I’m much more calm and mature now. I’m still young enough to dream and make those dreams come true, but my dreams have grown and changed with me. I find a certain contentment and excitement in that.
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I wish someone would tell me that I’m doing well as a mom and wife. I put so much of my spirit and my strength into my kids, and even though I have the patience to wait for it, I wish I knew for certain I’m making a difference.
Since I’ve been sober, I’m more and more lonely in my marriage. I wish someone would tell me this is just a part of recovery and things will get better. I don’t want to be lied to, by myself or anyone else, but I’d really like to know.
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I can appreciate my body by feeding myself more healthy and clean foods, by getting outside more, and by moving and stretching more than I do. I go through phases where I’m still for too long. I feel defeated and it’s hard to get moving again. I need to appreciate my body by not allowing myself to get stuck in those phases.
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No new prompt today. I’m using today to get caught up and write down some new thoughts on previous prompts.
Something I came across this morning that I love in the poetry book I’m reading currently:
you can still cry for small things like you did when you were a child. it’s okay to want things passionately and to ache when you lose it. even when that thing is just a cup of coffee you spilled on the way to work.
— whitney hanson
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🫂 you ARE an incredible wife and mom. We don’t know each other personally of course but what I do about you in the posts I’ve read… I read it and I see it and I know you are an amazing mom and an amazing wife! And I know your kids love you and appreciate all you do!
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You made me cry! 
Thanks so much, Dana. I’m still celebrating you! 
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Thank u! I appreciate that also!
Moms do A LOT! They do alot of things that go unnoticed and unappreciated yet if all of a sudden those tasks stopped being done everyday… I swear the family unit would fall apart. And it absolutely sucks not being appreciated. But I know ur kids do appreciate u as their mama. They have their own ways of showing it i bet 
I just felt this and I’m wanting to kno that I care and that u are appreciated!
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May 16
RUPI SELF-LOVE CARD PROMPT:
WHEN HAVE OTHERS MISJUDGED YOU AND HOW DID IT MAKE YOU FEEL?
*Edited May 27 to include my response
I have been misjudged when trying to create new friendships. Often people think I’m cold and hard to connect with OR that I’m too easy to connect with and they assume I have a motive, that I need something from them, and that I open up too fast.
It has made me feel like I need to change myself in order to be a good friend. It made me feel like there’s something wrong with opening up, or something wrong with taking a step back from friendships when I’m feeling drained & don’t have the capacity for conversation and connection.
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May 18
RUPI SELF-LOVE CARD PROMPT:
IF I COULD LET GO OF MY BIGGEST INSECURITIES I WOULD __________.
*Edited May 27 to include my response
Sing - all the time - unreserved
Write a book
Shower my friends with profuse love
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Maybe dating.
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May 20
RUPI SELF-LOVE CARD PROMPT:
WHAT’S SOMETHING OR SOMEONE THAT PULLED ME OUT OF A DEEP SORROW?
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A good friend of mine who deals with anxiety and depression on a level similar to me has multiple times helped pull me out of it. Especially summer 2020 up until this past October I had been a in a real low point and he would check in on me minimum weekly if not daily. Sometimes just sending photos of his dog or his bike when he was out riding. I was rereading some of those today and found one that I remember especially having an impact. I had been talking about how exhausting it is to be human. He responded with this:
Being human is kick ass. Just because we have to sit with hard emotions does not make us weak. In fact it makes us better, healing and progress is not linear. There are no expectations. It can be exhausting, yes, but when a clear mind arises from the trauma you’ve experienced that’s a good sign that you’ve grown. There’s no way that life has to be and that’s the beautiful thing. Anxiety is what twists your stomach into knots thinking you have to be this person or thing or live a certain way. You don’t. That’s being human.
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May 21
RUPI SELF-LOVE CARD PROMPT:
WHAT’S ONE THING YOU SUFFERED THROUGH THAT YOU WOULDN’T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO ENDURE? AND IF THEY DID, WHAT WOULD YOU WANT THEM TO KNOW?
*Edited May 27 to include my response
The details of the thing I suffered I am not going to post here, and what I actually wrote in my journal got pretty dark. But to those that have also endured it, I will say this:
Know there are people that will believe you, that it is worth telling your story, and you will heal. You will eventually learn to love and trust, both yourself and others, it will just take time. Know your truth and don’t let anyone convince you it didn’t happen. Don’t believe them when they try to downplay the situation and gaslight you.
It did happen, you did not deserve it, and you will find people that understand and make you feel less alone in this.
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May 23
WNRS SELF-LOVE CARD PROMPT:
WRITE A LOVE LETTER TO YOURSELF. TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU NEED. PLACE SOMEWHERE SAFE. OPEN WHEN YOU NEED IT MOST.
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I went a bit over the top. I put stickers on my love letter to myself and stashed it in the back pocket of my journal.
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May 24
RUPI SELF-LOVE CARD PROMPT:
I AM MOST AT PEACE WHEN ________.
*Edited May 27 to include my response
Kayaking/canoeing — lulled by the swaying boat
Listening to rain through a tent or open window
Meandering through the garden
The first moment lying down in bed after a long day
In the kitchen cooking for myself and loved ones
Drinking a cup of coffee
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May 25
RUPI SELF-LOVE CARD PROMPT:
WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL CONNECTED TO THE EARTH?
*Edited May 27 to include my response
Early morning walks before the sun has risen above the trees, the grass still dewy, the air filled with bird song and frog chorus
Outdoor meditation to feel rooted
Bare feet in the grass, hands in the dirt
Gardening — harvesting what I have grown from just a seed in the earth and being able to nourish my body with it
Swimming in a lake, river, ocean, or sea - directly submerged as part of this earth
Enveloped in the dark of night, looking up at the moon or a star filled sky
Hiking through the forest and observing the signs and cycles of nature
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Definitely sing in a band. I love to sing but soooo embarrassed to do it in front of anybody
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Seeing the intricacies of leaves or flowers under a microscope……like I don’t even know the zoom parameters but the really epic insane close ups lol.
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When My week included mindfulness action of being
Loving
Gentle
Kind
Thoughtful
Active
Connected to others
Inspired
Grateful
Affectionate with my 3 kids
Set and achieved some kind of goal no matter how small or big.
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