Hey! So I’m rolling into day 73- I have an appointment for anxiety meds and whatever else I need on the 21st. Im feeling okay…just super edgy at times.
My problem is my spouse still drinks a lot and its just scuffle after scuffle…I know I need to just stop focusing on him…I joined a couple al anon groups on Facebook. Im just wondering is there where I should be since technically im still in recovery…or just how do I even get through this?
I’m feeling super positive but also exhausted at the same time and the clashing of the 2 is just too much at times.
Hey Amber.
My wife still drinks. Every day since I started my sobriety journey on here 733 days ago. some days it’s hard. Some days it really sucks. Like recently for me. But I’m pulling out of it.
My Al-Anon tools from when my children were addicts have come in handy. I even started a thread here for anyone who wants to share. Kind of like Al-anon but not. Check it out if your interested. You’re not alone in this. Are you affected by a loved one who is an addict?
I’m hoping to use the thread more.
Presently I feel like the more I work on my sobriety the more aware I am of her drinking. But I’m working on.
I hope to see you around.
I see you’ve already checked out my thread.
This is my favorite reading. I been looking for this. I need to keep reming myself of this. Thought I’d share it with ya.
Yes I saw your thread the other day which actually got my wheels turning! So I joined some groups on Facebook snd then realized I myself am still very new to recovery so it made me wonder if I was where I should be. Thank you so much!
I’m sooooo happy I clicked on this thread! This is exactly what I’m dealing with. They agreed to not drink as well but they’re sneaking it out in the garage… not getting drunk, but I can surely smell it. It’s not a good feeling. I’m actually feeling very pissy today because of it.
You’re exactly where you should be.
I’ve seen many people in Al-Anon say
“I’m So and so and I’m a recovering alcoholic ” by accident at the wrong meeting. We all have a good laugh. It’s pretty common to want or need both meetings. If it makes me feel good to share I share.
Congratulations on day 73!! My husband still drinks. He isn’t one to cause scuffles (that was more me), tho it can happen. A very long time ago our therapist planted the seed that we not discuss difficult issues if either of us had been drinking, were stressed/harried or hungover. That seed germinated and likely saved our marriage thru some rough spells.
Anyway, wanted to share additional threads you may find helpful…
He swears he’s cut back but like…hardly. His doctors actually put him on naltraxone but he won’t take it or give it a chance. Last night I lost it because he once again stood over us as we ate dinner while he just drank. So I asked him if he fouls start doing that elsewhere and I became a control freak so I told him I wanted to move out. Obviously I shouldn’t have said that but im so sick of the same fight over and over and over and over.
We talked some this morning and I’ve just had to tell him that he’s just on his own when it comes to drinking. Im done bringing him food cause he’s drunk himself stupid and didn’t eat but now feels like shit. Done taking him shit to work cause he wakes up late and hungover and barely gets out the door. I just feel like I’m a comfort blanket for him to keep his life going…on top of taking care of our three kids. I don’t feel like a wife anymore and it’s just becoming so numbing.
It IS hard, no joke. But seriously, we know in our heart how such discussions will go with someone who is drinking…not good. Is he reasonable when not drinking or not hungover? If so, then that is a good time to start small in discussions.
It sounds like you are setting some good boundaries for yourself and kids. Most important is taking care of yourself and your kids and your sobriety. His drinking is under HIS control, not yours. Nothing you say or do will change that.
I am glad you have a place here and on FB to vent and get support.
I really feel where you’re coming from. All the broken promises. It’s the binge, hangover/regret/promise they’re done, feel better after a few days, binge again. Wash, rinse, repeat. Same cycle, different week. I just know I am not going to try and change anyone. I am however. going to stand firm in my healing and recovery. He’s an adult. If he chooses to continue this behavior, he will need to do it on his own. I know we’re not in the same situations as far as martial status/age of kids, so there are more considerations and complexities for you. It really is so hard for so many different reasons. You’ve got this though!
Congratulations on 73 days. I, too, have a partner who still drinks, uses and isn’t living an honest life.
It’s furiating at times. Sad most others and then I come into a space of self-reflecting and that’s when I realize how patient my higher power has been with me throughout the years, how it was others kindness and gentleness that drew me to the end of myself and that’s when I buckle down and polish myself.
I want sobriety to be attractive to others. I hope others would want what I got.
I don’t know about you but I’m stubborn and it took me a while to get here again.
Be patient with yourself and do what you can to be loving and patient with your spouse.
As long as it’s not going to take you down the rabbit hole… You may just find that you are stronger than you ever gave yourself credit.
some days it’s hard. Some days it really sucks. Like recently for me. But I’m pulling out of it.
” by accident at the wrong meeting. We all have a good laugh. It’s pretty common to want or need both meetings. If it makes me feel good to share I share.