@KevinesKay, you’re doing great. The beach party thing had to be difficult. I know I struggle just going to the gym, so lots of swimsuited women wouldn’t be easy for me, either.
@Victorious, I didn’t know you were a woman. Not that it changes anything, I just never looked at your profile. My understanding is, however, that you’re a pretty rare one with the porn/masturbation addiction - the vast majority of us are men.
@Melrm,haha,now you’ve opened a can I wasn’t exactly looking forward to opening just yet. I mean I’ve answered questions here n there and shared my little two cents. But my story,well, let’s just say I was content not to fill out my profile yet. So @Ignatius it’s cool that you didn’t check out my profile cuz you wouldn’t really find out anything there. But after I share my story I’ll probably work on the profile thing.
So here goes. Answer to the first question: I’ve always known it was a problem,in the sense that it was wrong. The first time one of my friends showed me some naked guys online I was like I’m not interested cuz I knew I shouldn’t and at that point,even though I was a preteen and inquisitive n whatnot I just didn’t wanna go down that road. I’m a Christian and my relationship with God has always been important to me,so I think that helped initially. Within a year or so of that encounter I started having cyber sex. I went to chatrooms, would talk to different people and at first when I got approached I was like “ugh,no” lol. But I think what got me is like one of my normal chat friends got me to try it and it was so exciting. I mean the words,imagery, imagination,fantasy. Omgosh,it was great. Now I can’t remember the exact order in which everything started. But I think the cyber sex was first then came the late night porn. Like when everyone’s asleep and you’re up late flipping through the channels and then you’d find some movie channel that had porn,and with both the cyber sex and porn I’d touch myself. And then when I saw women using vibrators I knew we had some like handheld massagers so I’d even use that while I watched porn or just by itself. So as far as when my use started I’d probably say a year or so before I became a teenager. Now I knew these were things I shouldn’t do and I had it under control. I mean that’s what I thought. It was something I shouldn’t do but it felt good and I usually looked forward to doing it right before I went to sleep. Now I think that was in part due to sexual abuse. I was sexually abused when I was younger,years before the porn and masturbation started. But even that I kept hidden. You see I’m very good at keeping secrets,so I guess because I didn’t display any outward obvious changes,it wasn’t known until years after. So somehow in a way idk I guess I somewhat mimicked what happened,but this time I was in control,not the man who’d taken advantage of me. And then I gave chatrooms a break for quite some time. My porn use also decreased. It was in part due to lack of opportunity and it wasn’t a drug yet,or maybe I wasn’t hooked. God only knows. When I did however get back into chatrooms it started casual as before. Made some cool friends,but there were always those lurking around looking for something else. I’d get back into fantasies, cybering,etc. And I enjoyed being in control. Maybe in a way I felt like I was taking back the control I didn’t have when I was younger,ya know? I’m still learning and admitting and identifying things that have led me to where I am now. I’ve enjoyed the ride,but I’ve also been disgusted with myself,the things I’ve done,seen,said, thought,etc. You see I got to the point where I needed to watch porn numerous times daily to get my high and when I knew summer was almost over and I’d have to travel to go back to school it’s like I’d binge,somehow trying to watch enough to keep me for the months I’d be away from home. so stupid,it only made me want more. N I had a friend who even supplied it while I was at school,under the guise of love and wanting to make me happy and to let me experiment and find myself. That definitely wasn’t love. True love doesn’t feed an addict. Although I didn’t know I was an addict even at that point I just figured I was a different girl,more like the “guys”, cuz I just wanted to watch,get my high and move on…or go sleep. It was like my sleeping pill or if I knew it was gonna be a hard day I’d start off with it. But instantly,like after every orgasm I’d feel guilty and dirty. Got to a point where I wanted it even more than God. And I knew I was in danger. There was a revival around that time and I recommitted my life to God. And things were good,for at least a year. Til I slipped up. I had always wondered if I could ever stop,ever give it up and after being rebaptized and stopping I felt like wow, it’s possible. Then when I started again I was so discouraged. I felt like I was gonna die in this sin. Porn, masturbation,this filth was gonna be what kept me out of heaven. Was I really that pathetic that I couldn’t stay strong after God gave me the victory? Apparently I was. That’s how I felt. So I had different bouts. Like I’d try just looking at pics and I’d say it’s not as bad as watching videos. And then I’d look at the list of videos but not actually watch the video. Then I watched pics and gifs, telling myself I’d get bored because I wouldn’t get excited enough to reach my high. I was lying to myself, cuz although it took awhile longer,I still got my high. Anyway more to the point (cuz I could go on and on,but I think I’ve gone way longer than planned),I realized a couple of months ago after watching a YouTube video that I’m actually an addict. In some ways I suspected it,but I don’t consider myself a sex addict cuz I don’t have sex. So soon after watching the video I went looking for an app. I didn’t like the first app I downloaded,n then I tried this one n I thought it was cool,so I’ve been here the past couple of months and change. N one day I decided to check out the forum and I joined cuz I realized I wasn’t the only porn/masturbation addict. I may be the only female,for now,but I know there are more like me out there. It’s hard,but I’m glad I’m here sharing and stuff through this journey.
Wow, @Victorious, so interesting to read your story.
As a secular person I have a hard time seeing a lot of this as a problem. It sounds so normal and so morally innocent, not hurting anyone.
But I truly hope that you and others here manage to find more sense of wholeness on your journey.
Thanks @Blueroom. I think it all depends on your “drug”. I can’t remember if it was @KevinesKay or someone else who said they tried drinking a bottle of whiskey and couldn’t get through it. For those of us who don’t have a problem with alcohol,for example, we could say it’s no big deal. But for the person who can’t seem to stop, it’s a huge deal for them and it can extend to their loved ones based on their behavior, etc. People might not think that porn/masturbation are a big deal,but if you’re addicted to it it can mess up your perception of the opposite sex,it can ruin your relationship,u can have intimacy issues,etc. Like I said,lol,it all depends on your “drug”. Whatever it is,if you don’t stop,it can ruin your life. You don’t have to be physically dead for your life to be over. But once there’s life, there’s hope! 
Just bumping this to the top as it might help people with sex/fap/pmo struggles @KevinesKay was a shining light on here and his journals might help some of you @Addict1998 @Nortonw I think, sorry if not you.
Not my addiction but I’ve noticed quite a few people discussing it lately. It’s probably worth seeking out his other posts on the forum through the search bar.
Hope it helps and Merry Christmas.
Great of you to do. I’ve advised a few ppl to check it out privately, but this works too 
Thank you for the suggestion.
Ok guys, this is one I’ve found helpful and the previous one he had before starting this one is a good place too. Hope it helps.
Is this thread dead?
Depends on how you look at it. If you’re looking for responses from the person who started it, unfortunately he’s no longer on here. However, it’s an encouraging blog and sometimes I come back and read some things or I refer ppl with this addiction or similar ones, to read it. The latter way helps keep it alive in some way to me.
I miss him a lot. I recently decided to restart my clock and I feel like talking to him would have helped. How have you been Bill? Don’t think I’ve seen/heard from you in awhile. I miss Iggy too,but he did actually say he’d be here less
That’s pretty interesting, coming while actively drinking. But I guess that’s the point isn’t it? We’re not here because we’re perfect. It’s kinda like church. People think because you go to church or because you’re a Christian,then you’re somehow supposed to be perfect. The church is a place for spiritually sick ppl. And AA,SA,etc is for ppl who realize they’re sick n wanna get better. We should definitely pray for the older heads that we no longer see. I like to hope that they’re better and just moved on, like maybe what we’ll do one day (but we won’t just fall off,out of the blue).
I feel like I tricked myself into thinking I could handle something. Then while reading I saw images I didn’t want to see and feel like that constitutes cheating. I likened it to an alcoholic taking just a sip(no offense); even if it’s small you still did it, right? So I decided to reset. Feeling pretty sad about that because I’d been doing pretty well. I mean 8 months is a huge deal. But I’m not giving up. I’m glad you aren’t either. Part of me feels like since I’m starting over I should do what I normally do, which is kinda binging. But that’s just the devil tryna kick me down even more. I don’t want that; Jesus can help me to 8 months again, and beyond!!
Philippians 4:13 it’s been my favorite verse for as long as I can remember. IDK how ppl can make it without the faith in God; I just don’t think I’d be able to make it. But you’re right, everyone has their own thing that may work for them.
On the church being perfect part–I always found it funny that a lot if not most 12 step programs have meetings there.
It’s rather interesting indeed. Maybe it helps but them back to God, or to God for the first time
@Bill_Phillips there’s this guy, @iwillwin,Idk what it is but after reading the discussion he made I was reminded of @KevinesKay 
I’m not surprised. I just hope he’s well.
Hello @Victorious,
I wanted to share how encouraging your presence has been here on this forum.
You have a great testimony.
I regret having missed so much while I was AWOL.
Look forward to seeing more of you here.
We’ll get better at this every day.
Thank you for all that you’ve done.