Just joined this morning as I’m at a real low point here.
I’m 31 years old, and I’ve been drinking since 15. I’ve done the party scene, but over the past few years I have been drinking more and more, shifting from weekends, to any evening and now eventually any free time I have. I am aware I’ve displayed alcoholic tendencies for a long time but continued regardless as I am holding down a job and family, and haven’t been severely knocked back healthwise…yet.
I was placed on lockdown by my employer approximately 2 weeks ago now. Initially I thought this was a wondrous opportunity to get myself really clean and push to improve my behaviour and health. Infact, the complete opposite has happened. I have drank at least 8 pints of strong lager (can reach up to 15) every single day and when I wake up the next morning ill and guilty it takes me until noon for the monster to creep in and send me to the shop for more. I then sit there for the whole day consuming drink after drink even though I’m not enjoying it and I know full well it’s damaging me, badly.
Obviously having a job where I can’t drink convinced me I was just ‘a drinker’ but all this has shown me that I genuinely have no control over my actions and I have to accept I’m an alcoholic, someone who cannot just have a drink here and there, I treat it like a medicine and that just isn’t normal.
Got more to say but just thought I’d post and tell my story so far. Hope everyone out there is safe and is finding strength.
Once you can admit you have a problem you can start to work on it. Don’t beat yourself up early on as long as you’re trying to get sober you’ll make it. Each time you quit it’ll get a little easier.
Thankyou, I’m just trying to remind myself it’s one day at a time. If I go today without a drink that will be a huge achievement for me personally. So for now I’m just going to do that. Then tomorrow come back here and try and arm myself with what I need.
I definitely have a problem, I’ve spent years telling myself otherwise but I cant run from this now. Thank you again for your support and I hope you’re finding strength.
Exactly. It is full on medicinal at this point. I don’t feel good drinking, it just removes the focus on how ill and guilty I feel. It’s not a climb into positivity, it’s just trying to scramble out of this hole.
Believe me, the medicine to the guilt and illness is to not drink. I love alcohol and I love other drugs, but they are absolute poison to me and created all the illness, guilt and anxiety that existed in my life.
Well, that’s not quite true, 3 kids and a dog in lockdown are creating anxiety too
First off my friend welcome to the group and thankyou for posting , there are some really fantastic people on here who will give you really great advice man…we have all been where you are man ,you remind me alot of me ( I just couldn’t stood at 1 …and ended up drinking before work just to get through the morning)I treated alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism for a long long time and thought I was medicating myself but infact it was the complete opposite . If I can give you some heart felt advice this is it…if you can stop for today try it, then tommorow do the same again …use this group to open up and talk about how you are feeling and any challenges you are facing …recovery is all about 1 day at a time …I stopped on nov 2nd 2018 after another guilt ridden bender , never in a million years did i think i could but tried it, i turned one day into 2 , then into 1 week and so on…I know we are in very dark times and things like aa are not available at the moment but the internet has so many resources to help and we are here also to give you guidance …have you spoke to your partner about you feeling …and just Holla if there is anything I can help you with
Hey man, welcome! This is a great place to start. You can’t unknow this now, so ride it through. The first shot at recovery is arguably the easiest, so make it the one that sticks. Now matter how bad it gets, it will be worse next time.
Glad you decided to join, post, and save your life.
Also do some reading up about alcoholism…when I started learning about the illness and how it effects you ,i really started to understand it it better…there are many of us ( including me) that have an allergic reaction to alcohol and that’s why we cannot control the craving ( the physical effect) , and the obsession ( the mental effect) …and once you get your head round that , you can start understanding acceptance…and that is one of the fundamentals of recovery …today I accept that when I drink I cannot control myself because my mind and body are out of my control and i dont want to live like that …there are some really good videos on youtube that explain how this illness works and it will open your mind up my friend to ways to combat this
Wow thankyou everyone for your replies! There clearly is a lot of help here.
Some more information, I have spoken to my partner. Funnily enough she is very averse to alcohol but has always let me do what I like, which she does purely out of love. Unfortunately because of my addictive behaviour and low self esteem this has simply allowed me to keep harming myself (purely my responsibility, not hers btw). My father also suffers from this condition and has also been very supportive. I would love to get to a group, obviously not possible at the moment but this is a massive help. I just have to not let my negative thoughts take over right now. Just ride out an hour, then a day, and so on. Obviously with how I’m feeling I’m struggling to not be irritable or bored etc. I just need to set in that alcohol is the last thing that would help I guess.
listen coming from a background plagued by anxiety , depression and self harming …all of this was alcohol based , it’s only now I see it. Since giving up drinking my depression subsided , my low self esteem subsided and my life has become manageable…this is all part of the illness ,keeping you in that ring of fire and not allowing you to see past it …once you are through the fire you look back and think jesus was that really me …I promise you mate there is so much more to life than this you just gotta be willing to try it
Welcome. We all have that awakening at some point. I’m on day 29 AF today. Congrats on taking this step and I hope the best for you. Dont hesitate to reach out if you need help. Stay safe and stay strong.
This was/is me all the way, I’m coming up on sober day 60 soon, but that monster continues to ride my shoulder, and I have to continuously fight him to stay off… It’s sometimes takes a lot to realize that there is an issue with alcohol and I commend you for realizing yours. This first step in realization will help you on your journey, looks back at this first post and why you wrote it. That helps me… I continue to fight the urges everyday and hope you can fight through yours. This is a good place to be and write out the frustrations and get advice. No judgement, real people with real things to say…
Yeah, it looks like a very open supporting community, glad I found you guys.
It’s all about those urges, obviously this is just my first day and I know now what needs to be done but even earlier this afternoon the thoughts still flashed over me even for a few minutes. I just hope each and every day it will just get the slightest bit easier.
, there are some really fantastic people on here who will give you really great advice man…we have all been where you are man ,you remind me alot of me ( I just couldn’t stood at 1 …and ended up drinking before work just to get through the morning)I treated alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism for a long long time and thought I was medicating myself but infact it was the complete opposite . If I can give you some heart felt advice this is it…if you can stop for today try it, then tommorow do the same again …use this group to open up and talk about how you are feeling and any challenges you are facing …recovery is all about 1 day at a time …I stopped on nov 2nd 2018 after another guilt ridden bender , never in a million years did i think i could but tried it, i turned one day into 2 , then into 1 week and so on…I know we are in very dark times and things like aa are not available at the moment but the internet has so many resources to help and we are here also to give you guidance …have you spoke to your partner about you feeling …and just Holla if there is anything I can help you with 