Chapter 6 brings up another liminal point; an attempt to speak to the unconscious mind. Challenging the idea that alcohol tastes good, it defines it as the same stuff as ethanol; fuel used to run cars.
And it tastes awful. Too much consumption will kill you.
The alcoholic industry puts a lot of additives to mask the bitter taste to make it more tolerable. But it still tastes bad. Drink too much, and your body will throw it up.
But over time, the alcoholic learns to get used to the taste. So when he/she says, “I like the taste,” it’s a result of them conditioning themselves to like the taste of something that pretty much tastes nasty.
Most of you here know that I’m not a drinker. Neither is my wife. I’ve never been drunk. And I don’t have a desire to because I don’t desire acting like a complete idiot. However, it must feel good to get drunk because a lot of people do it. If it didn’t feel good, they wouldn’t do it. Actions speak louder than words.
But it’s still true that alcohol does NOT taste good.
So this is how I relate this chapter to my addiction.
I’ve fallen into the lie that porn is glamorous; that it and the sex it depicts “tastes” good.
And I admit, acting out gives me a narcotic experience; 10 times better than anything I’ve ever felt. Of course, I always feel like crap after I use.
A few years ago, I took an significant amount of time reading and viewing eyewitness accounts of people in the sex industry. And to hear all the stories of women being trafficked, emotionally and physically abused, being exposed to STDs. They were not doing this for the “taste” of it.
And the sex industry works very hard to package this product into something that looks glamorous and appealing.
Still, no matter how it’s packaged, many see it as disgusting, tasteless, gross, unappealing, full of violence and brutality.
In the same way that I’m turned off by alcohol, others are turned off by porn.
I do admit that that there has been a degenerative and desensitization process in my life when it comes to my sexual acting out. At age 3, my fantasies were not the same as today. My acting out evolved. From fantasies, to lusting at pictures, to masturbation, to viewing hardcore porn, to using strip joints, to phone sex, to massage parlors, to picking up streetwalkers.
And I have to accept that others simply don’t find sex with a dirty crack whore appealing.
As I naturally find alcohol bitter and unappealing, others view my addiction the same way.
Is it conceivable that my desire and taste for porn and the sex that it depicts is something that I’ve acquired and not natural?
