I’ve been on this same wheel for 2 years…went to detox…came out started up again…went in for 3 days a second time and just decided to continue lying to everyone that I was sober until I had a blackout Friday night. I’m exhausted, ashamed and defeated. The anxiety I have is overwhelming and makes me want to pick up to ease it for a minute for there’s no way I can continue with this…very angry with myself and to be honest im angry I can’t drink anymore, it’s been my best friend and worst enemy for what feel like my whole life.
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Pretty sure it is the enemy to most once it gets to that place. You know the place…I’d recommend going into an ladies Oxford home away from your usual stomping area and living/breathing recovery with others.
My rehab was 90 days long and I am glad. I’m on a monitoring program that is needed and warranted for the work I do. Anything less than that for me I would have been back out.
I needed something f-n drastic to get me out of the cycle. When we’re done, we’re done.
You deserve a life free from the pain. Hugs
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You are absolutely not alone in all that you are experiencing. It’s challenging to get sober but there is a ton of support out there to help you. Outside of detox, what are you doing to get sober? I’m so glad you are here. This is a great community.
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If you stop drinking you’ll learn to tell the truth
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Write a breakup letter to alcohol. Write it like it’s the end of a toxic relationship. Write how this thing has hurt you in so many ways and how you want change and a life without the toxic relationship.
It helped me. That’s just one thing of a laundry list of other things you should do.
You are going to get a bunch of great advice. But advice only works if you use it.
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Welcome. You need to be done. You need to want to change more than you want to still drink. When you’re there, have a look at what helped others and DO these things:
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I am…I actually need to follow through though I have a bad tendency of just thinking I’m fine…the spiral
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I’m trying to figure out what I need to stay sober…I’m terrible at meetings in person I shut down…I think chatting from a far for now might help me ease into being able to speak in real life about it. I get so anxious I’ve been to a million meetings and have never spoken.
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For me this place has been my salvation. Been here every day for three years and a bit now. I had big troubles at in person meetings, just like you. Not saying this place will work for you but you might give it a try… I have slowly learnt to function better in real-life-groups too, but it’s a slow progress… And it started with being here daily and communicating. One day at a time. I’m glad you’re here Katie, for we can’t do it alone, I am absolutely sure of that, and a place like this is just as valid and worthy as in person meetings, I am convinced of that, I am a living example of it. Welcome and success!
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- The Big Book, AA’s Big Book, states: Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. My addiction kept coming up with reasons not to follow the AA way. The alcoholic voice kept saying, you do not need meetings, you do not need a sponsor, you do not need to learn the steps, you do not need to go out of your comfort zone. I had more dont’s, cannot’s, and wont’s and I almost died. It was not until I acted as if recovery could work against all the reason it couldn’t i did not stand a chance. Eventually when I started to follow what others had done, against the alcoholic little voice, I got days under my belt. But that is just me, it may not work for others?
It can be very hard for people to go to
Meetings so I applaud you for trying. This community really is great. Keep in mind zoom meetings. If you can make one or two sober friends locally, that will help tremendously. I’m so glad you are here. You deserve more and better than what alcohol can provide you.
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