To-Do list Sat 11/16
Prayer 1
Bible 1
Worship
Floss Teeth 1
Clean
Exercise
Family 1
Forum 1
Outreach
Job Search
App
Wife
Love Challenge
Tell wife I love her 1
Give compliment 1
Avoid negative 1
Unexpected kind 1
Call from work
Special greet 1
Pray w/ her
To-Do List Points 5
Love Challenge Points 5
Rats! One more Love Challenge point would have actually brought me to 6 points on both lists. Getting closer.
Feeling great this morning.
You put a lot of work in my friend Don’t know what it all means but your definitely got a plan. Well done.
Thanks Paul.
Congratulations on your 14 days.
Keep going friend. One day at a time. 
You’re doing great!
To-Do list Sun 11/17
Prayer 1
Bible 1
Worship
Floss Teeth 2
Clean
Exercise
Family 1
Forum 1
Outreach 1
Job Search
App
Wife
Love Challenge
Tell wife I love her 1
Give compliment 1
Avoid negative 1
Unexpected kind
Call from work
Special greet
Pray w/ her
To-Do List Points 7
Love Challenge Points 3
I just needed to share about what went on last week.
I’m feeling disappointed about my last relapse. It burst a lot of hope out of me.
After craving and fantasizing for 3 days, I took it to the next level. I tried to say, “No,” to that first thought. I was losing the battle in my mind.
And last week my Lock Me Out app malfunctioned. I initially thought that I must have done something wrong to make it act like this, but nope. Lock Me Out was not working properly.
So I started viewing YouTube videos that were clearly against my boundaries. I also opened my web browser on my phone. I did some nasty searches. I noticed that I could access my settings. But when I tried to open my Play Store, Lock Me Out activated again and I was back to holding a safe device.
But the damage was done. I was determined to get more of my drug. So I disabled the app at 11:59PM. The app has a 1 minute vulnerable weakness that I can’t resolve. Still this is still the best app I’ve ever found for this purpose. I’ve used it for over a year now and never had a problem like this with it. Those things happen, I guess.
And you guys know the rest. I acted out with hardcore porn and MB until Tuesday morning. I’m really wondering if I’ll ever get to a better place with this. 
Here’s the kicker. Lock Me Out malfunctioned again yesterday. The same thing happened. So I restarted the phone, and it started to work again.
Thankfully, I was in clarity yesterday. I had a very good day. I also had Covenant Eyes set up on my phone. And that can be a real game changer here. The fact that it captures images on my phone and sends a record to my accountability is turning out to be a huge deterrent. No more nasty GPS searches for me. As soon I do that, I’ll get lit up real fast. Lol.
I’m still keeping Lock Me Out. It’s working well for me today. @Optimistic, the idea of using both CE in conjunction with Lock Me Out was brilliant. That’s a perfect example of working smarter vs. working harder. And I’m taking that idea and using it myself. Thank you.
Thanks Kevin for teaching us honesty and true accountability. Your determination and journaling is helping people like me. Thanks again.
If I may ask or suggest, did you enable the option “prevent changes 30 minutes before lockout” as shown in my screenshot? I notice that takes care of the 1 minute loophole for me as another “lock me out” is programmed to start at midnight.
Thanks for the tip, but I’m a little afraid to do that. That would make my locks stay on forever without any opportunity whatsoever to make any changes such as add new apps.
What would more preferable is if I could set my locks for a longer period that’s still shorter than forever, such as a week.
Thanks Kevin. Awesome words!
I see more of what you mean, Moses.
I do have the choice of assigning a password given to a family member in case I need to make changes to my phone. That would make a solution to my dilemma. At this time, though, my family doesn’t want to any more involved than they are. That’s okay. Maybe my wife will change. For now, adding Covenant Eyes has been an amazing help.
Dear addict,
We need to have a heart to heart talk about something. It’s about our behavior.
For a long time, we were confused. We thought that we were getting love from all of this behavior. I know that we were getting other things too from this. But I think you know what I mean.
Although you won’t always admit it or recognize it, it’s extremely important to you that the objects of our acting out demonstrate some type of love. It could be via them mutually enjoying the experience, or smiling, or giving attention, or talking to us, or saying, “I love you.”
The fact is sex without love is ultimately unappealing to you. You want the woman to want me, to enjoy this. You do not want the women to do this out of necessity, having no intrinsic desire to participate.
I know that this is VERY important to you.
But here’s the sad fact that you and I are clearly understanding.
There is no love in an affair or a hookup.
There is no love in using a streetwalker, or an escort, or any prostitute.
There is no love in a strip joint.
There is no love in a massage parlor.
There is no love in an X-rated movie theater or an X-rated bookstore.
There is no love in pornography.
There is no love in a fantasy.
There is no love when we check out a woman, undress her in our mind, and imagine having sex with her.
There is no love when we masturbate while doing any of the above.
I don’t believe there is anyone on TS that would disagree with any of these statements.
It’s why we choose to say, “No.” to all of this.
We know that sex, in it’s genuine form, has to contain love. Anything else is a counterfeit, and we do not do counterfeits.
So that means that in order to embrace and master true sex, we must first embrace and master love.
That will not be easy.
But I have faith that if we partake on this journey together, that we’ll be in a much better place than ever before.
I don’t want to fight you. I just want you to understand that what we’ve been doing has not been working and we need to make some changes.
Thank you. I love you.
Kevin
I just wanted to share that these past 6 days have been a great gift. I’m simply enjoying each one of them.
Thank you, Kevin, for producing this thread and giving us a window into your world. I come here to this app frequently seeking motivation. I’ve found it here in this thread.
Thanks @RBG.
I’m glad your getting something out of it.
This community has been so supportive to me over the past 2.5 years. I hope you feel welcome here.
Prayer
Bible
Worship
Floss Teeth
Clean
Exercise
Family
Forum 1
Outreach 1
Job Search
App
Wife
Love Challenge
Tell wife I love her 1
Give compliment
Avoid negative 1
Unexpected kind 1
Call from work 1
Special greet
Pray w/ her
To-Do List Points 2
Love Challenge Points 4
Prayer 1
Bible 1
Worship
Floss Teeth 1
Clean
Exercise
Family 1
Forum 1
Outreach 1
Job Search
App
Wife
Love Challenge
Tell wife I love her 1
Give compliment
Avoid negative 1
Unexpected kind
Call from work 1
Special greet
Pray w/ her
To-Do List Points 6
Love Challenge Points 3
Yes, this is back. The goal is to get at least 6 points for each.
I’ve not been struggling. I’m not even craving. And I’m starting to feel more hope. I just needed more help. CR is good. I’m still checking in on TS daily. And I’ve been calling phone buddies now. Everything helps. And I desire to really make each day count.
And this Covenant Eyes that I’ve installed on my phone IS THE BOMB!
It sure helps that I’ve got an awesome set of buddies to assist. It pays to have friends. 
It’s clearly helping to bring my recovery to the next level. I’m enjoying these days. This is how it’s supposed to look!
Hay Kevin so pleased your feeling good in your recovery. I love reading your journey. Your doing great my friend x
Thanks Natalie.
It’s easy for me to get caught into counting the days. God sure isn’t. I just need to focus on embracing the process and enjoying each day as it comes.
Kevin, you doing ok? I’m in my longest streak in probably 5 years. Just checking on you.
