I love this. The medicine becomes the illness. Spot on!
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Also do some reading up about alcoholism…when I started learning about the illness and how it effects you ,i really started to understand it it better…there are many of us ( including me) that have an allergic reaction to alcohol and that’s why we cannot control the craving ( the physical effect) , and the obsession ( the mental effect) …and once you get your head round that , you can start understanding acceptance…and that is one of the fundamentals of recovery …today I accept that when I drink I cannot control myself because my mind and body are out of my control and i dont want to live like that …there are some really good videos on youtube that explain how this illness works and it will open your mind up my friend to ways to combat this 
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Wow thankyou everyone for your replies! There clearly is a lot of help here.
Some more information, I have spoken to my partner. Funnily enough she is very averse to alcohol but has always let me do what I like, which she does purely out of love. Unfortunately because of my addictive behaviour and low self esteem this has simply allowed me to keep harming myself (purely my responsibility, not hers btw). My father also suffers from this condition and has also been very supportive. I would love to get to a group, obviously not possible at the moment but this is a massive help. I just have to not let my negative thoughts take over right now. Just ride out an hour, then a day, and so on. Obviously with how I’m feeling I’m struggling to not be irritable or bored etc. I just need to set in that alcohol is the last thing that would help I guess.
Much love guys and thankyou
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In these first days, take it hour-by-hour.
The thought of quitting can seem so insurmountable that you can only take it step-by-step - no matter how small those steps are.
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listen coming from a background plagued by anxiety , depression and self harming …all of this was alcohol based , it’s only now I see it. Since giving up drinking my depression subsided , my low self esteem subsided and my life has become manageable…this is all part of the illness ,keeping you in that ring of fire and not allowing you to see past it …once you are through the fire you look back and think jesus was that really me …I promise you mate there is so much more to life than this you just gotta be willing to try it
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Actually there is a lot going on online for groups now - check out some of the resources here:
Online meeting resources
Best of luck!
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Welcome. We all have that awakening at some point. I’m on day 29 AF today. Congrats on taking this step and I hope the best for you. Dont hesitate to reach out if you need help. Stay safe and stay strong.
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This was/is me all the way, I’m coming up on sober day 60 soon, but that monster continues to ride my shoulder, and I have to continuously fight him to stay off… It’s sometimes takes a lot to realize that there is an issue with alcohol and I commend you for realizing yours. This first step in realization will help you on your journey, looks back at this first post and why you wrote it. That helps me… I continue to fight the urges everyday and hope you can fight through yours. This is a good place to be and write out the frustrations and get advice. No judgement, real people with real things to say…
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Thanks mate. One day at a time. 
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Yeah, it looks like a very open supporting community, glad I found you guys.
It’s all about those urges, obviously this is just my first day and I know now what needs to be done but even earlier this afternoon the thoughts still flashed over me even for a few minutes. I just hope each and every day it will just get the slightest bit easier.
Cheers for the advice and all strength to you
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I’m glad you’re here, it does get easier, for me anyway the more time you get between you and last drink.
It’s a fight that’s worth it though!
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Welcome. We all know how you feel. The good news is there are multiple paths out of this addiction. Stick around. It gets better and easier.
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I couldn’t have said that better @anon79808082 well said mate, you are so right it does get better and easier over time …distance Grant’s you that serenity and over time you learn how lead a better life …I’m 519 days now @AYC I’m living proof that someone who was alcohol and drug dependent can do it , I followed the 1 day at time philosophy and it works I promise you mate
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Russell brand done an amazing take on the 12 steps programme and broke it down …have a look at this and sit down with your partner and answer the questions , see what your answers are and go from there…this is a good way to open up about to extent you may think your addiction is and what effects it has on you and those around you, hope this is useful for you mate
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Hang tough admitting u have a problem is half the battle. I cant say wat can happen if u stop abrupbly some withdrawls can land u in the hospital wich nowadays is not a good idea.
But maybe if u dring and u know its wrong dont continue. I know its a hard time to detox now but i wish u luck and ucame to a god place. Stay stron one moment at a time.
@sylentwar Thanks man, I saw some of the Russel Brand literature and I am probably going to get the audio book, looks very useful. You’ve clearly come a long long way, great to hear sick positivity and I will make it inspire me as I’m sure it does many others! 
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No worries mate and yeah I’m getting there one day at a time , now I understand the true consequences of this illness and how relentless its pursuit of destroying us is , it’s made me so passionate about putting out there to people …honestly mate I lost 24 years of my life to drink and drugs and I havnt seen my children in nearly 4 years man …dont follow down the same road mate ,honestly i wish to god someone had said this to me all those years ago …but check out the russell brand stuff …the geezer really understands the concept of recovery and helps you understand addiction at its core…
Welcome! Welcome! Be Proud that you now Acknowledge that Your One of Us! Woot Woot!
Matt had said there were a lot of online groups. There are! Download the App… Zoom also for face to face groups if that interests you!
We’re Here for Ya 
Babe!!!
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Welcome to this wonderful forum @AYC!!
Everyone has already given you great advice. Just stick around, read alot and interact. This is a worldwide forum and someone is always on so reach out when your struggling. Best wishes.
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many of us like to think of ourselves as functional alcoholics, I’ve got a job, I’m OK it’s my treat for working hard. Then you have 2 weeks holiday or this virus happens, whatever the reason it doesn’t take long to realise your only sober bc you need to go to work. Me on holiday would be drink 8am until 2am, don’t eat hot food for four or five days and shit my life down the loo. Thank god you’ve got enough wits about you to see this now, I wish you well on your journey.
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