Kevin's accountability log

Life in Recovery
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208

Thanks @TheJK.

I do see what you mean. I have grown a lot over the years.

I’m glad I didn’t act out. Crossing my boundaries was a very bad choice. For me strength comes when I set a path and stick to it. I strayed off. And if I continue to do so I will end up back on day 1.

I’m glad to embrace my weakness. From understanding that, it compels me to keep reaching out for help. I cannot do this alone. Some members get a little bothered when i declare my weakness. They prefer to see it differently, that I’m strong enough to admit weakness and reach out for help. Either way, what’s important is that we do what’s right for ourselves. And I think I’ve found a good path.

To be honest, without the help and support of this forum, I would not have made it this far. Not even close. Very grateful for all of the members here.

And congratulations on 141 days, wow! That’s so awesome. don’t stop. Trust me, it’s really hard to pick myself up after a relapse.

And thanks for your inspiration and your great encouraging words @TheJK. You’re turning into a great friend.

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209

Thanks for this. Encouraged me to stay sober today. Hope you’re well today!

210

Hey Jesse,

Welcome to my thread.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted here.

Yeah, I get cravings regularly. can’t relate to those that say they haven’t had cravings in months. Going to get a copy if This Naked Mind and read it. Maybe Allen Carr’s book too. I want to find a better way to intrinsically motivate myself to stay sober.

I’m guilty of still romanticizing sexual acting out. can’t recall a day since I’ve not done that at all.

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211

To-Do list

Prayer
Bible
Worship
Floss Teeth 1
Clean
Workout
Family 1
Forum 1
Outreach 1
Job Search
App
Wife

Total = 4

Love Challenge

Tell wife I love her 1

Give compliment 1

Avoid negative 1

Unexpected kind

Call from work

Special greet 1

Pray w/ her

Total = 4

Well, there it is. Nothing special. Goal is still 6 points for both the to-do list and love challenge each day.

This has been an effective tool for me over the years. I’ll mention it again. We all have different paths. What’s worked for me may not necessarily work for others and vice versa.

After 10 years of struggling with chronic relapsing in SAA, in a whim, I brought out a to-do list in my meeting promising that I would hold myself accountable to them for doing positive behaviors in my life. Sure enough, my outlook on life completely changed. Sobriety became easier. For me, this works.

And my wife sees change when I do this too. One of my desires; to incorporate the relationship with my wife into my recovery. So it’s back. Let me explain the items in more detail in my next post.

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212

Prayer - taking at least 10 minutes out of my day in prayer. No interruptions. And I’ll give myself 1 point for that.

Bible - Reading at least 4 chapters in a day will earn me a point.

Worship - taking my guitar and singing in worship to God for at least 10 minutes will earn me 1 point.

Floss Teeth - Flossing my teeth in the morning will earn me 1 point. Flossing them again at night will earn me a 2nd point.

Clean - Doing at least 2 chores in the house will earn me 1 point.

Exercise - At least 30 minutes of exercise in any form will earn me 2 points.

Family - Spending quality time with my family will earn me 1 point.

Forum - Checking in on TS will earn me 1 point.

Outreach - This involves either going to a CR meeting, church, or calling a phone buddy. This will earn me 1 point. I’ll explain the process of phone buddy in another post. It will involve some of you. :grinning:

Job Search - Spending 30 minutes doing a job search will earn me 1 point.

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213

Whoops. Hit the reply button early. Let’s continue.

App - I have a desire to create an app. Its a self control app for those struggling with internet and porn addiction. It would work like so:

It would be called XDelay.

The idea would be that if I wanted to access a particular app that’s restricted on my phone, then I would have to undergo a waiting period ranging from 1 hour to 1 week. Plus, it would send a message to my accountability.

Problem is I’m weak in the area of app development. I have started the learning process. I have Android Studio on my computer. This would be a longterm goal project. And I don’t have a lot of time to devote to this yet. But it is a dream of mine. Spending 30 minutes working on this project would earn me 1 point.

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214

The last item on my to-do list is wife.

This is where the love challenge comes in. 6 points from the love challenge will earn me 1 point.

Being that I’m sexually anorexic with my wife, if I’m actually intimate with her, I will actually earn 2 points regardless of how many points I earn on the love challenge.

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215

Just like to say Kevin that anyone can see that you work hard at this mate. I know it’s rough for you. And to let you know you have my full support. I often think about how you are doing.
I guess I can appreciate where you are with my own problems in this area.
Thanks for sharing your Journey with us.

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216

I love this, man! You’re commitment to sobriety and to your wife is truly inspirational!

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217

Kevin - I have a question… what governs what goes on your To-do list?

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218

That’s a good question, Dresden

My boundaries also include the outer circle, healthy behaviors that I determine are good for me, for growth and coping mechanisms.

From these items in my outer circle, I use the to-do list as an action plan to put the outer circle behaviors into practice.

Also, if I want to achieve a certain goal, such as bench press 250 lbs, I’ve incorporated to-do list behaviours to help achieve that particular goal in the past.

I determine ultimately what is in my outer circle and what goes on my to-do list. It is an effort to steer my life in a different, better direction. Sometimes, I may need to make adjustments depending on life changes.

For me, its one thing to say I love myself, I love God, I love my wife

It’s another to actually demonstrate such in my life.

I’m realizing now that for the past 6 months, my recovery program has consisted solely of having good boundaries and being on TS a lot.

And to me, that seems a bit unbalanced. My recovery should involve many facets that include my wife, God, friendships, etc. The to-do list also steers me to a more balanced life.

When I’ve done this practice before, I’ve noticed that I crave less, significantly less. Ultimately, I have to choose my path. I have to decide what’s right for @KevinesKay.

I think I know a lot more about what I need than when I first started this journey 25 years ago.

And I’ll mention it again. we’re all different. Just because this works for me doesn’t mean it will work for others. And if others decide to make something similar, it will most likely have a lot of differences.

219

To-Do list

Prayer 1
Bible 1
Worship
Floss Teeth 1
Clean
Exercise
Family 1
Forum 1
Outreach
Job Search
App
Wife 2

Love Challenge

Tell wife I love her 1

Give compliment 1

Avoid negative 1

Unexpected kind

Call from work 1

Special greet

Pray w/ her 1

To-do list points 7
Love Challenge points 5

220

Thankyou. This didnt answer my question at all. I understand what your to-do list is, how it benefits you and what the inner and outer circle is.

You dont have to answer me, friend, just as long as it works for you.

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221

I am wanting to extend the invitation to those men that live in the US if they would be interested in being on my list of phone buddies.

What it entails is that I contact at least one of you each day to share how my day is going. We encourage one another and many times end in a short period of prayer.

@jnd. I’m going to assume you want to be on that list and will be providing you my phone number.

But I’m also reaching out to @Zero_X, @DungeonMaster, and @Mtrav0040. Would any of you be willing?

This is an extended invitation to all the men on TS. If you’re interested in being one of my phone buddies, I will include you.

It’s been awhile since I’ve done this practice. In my experience, a good phone Buddy is hard to find. Usually, for me, it takes about 10 candidates before I can find one that can be committed to answering their phone or calling me back.:rofl:

I have some old phone buddies that I haven’t talked to in awhile. Some of them are addicts.

I won’t be surprised if this adds a few more members on TS.

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222

You mentioned worship. I also play the guitar. I don’t do it enough, but I like to play some christian songs and sing along on my guitar. I was wondering what some of your favorite worship artists are? I like mostly contemporary stuff. I don’t want to get off topic on this thread. You can message me if you’d like to continue the conversation there.

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@anon36296096,

It’s been too long since I’ve picked my guitar and sang to God. I bet we have very similar tastes in music. I have a bunch of worship songs that I can play and sing to

Rich Mullins
Keith Green
Hillsong
Mercy Me
Michael W Smith
Twila Paris

Just to name a few.

And I would encourage such discussion on this thread. Definitely not off topic. Outer circles behaviors are a HUGE component in our recovery.

Hoping that we’ll both choose to pick up our guitars more often.

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224

To-Do list

Prayer
Bible 1
Worship
Floss Teeth
Clean
Exercise
Family 1
Forum 1
Outreach 1
Job Search
App
Wife 2

Love Challenge

Tell wife I love her 1

Give compliment 1

Avoid negative 1

Unexpected kind 1

Call from work

Special greet

Pray w/ her

To-do list points 6
Love challenge points 4

Posting this everyday is looking to be more beneficial than once a week. I know it seems monotonous, but oftentimes, I’ve been guilty of slacking off in the middle of the week and then squeezing in a huge number of items at the end of the week to save face. This seems more consistent and balanced.

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225

I like hillsong and mercy me as well. I also like Matthew West, Counting Crowns, Newsboys, Hawk Nelson. To name a few. Yea, I’m definitely due for a jam session. Maybe this weekend.

1 Like
226

To-Do list

Prayer 1
Bible 1
Worship
Floss Teeth 1
Clean
Exercise
Family
Forum 1
Outreach
Job Search
App
Wife

Love Challenge

Tell wife I love her 1

Give compliment

Avoid negative 1

Unexpected kind

Call from work 1

Special greet

Pray w/ her

To-do list points 4
Love Challenge points 3

Just so everyone knows, I got out of work at my 2nd job at 10:30pm.

Didn’t get home until 11:45pm.

So I got to myself a little slack.

Today’s not much different. Worked all day, mostly with my wife. Immediately drove my son to work afterwards. Almost 11:30pm now. Maybe I can get some behaviors going before bed.

Thanks everyone.

4 Likes
227

To-Do list

Prayer 1
Bible 1
Worship
Floss Teeth 1
Clean
Exercise
Family 1
Forum 1
Outreach
Job Search
App
Wife 1

Love Challenge

Tell wife I love her 1

Give compliment 1

Avoid negative 1

Unexpected kind 1

Call from work 1

Special greet 1

Pray w/ her 1

And yes, I did.

To-do list points 6
Love challenge points 7

Got some stuff done before I went to sleep.

2 Likes