fine tomorrow but looking ahead of my life I just get sad that my drinking became so out of hand that I can’t join these events anymore. Do you guys know what I mean???
6 Likes
Totally know what you mean Julia – it is harsh to envision a life without alcohol (especially since it is so well romanticized in everything). You are super early in your recovery and do not need to stress about the “never” being able to partake in these events. I don’t believe in the word “never”
Right now you need to work on your recovery at all costs - protect it with every ounce of your being. Don’t go to that family gathering (like @TrustyBird mentioned you could come down with a cold) and do not do partake in the Italian week this time around. This will not be the case forever - once you have some good sobriety time under your belt and feel strong and confident then you can do whatever the hell you choose do do and you will do it sober and enjoy it more than anyone else around!
Just for now you want to stay clear of situations that could be triggering or ones where you feel like you are missing out. You really are not missing out - you are becoming healthier and have so many non alcoholic options to choose from.
I hope i just didn’t ramble on and actually made sense… Just don’t want you to be sad. SO much more to life without alcohol - you will see
congrats to another day sober - sweet slumber! 
3 Likes
I know you feel bad, but what a great choice you made to support your decision to remain sober. And to demonstrate that you’re a person of value. And that you want and deserve a better life. No vacation, trip, or adventure is worth it if you wind up drinking again.
I chose not to give myself permission to look at women. For instance, I don’t go on Sober Selfies. And in real life, I keep people in my peripheral vision. Because, for me, it’s not worth it if the looking turns into lusting. I’m not depriving myself. I’m demonstrating that I’m a person of value. And I’m embracing reality because it’s easier for me to see women when I don’t look at them; a whole lot easier.
No amount of freedom is worth risking my sobriety. Because using our DOC’S are prisons. They have been cruel, horrible, merciless masters; never filling a void; just simply compelling us to want more. Meanwhile, life passes us by while we subconsciously choose to partake in our drug instead of living life to the fullest.
Sobriety is wonderful. It’s worth every penny, every minute, every vacation, every experience, that I’ve had to fork over to obtain it.
3 Likes
Wonderfully said! I hope you are having a beautiful day!
3 Likes
My day is going good so far. On day 4 again . Had to go to a doctor’s appointment with my older son today which took the whole morning. While he was waiting I went to grab a coffee at this shop on the other side of the street. It called my attention because it said: sugar free. Alcohol free etc…it was one of these fancy healthy lifestyle stores. I was like wow there’s a store where you actually can not buy any alcohol? I got a cappuccino and while I was waiting there the person who worked asked me if I want to grab these health shot boosts (Lemon ginger boost) for free because they are expiring? I was so happy. It made my day 
so instead of sipping on my usual wine whatever thing I will try this today. Yaaaay to alcohol free drinks
6 Likes
Ending my day 4 with a big book study meeting. Just loved loved loved it!!! I didn’t want to attend because I am so tired and I have a headache but I forced myself. It was an online meeting and we were only 6. 2people I knew. So I had the courage to even share twice. It felt good. I am at peace tonight. Good night everyone
4 Likes
So impressed with you pushing yourself and joining the meeting - and even sharing in the meeting! So thrilled for your ongoing success with your sobriety. Keep up with your support group and all your hard work.
about to fall asleep now but wanted to say good night / morning to you - Happy Friday my friend!
2 Likes
It’s Friday! I’m going to my Simple Steps meeting tonight (formerly Reformers Unanimous).
But I’m off to work first. Hoping to make lots and lots of money today.
Happy Happy Friday!!!
Julia, this is your chance. Make us proud! Let’s make this weekend a happy, sober one.
2 Likes
Love your post. Just loving it!!! Did my noon meeting. Feeling stable. Bathing my son now then having burgers for dinner and off to bed tonight it will be 5 days sober there are quick small moments now at night where I miss it. But thinking of tomorrow and my clear head and everything.
Kevin you are such a good friend. Thank you so much. Have a beautiful Friday
3 Likes