Oh yes! I’m in a good place. Still enjoying myself this time. Congratulations on your progress.
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Needed to upload this YouTube video under supervision so I can practice it for next week. I performing with my wife and daughter and her pageant.
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Okay, so I’m still craving, a lot more now.
For me, cravings aren’t just something that happens to me. They are also something that I do to myself. I have more power over my thoughts than I really give myself credit for.
I’ve not really crossed any other middle circle boundaries outside of lacking custody of my eyes and mind. Thank God for Covenant Eyes. But I take responsibility for the fact that I’ve allowed my mind to turn in a bad direction.
And here’s what I have to do.
You all see that my To-Do list has been missing for a few days. Today, I have to follow it full force. No excuses. This seriously helps my mental wellbeing. If I don’t get it in place consistently in my life, then the only person I can blame for my cravings is myself.
Thank you.
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To-Do list Sun 12/15
Prayer 1
Bible 1
Worship 1
Floss Teeth 1
Clean
Exercise
Family 1
Forum 1
Outreach 1
Job Search
App
Wife
Love Challenge
Tell wife I love her 1
Give compliment 1
Avoid negative 1
Unexpected kind
Call from work 1
Special greet
Pray w/ her
To-Do List Points 7
Love Challenge Points 4
Much better day yesterday when it came to having custody of my eyes and mind. Let’s try this again.
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Hi @KevinesKay I was referred to this thread by @TheJK. Really good discussion here and I am looking forward to reviewing it more when I have more time. I especially like the to-do lists. I may try a technique like that after I’ve built strength in my basic sobriety.
This past week has been hard for me. Lots of feelings of inadequacy and discouragement related to being behind at work. In the past I would numb with acting out sexually, but I don’t want to do that. Whereas before I would just give in and let myself sink into that channel, now I feel - mixed, questioning, asking, What is happening here? And those questions are interrupting a negative process I used in the past. I believe this is me charting a new course. I am not sure where it goes but I know it will be better than what I did before.
Thanks for opening this thread and keeping active and engaged with the people here. I look forward to following along & contributing where I can.
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Hi Matt. Nice to see you on my thread.
There’s a lot of good here, and also a lot of imperfection over the years.
I wish I was a lot more consistent with logging my behaviors on my To-Do list. I am extremely busy with a family and 2 jobs though.
You’ve been doing great.
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Thanks 
I am enjoying this and I’m finding so many good people with so much good advice here. It is a journey with lots of ups and downs but the empathy and the support here is making a huge difference.
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I was craving yesterday. I didn’t say “No” to the first thought. It was better than the day before. Today is a new day. But the addict in me still wants to get a fix. Saying “No” to the first thought this time, but this day will be a challenge.
I admit to sexualizing my needs. Instead of feeling the need for food, sleep, connection, etc., I simply feel the urge to sexually act out. Finding out the real need can be somewhat of a guessing game for me.
Today, I’m choosing to really focus on some To-Do list behaviors. Read the Bible. Call a friend today. Take care of myself.
I’ll get through this. When I start to address my real needs, that’s when my addict stops becoming my enemy and starts to become my friend. He’s just screaming for a need to be met.
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Maybe this applies to me too. It’s something to consider.
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To-Do list Wed 01/01
Prayer 1
Bible 1
Worship
Floss Teeth
Clean 1
Exercise
Family 1
Forum 1
Outreach
Job Search
App
Wife
Love Challenge
Tell wife I love her 1
Give compliment 1
Avoid negative
Unexpected kind
Call from work
Special greet
Pray w/ her
To-Do List Points 5
Love Challenge Points 2
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It’s been a while, Kevin! 
Yep,
I thought I’d start the year right by being consistent with this list.
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That’s one of the good things about coming on here: encouragement! It can be from talking to someone or reading posts. Thank God for the positive ways we can use technology. Glad you’re doing well. I’m hanging in there. Challenges come and go of course. Trying to keep busy
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It really is good it is to hear from you again. you’ve been missed. I hope you stick around.
I’ve had my share of ups and downs this past year as well. I relapsed last November and relapsed again in December.
I made some significant changes since. My recovery program isn’t completely perfect, but I foresee a very good year for 2020.
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So do I Kevin. Stay strong Buddy.
More balloons as well please!
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I’m sorry about the relapsing. It’s an unfortunate possibility we know,and if we let it discourage us too much we’ll stay down. I’m really glad you’ve gotten back up again and kept it going. There’s no perfect remedy;if there were we’d all be using it and there’d be no relapses lol. We just have to strive to do better one second at a time
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To-Do list Sun 02/09
Prayer
Bible
Worship
Floss Teeth
Clean
Exercise
Family 1
Forum 1
Outreach 1
Job Search
App
Wife
Love Challenge
Tell wife I love her 1
Give compliment
Avoid negative 1
Unexpected kind
Call from work
Special greet
Pray w/ her
To-Do List Points 3
Love Challenge Points 2
I know I sound like a broken record, but it’s time I make this a priority.
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To-Do list Mon 02/10
Prayer 1
Bible 1
Worship
Floss Teeth 2
Clean
Exercise
Family
Forum 1
Outreach
Job Search
App
Wife 1
Love Challenge
Tell wife I love her 1
Give compliment 1
Avoid negative 1
Unexpected kind
Call from work 1
Special greet 1
Pray w/ her 1
To-Do List Points 6
Love Challenge Points 6
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To-Do list Tue 02/11
Prayer 1
Bible 1
Worship
Floss Teeth 2
Clean
Exercise
Family
Forum 1
Outreach 1
Job Search
App
Wife 1
Love Challenge
Tell wife I love her 1
Give compliment 1
Avoid negative 1
Unexpected kind 1
Call from work
Special greet 1
Pray w/ her 1
To-Do List Points 7
Love Challenge Points 6
My wife has already been noticing the difference in my behavior.
I may not be able to control my “sex” (still having a lot of moments of unclarity, but I can at least put more effort in managing my own life being that it’s been so unmanageable.
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Keep working on it Kevin. You’re heading the right direction. At least it seems this way from the view I have. 
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