Hello everyone. I’m moving my recovery journal to this topic for a couple of reasons. One, to coincide with the rules of the forum; to keep posts within the appropriate topic. You can find my initial posts here.
Continuing the discussion from Pornography and masturbation addict:
Two, responding to topic labeled porn and MB addict doesn’t suit my purpose here. Because I want to focus my on recovery and less on the addiction. And I want to embrace our similarities, not our differences.
Let me share some some further background info on me.
My addiction not only takes the form of sexual fantasies compulsive masturbation, and pornography, but also going to xxx bookstores, peepshow booths, strip joints, using street prostitutes, escorts, massage parlors, indecent liberties, and vojeurism. That’s a long list, and I had done all of these things by the time I was 23. I’m 46 now.
I’ve failed through college, I’ve lost a job, I’ve Trainwrecked a marriage, and I’ve gotten arrested (for solicitation July 2004).
I’ve been acting out sexually as early as 3 years old
It’s been a long road for me.
For much of my life pornographic sex has been my savior, my reason for living. I didn’t understand that it was not real. I thought that’s what women wanted. I was tricked and confused.
So moving forward to a different life is challenging. Like stepping out of the matrix. And I have to find a new way to cope. Another way to take care of myself. Let me share my to-do list
Pray with wife. 1
Read with girls.
Every day I keep track of the things that are important to my well being. 29 points is so so. I should be at least in the mid 40s. Each week I intend to share how well I’ve taken care of myself by sharing this list. It may change over time, but the concept will always be there. This is a very accurate way of measuring my progress and recovery. Actually more accurate than my sobriety. Had a good start today. So I’m hoping that next week’s score will be better. Thanks.